I have a 3.5 year old (Toby) who is actually a pretty "good" boy and is generally kind, except for being pretty rough with his brother (Gus) who is 19 months.

It can be for any number of reasons (or sometimes no reason!), but it's quite often if Toby is playing and Gus comes over to him, he will either hit him or very roughly push him over onto our tiled floor. Or, he may be running around and come across Gus and run straight through him rather than stopping, so Gus takes a hard fall on our floor.

Today at the Aquarium, he wiped out a little girl when he was running around - it was deliberate.

I have tried time-out, and taking toys away but none of which really help. I really don't know what to do. I have quietly and patiently explained that it's not kind to hit, that he hurts people etc, but it just doesn't seem to make a difference. I have told him to come and tell Mummy if Gus is taking a toy or if he's in the way.

He walloped his grandfather the other day for no apparent reason - but I think that was a one-off really,.

I just feel sorry for Gus, he does get treated pretty badly - which then makes him retaliate and bites Toby on the back (which I stop by removing him quickly before he can get hold of him!)

What else can I do?

Fist off take a deep breath and remember that men (and boys) are caveman like. Try getting down on Toby's level, looking him in the eye, and talking with very few words. For example, NO hitting, it hurts. Consistacy is key, and it may take a few thousand repeats, but he will eventually get it. Also remember that boys are rougher and more active than girls. When girls get upset they tend to whine and talk about it, boys are more likely to act out physically. My boys wrestle and tackle each other often, and don't mean any harm to the other it is just their way of playing.

I have a 2.5 year old who thought it was HILARIOUS to hit me a few months ago. He was being "playful," so it wasn't a situation where we could try to figure out what was bothering him and showing him how to deal with those emotions more effectively. I was at a loss on what to do. Frankly, I was surprised how many people say to hit back or to squeeze their hands hard, but that didn't sit well with me. The only thing I could come up with was to explain that hitting is used to hurt someone and that it doesn't feel good (saying this while frowning), then follow up with what WAS acceptable, which I told him was "gentle." I rubbed his cheek softly, rubbed his arm gently, all while saying "gentle" and smiling at him. When he "playfully" hit me again a few hours later, I asked him to show me "gentle" and he stopped hitting immediately and rubbed my cheek softly. We only had to do that a few times and the hitting stopped. Every once in a while if he's being gentle, I'll say, "Oh, gentle is nice!" or something. I definitely agree with Big-Mouth's reply-- stay consistent. I don't have a daughter (yet!), so I can't compare the physical nature of the two, though after meeting girls my son's age, I'd agree that boys are more physical. With that in mind, showing my son acceptable physical communication is the way I'm going to go (for now anyway!).

I think that you just need to be firm about what is okay and what isn ot okay. You can try asking why he hits and what he hopes to get out of it and can he achieve that in a different way. Good luck!