My 3-yr old son is having some anxiety about becoming "Big Brother". We're expecting our second child in November, and recently my son has had some major behavioral issues, that all come back to "I hate the baby!". Obviously he's acting out due to some issues concerning the new baby coming. Any suggestions on how to help him cope & minimize the daily battles?

I think it's normal for a child that age to have anxiety, he probably doesn't really understand what it means that mommy is having a baby, and how it will affect him and your relationship with him. As much as you probably already are, talk to him about it even more and try to prepare him and let him know that his routine will stay (relatively) the same. I would say try to downplay the preparations for the new baby, like getting new things, setting up a nursery... and maybe when you do do those things, also make a big deal about upgrading his room to make it "big brother ready" so that he doesn't feel like attention is being taken away from him. Also, try not to use the baby as a reason that he can't do something. Like if he wants mommy to hold him, blame your sore back rather than the baby in your belly (or try to come up with a fun game to distract the request). I would also start a special tradition for just the two of you that you will be able to continue once the baby is born. Especially if it is something that he couldn't do before, you could say that now that he is going to be a big brother you get to... whatever you decide. And it wouldn't hurt to tell him not to let the baby know so he/she doesn't get jealous because he's not old enough to do it too. Basically try to think of all the ways a new baby coming could have a positive spin for him and try to get him excited about them. I hope this is somewhat helpful, it will probably take some time after the baby is born and he sees that he is still very much loved (and the new baby isn't going anywhere) to really get used to the idea. My son will only be about 20 months when #2 comes along, so I'm not anticipating jealousy before, but afterward will probably be a different story... good luck and let us now how your son is adjusting.

ok you said he was 3 years old and you are expecting your second child in NOV. Ok he is going to have some anxiety and with the "i hate the baby" but i think he's just jealous cause he's so use to all the love and it's all about him but with the new baby on the way he thinks that your just going to forget about him and he's old enough to take care of him self but that not even one bit true once a day if you can spend time with him to make sure that he feels like your not to forget about him and you still love him and everything. But this is all normal behavior for a 3 year old to act like his mom and dad are not going to love him once the new baby is born. hope this helps

Not trying to say that you haven't already tried this, but I am also due in Nov. and have a three year old son this will also be my second child. I try to get him excited and tell him that he's going to be the coolest big brother and he will get to do big boy things and help mommy with the baby. He has also never held a baby so when I told him that he could hold his baby brother he got very excited. Now I'm not going to say that he hasn't had his share of behavorial problems, because sometimes he tries to act like a baby himself. But I really think that it would help to encourge your son that he can help mommy feed the baby, change the baby and read to the baby (even though 3 year olds can't read). Anyway that's the things that I've done and my son is thrilled about being a big brother, he kisses my tummy and asks if his baby brother can come out yet he is also very protective already. Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is when you do talk about the baby make it a fun experience for your son and let him know that he is still your baby and nothing will change that and make it sound fun to be able to be a big brother and help you, make it more about your son that the baby and he will eventually come around and love it!

My son was 2 when i had my second baby. He did not care for his baby sister and it broke my heart. For a few weeks, i thought i made a mistake having another baby. I would cry over it all day every day. But one day when she was 2 months old, he finally came around. It was the longest 2 months ever. Its a big adjustment for everyone. Once the baby is born and he can help u with the baby it will get better.

This is my best advice for preparing the first child for the second child:

-Never call the baby "the new baby." This will lead to serious jealousy in older children. Their minds will think this way: if this is the new baby, am I the old one no body wants to play with anymore? Start refering to the baby as "your little brother or sister." Your is a powerful word which shows possesion. This will help him understand that the baby is also his, and many adults don't realise that the baby is his just as much as it is yours. Include him in the preparations. Let him help put up the crib. Take him to pick out a special something for his little sibling that is just from him. Also, take him with you to an ultrasound, and to hear the heartbeat. Once you have a name picked out refer to the baby by name to help him see the baby as a person. In my humble opinion the key to creating a bond between siblings is to include the older sib in the pregnancy as much as possible. Good luck.

Having a 3 1/2 year old myself I have to say maybe it is not the new baby, but the age. When I was expecting with my daughter I let my son pick out a little gift to give to her when she was born. This really got him excited about becoming a big brother. He could hardly wait to give it to her. A couple of weeks before my due date I had to take him to one of my appointments and he chased the doctor out of the room wanting to know where his sister was. I also picked out a little toy for him, wrapped it up, and put it in my hospital bag. When he came to meet his sister for the first time I gave it to him and said it was from her.

I also had my second child when my oldest boy had just turned three. I can say that he was just kind of annoyed by the whole thing at first. He eventually came around. And once Dominic started crawling and they could play together he swelled with pride and became the best big brother ever. I was a mess at first, worried to death, I had three years with Colin, just us, and I had felt this bond with him that I couldn't imagine having with anyone else. It was my dirty little secret at first that even after I had Dominic that bond with Colin was still stronger. I loved the new baby but it took a while for that bond to grow. I had never heard anyone talk about this before and was scared to tell anyone.

Hi Jenna, My 4 yr old girl had really regressive behaviour leading up to the birth of our son. She started talking like a baby, wet her pants, tantrums... you name it. I was so worried but when Isaac was born it all stopped. It was like she was didn't know what it meant and was anxious about the unknown but once she saw it didn't change her life or our love for her she settled back down. I think we were the lucky ones but you never know. Best of luck. Jodie

I can't say my first son had much trouble with my second son. I adopted my sister's technique of having the first one included as a helper as much as possible. She even went so far as to call the little one "his baby". I don't know if we would have had any problems if we hadn't done this, neither of our firsts ever showed any jealousy. So either it worked like a charm or wasn't needed! Funny story, though, we went to visit my cousin's newborn in the hospital when my second was 4 months old, and when I told my first to go give the baby kisses he got this look on his face like "we're not bringing that one home too are we?". I wish I had a camera!