From a Dad, I can tell you there are times when you feel useless when it comes to raising a child. The first few months especially. And to escape that feeling, you fill the void with hanging out with the guys, video games and drinking. But that is only if you don't communicate about what you want to do together. My wife and I really tried to find things that were "Daddy" tasks. They were what I became the expert at. In the first weeks, I was the fastest swaddler on the block. It was my thing. She appreciated that so much. We set schedules where she could take a break and I would comfort the child. It didn't matter how tired she was, or for that matter, how tired I was. It was what I did for US.

freehelena said a lot of great points. I'll be the first to say that women have it built into their DNA to nurture and care for a child. A man needs specific tasks that he can do. ie: Make the bottle, build the nursery furniture, swaddle the baby, make dinner for mom while she is taking care of the baby (or run out and get something to eat if you can't cook!!!), carry the baby in the infant carrier, install the car seat. Just make sure your not telling, but asking. Nobody wants to be told to do anything, but its always nice to be asked, especially when you become the expert and you ask because 1- it gets done faster 2 - its easy for them because they are the expert. (he doesn't need to know that you are just as capable!!!)

As far as your husband spending time with "the boys"... I guess that's partially a phase for many people. If you don't know, find out something that he's really into... I heard a story once about how a husband was really into shooting guns at a shooting range, and always asked his wife to come.. she of course had no desire. so he'd often go with the guys. One day she said yes, and for him, it was one of the best days of his life. he was so excited to show her how everything work, introduce her to all the people that work there, see her excitement at taking part. Its not that she enjoyed it so much, but when they got home that night, he had never been happier.

One thing I was told a few years ago was to give 100% and expect nothing. If you live by that, you start to realize how much people actual do for you, and you don't do things just so you can get something in return.

I hope this gives you some insights or ideas. Good luck, marriage isn't easy, but I couldn't image any other way to live my life!

One more lesson about life and marriage that I want to mention and emphasize. Marriage is like a mirror of your best and worst attributes. Don't expect the other person to change. For marriage to work, you have to look at yourself first and change upon reflection. All other things will follow in place. Secondly, everything takees time. Be understanding and give things (and yourself) time to grow, change, and evolve. Each time something new happens in your lives together, it requires that you readjust from your prior comfort zone. It's natural to argue while you readjust to a new situation. Give it time and patience and you will find these issues to be mere phases that all human beings experience. Third, always have an outlet for yourself. It's hard to be a mom with an infant. You need a social outlet of your own. Don't wait for him to fix things without seeking assistance. Don't expect him to be your end all to be all soul mate. You can find friends with women in similar circumstances, look to blogs, do something fun for yourself once a day or once a week, make sure to smile or laugh more often, etc. Fourth, always keep a positive outlook. The prior blogger was really right about being more a part of your husband's social life. I recently experienced that too. My husband wanted to take a trip to Chicago (a 3 hour road trip with crazy baby not including packing and dropping dogs off at kennel). I quietly freaked out and nearly had a panick attack before the trip. Then I had a moment of clarity and realized that good times don't come to you. Happiness is a state of mind. The best times in my life often were also the worst times. What made them so wonderful was my attitude and willingness to see and make the best of everything. I realized that my husband and I hadn't had real time together and he was desperate for it. So I supported him and did my best to get us down there. Even though the hotel turned out to be a real mess, we were able to laugh about it since it was no one's fault, we survived it...the rest of the trip was great and I ended up being so glad to be out of the house and breathing the city air and eating great food. We loved the new experiences and will always remember it fondly. It's really the trick. Hard to remember, but remind yourself of this each time you are near a panic about the "I can'ts". Don't be a sleeping princess waiting for your knight in shining armour. It doesn't work in reality. Truth is, you are human as is your husband. As much as you can't decide his fate, he can't decide yours. So you are the only person who can do anything for yourself. Find your sense of self empowerment because that is the glue that will bond him to you, will attract him to you, and will lead your family to success.