This is my first post. One of my very best friends has a son my son's age. The 2 boys went to pre-school together and now go to the same elementary school. She and I met at the pre-school and have known eachother for 3.5 years. My son is very tall for his age and his friend is very small for his age. My son makes friends easily, but the other boy does not - admitted by his mother. My son has several siblings that are younger than him and thr other boy has 2 older sisters, but they are in college and H.S.
Here is my problem. My son is continuously hit by this boy on the bus and on the playground. My son does not like to hit, but one day last year, finally hit him back and told him to stop. The behavior ceased for a little while. Now they are back in school and my son has made new friends. The other oy has been crying and hitting him telling him that he has to play with him and he is making childish threats. My son said he is not playing with him. We have talked about the "controling" type behavior in the past and he seems to be aware of when it is happening. I have not said anything to this boys mother because my son seems to be handling it okay. Until today. My son got off the bus and told me this boy put his hands on his neck and squeezed and wouldn't let go. My son tried to get his hands off, but the other boy wouldn't let go of him. The other boy was telling him he wouldn't let go until he said he would come to his house to play with him. So, my son said it. The kicker is. my son said he didn't want to lie to him, but he was really hurting him.
The mother is one of my best friends. This boy is an obnoxious, spoiled brat. I have to talk to her now because it went too far this time. Please help me. I don't want to lose her friendship, but I don't want my son to have to deal with this. I need to talk to her so that she can address her son. Plus, I feel that someone should know at school once I talk to my friend.
Lengthy, I know. I just am so frazzled and tried to get in all the details I could.

Thanks!

Yikes. That's a sticky one. I'd say you have to be upfront with her. Tell her you don't want this to cost you her friendship and you don't want it to sound like you're picking on her son, BUT he seems to really struggle with how to interact appropriately with his classmates. Tell her what happened. Tell her you know she's probably doing everything she can, but that something needs to change. Offer to help if she wants it. DEFINITELY notify the school. The teacher, the principal, and ESPECIALLY the bus-driver. Not a bad idea for the recess teacher and the lunchroom staff to have a heads-up, too. If your son is actually afraid of the other boy, then he should never have to be near him. Choking is super-agressive and shouldn't have to be tolerated. On your end, try to give your son the skills he needs to deal with this boy. The other child clearly needs some hands-on help learning how to interact with others. Hopefully the school counselor or ED teacher can help him out with that....

Thanks. I will talk to her today. You know, I thought about it a lot and I personally would want to know if my child was hurting someone. I just hope she takes it well. Good advice about letting everyone know. I was just planning on telling the busdriver so he can separate them. My son is not afraid of the boy, just angry/annoyed. So am I. The other boy is very gifted educationally - SO smart, but honestly, socially he throws horrific temper tantrums - screaming, kicking, hitting when he doesn't get his way. Yikes! I'll let you know how it goes.

Good luck to you! Hope it all goes well...

Hi- Just wondering how it all went with your friend. I have a similar situation and need suggestions on how to fix the problem.

Hi, I also would like to know how it went. My son too is being bullied by other boys. my son though is very outgoing and makes friends easily. Now he doesnt like to go to school. He has told his teacher abt this several times, but he tells me she wont do anything about it.

When the teacher does nothing, you have to go over her head. Bullying isn't something to be ignored. Go to the principal. If nothing changes in a couple weeks, call your district superintendant. Give it a couple more weeks. If nothing, start contacting your state board of education.

Totally agree with MommaC, and I'll add one more thing to consider. It sounds to me as if the bully may have some sort of disorder that makes him behave this way. That does not excuse his behavior; just keep this in mind when talking to her. Your discussion with her might be what your friend needs to hear in order to prompt her to ask for professional help with her son's behavior - before it goes too far. You're doing her - and your son - a huge favor by being up front with her. Good Luck.