My MIL.. Is "perfect" raised 4 kids, still married to the same man,in wicked shape for her 50's. And wants and has control over all her babies.. Then I marry her fav baby boy.. I remember she cried at out reh dinner saying she was loosing her baby.. Back then I thought it was soo sweet... Then came thanksgiving and Christmas.. Some how or another she knows how to work all her kids to have everybody at her house 2 hours away.. Last year somehow it ended up we spend both holiday with in laws.. Then we decide to have a baby.. Well MIL an SIL throw me a shower, very sweet and I'm grateful BUT I was doing my baby stuff in camo and pink John Deere, and all other stuff I went and reg for.. Well I hate pooh bear just not my thing. My MIL loves PB... My Mother told MIL I didn't like Pooh bear.. Guess what I get at my shower.. a pooh bear stroller, PB huf, PB diaper bag, pb baby book, pb diaper cake, pb care seat,pb baby pillow, pb baby blanket, pb socks,hats,clothes.. Just about everything you can buy thats PB! Come to find out my DH just once said he kinda liked PB before we knew if it was a girl or boy.. So MIL bought everything PB regardless what I liked or wanted. My DH didn't care to start with.. Then there was the time about a week before I had my baby I was wearing on of those shirts that have the tie strings on top and flar out, a loy of people use them over swin suits.. it was too big to start with and I had a pair of shorts under it..Well she stopped by the house, the first thing she said to me was, your too old an too preg to be wearing a minnie dress!!! If she wasen't my MIL I would have hit her then and there! And then after I had a bad delivery ending in a E -C-section I over heard my DH on the phone with MIL. His GP had passed away, and a GP My DH had very very little to do with. My DH was pb. So my MIL want's my DH to leave me 2nd day after having baby and go to funeral. Or she said if I'm out of the H I can come.. Ive just had my stomach cut open and she wants me to travel 3hr in car.. My DH told her he was not leaving me and his baby.. But she thought nothing of it.. Then 5 days after baby born she wants us to come to church and hour away so we can see FIL.. Turns out she just wants to show off GB.. I'm new mom breast feeding and she proceeds to haul us all over the place to show GB off.. I could not get out of bed for 2 days after that.. It's like anything she wants she thinks she can and should get it.. One day I had enough and had a fit with my DH, went off said it's me and his baby or his momma.. Gonna have to pick who's gonna come first.. I think he thinks i'm crazy when it comes to most this stuff.. But his mother knows how to work him and she's trying to make me fall right into her pecking order... I think My DH is still not happy for me not liking his mom any more but deals. And If i hear one more word about rice cer and needed to start my baby on food at 2 weeks I'm gonna scream! Also she's appalled about me BF in public.. But thats another story.. Thank you to anyone who read this to the end.. I think sometimes it make you feel better to write things down.

Hi. I just wanted to say I had a similar problem my MIL criticizes everything I do with my 3 month old baby. From my choice to breastfeed (and not give formula), to changing/feeding her (when company is over the baby is supposed to wait), to picking her up when she cries. These "perfect women" are ridi, and if culous.

Anyway they had their babies and raised their favorite sons just right which is nice for us. The problem is that they brainwashed their kids to think they walk on water and should have as much say as they want on everything related to the baby and our new lives as families.

When my baby was born my MIL invited 30 family members to visit (I didn't even get 5 min alone with my DD and DH. She stayed in our room at the hospital for hours. Nuts I know.

Anyway she refused to support my baby's head at 2 weeks old and last week she sat my DD up on her knees and holds DD with only 1 hand on my DD's wrist I had enough. I asked her to hold the baby with 2 hands under her armpits to get a better grip on her because she was squirming and yet again she put me down and said she knows what she is doing implying that I don't.

She criticized how I dressed, she would try actively to compete with me as a 7-9 month pregnant woman for her son's (my DH's) attention, money to renovate her house and buy new furniture while we were trying to redo the baby's room and didn't have the money to give her. Plus she used our contractors so we have yet to move back into our house because she wanted hers done first and then spitefully bragged that she got to redo her house before I was able to redo the baby's room (which had mold and was unsafe for the baby to stay in). I told my DH I had had enough and ended up speaking to my MIL over the phone (I think I would have punched her in the face if it was in person).

I would try to get your MIL to slip up and treat you the way she does in front of your DH (I know this is hard but if he could see it for himself it may help). Also,
I would tell your MIL that this is your baby (not hers), and your experience with your husband and child and that you would appreciate it if she would let you enjoy it. Don't cite too many instances, just the major ones that bug you and say that her behavior won't be tolerated in your home. And her dragging you around to show off the kid like it is a puppy for people to play with is unacceptable. Explain to her that your DH has responsibilities to his child that trump his to her (MIL) and ask if she wants him to forgo things with his child for her. It usually puts them in a spot because they can't admit the truth.

Just my thoughts, but I am still angry so take it with a grain of salt. Let me know what happens.

I can't tell you what to do about your MIL but i know exactly how you feel. My MIL was fine and then when i had a baby and it's like she went crazy! When i had a c section she came up and stayed in my room for hours, and when the nurse brought my son in the room she jumped up to grab him and held him for 5 hours! ( I'm not even joking!) When the nurse asked me if i wanted her to take the baby and give him to me my MIL gave me a death stare. She even went as far as to tell my husbands family and everyone she knew that i was having trouble getting my son to go to breast! She never supports his head or anything and she tries to put him in toys that are for an older age group and puts him in unacceptable clothes ( she had my son in just a diaper when it was 70 degrees out and she has central air conditioning at her house). So i can't tell you want to do about it but we are in the same boat.

Return all that pooh bear stuff and get what you want!!! If she asks you where it went, just tell her it didn't go with your decor choices so you exchanged them for your color scheme. Eventually she will understand that you won't just accept everything she dishes out!

I also had lots of similar problems with my MIL at the beginning... However, I did not tolerate it. From the very beginning I let her know that there were certain things I would not put up with and there was a certain territory she could not enter without my permission (my private life, family issues, etc). Yes, she was a perfect mama to her children, but that did not mean she was a perfect MIL. She needed to grow as a MIL, so did I as DIL. I would suggest to talk to your MIL whenever she gets on your way or does something that hurts you. If she did not mean to hurt you or plainly was ignorant then she will understand your point of view. If she was doing it on purpose - then she will get the message that you won't put up with everything she does. I wouldn't involve my husband here (at least not directly), because it is not your husband who has a problem with his mother, it is you and your MIL who have the problem. In my case, I was telling to my husband what happened and what I talked about with his mother each time I had `a conversation` with my MIL. I did it to make sure that he would be kind of involved and at the same time clear about what was going on between us. Also, I wanted to prevent him getting one-sided information about incidence (-s) from his mother. Yes, the things that she bought (knowingly or unknowingly) wrong - I gave away or sold. Nowadays, she stopped buying expensive items for my baby - I told her that we opened a bank account for the baby and asked her to put money on his account if she wanted to give him a present. It worked out perfectly )

You need to put your foot down now or your life will be more miserable in the years to come. It will be hard for you and your MIL will probably be mad but it won't last because she will realize that you will hold all of the cards and control when and if she sees the grandbaby. I would take back all of the Winnie the Pooh stuff back to the store for credit and get what you want. The baby stores are used to people doing that. You will really hate going into your baby's room and having to see something that you don't like. Or you could just give it to charity and take the tax credit. I've done that a few times. Also, there was no way that the baby should have been around all of those people at that young of an age. There are too many viruses and things going around and I can't believe that your MIL would expose the baby and you to them. She is a very uncaring selfish woman and you need to take a stand and stop her in her tracks right now. At least she doesn't live in your town or she could be knocking on your door every day!! Ignore her trying to talk to you about the rice cereal and other baby foods. Your baby's doctor will guide you through when all of this is suppose to take place. Things were different back when she had children. Also, for the holidays, tell her not to expect you for whichever day (Thanksgiving or Christmas) because you have already made other plans. If your husband insists on going, let him go without you and the baby. It is sad to say but your marriage won't last very long with the MIL controlling your lives. Good Luck and I'll say a prayer for you. By the way, I am a MIL who just had her first grandbaby and I do not give unsolicited advice to my grandbaby's parents. I want to be a part of her life and do not want them to dread seeing me.

In your MIL's eyes...you will never measure up. So don't even try. You are the parent and you need to dig down deep and find that Mama Bear in you. Your job is to raise and protect your child(ren) the way you and your husband see fit. You guys may do good to start using the 2 yes, 1 no rule. For any decision you make, it's two yes's to do it and one no to not. That way you aren't continually getting bullied to do things you don't want/aren't comfortable with.

There are many discussion/advise boards you can find on dealing with your inlaws and family. One thing I have learned is that my parents and inlaws are learning new roles as grandparents and not parents. If the things that are happening are unintentional you will know. If they are intentional, put your dukes up and take care of you and your baby.

I'm with kare.bare, return/consign/donate all that stuff and get what you want. Same thing with any future stuff she gives you that isn't appropriate or is exactly what you said you didn't want. I'm not in quite the same situation, my mother is slightly overbearing, but will bend when I put my foot down. My MIL has a mix of appreciation and disapproval for the things I do, so I suppose that's normal. But she has control over my husband because she "does not have the mental capacity" as my husband puts it, to do many things in life besides daily activities, so he has to do a lot of them for her when she spazzes because she can't do them. How she raised two kids to be normal is quite beyond me. We solved some of the clinginess by moving away, but she still calls a lot. My husband and I had a discussion about how to handle our parents, and came to an understanding about what needed to be done. He's still a little defensive about his mommy, but at least understands my concerns and now I have most of the preference.

As for the whole "other people not appreciating the delivery process", I didn't have a C-section, but my sister did, and she had people stay with her for weeks to do things that she couldn't. I had a 10-pounder and two layers of stitches and my husband totally didn't get it. A week after the birth he whined for a day and a half until I agreed to walk to a local carnival a mile away (it's yearly, by the way, it's not a one-time thing). I had to walk very slow (constantly telling him to slow down), take a break at his friend's house along the way and nearly made him go home and get the car to pick me up afterwards. I don't know how long it prolonged the healing process, but I was so worried about tearing stitches. He's such an idiot and I made sure he knew it, and made sure he also knew that there would be no more children because he didn't know how to help me recover (he kind of wanted a third).

Go ahead and stick to the things you know are right, like NOT feeding your child rice cereal at 2 weeks old. Sometimes when my husband or MIL didn't believe me about something I would have to have a professional tell them the accepted/right way to do things. Here's an irony: maybe if you ask her to go with you to doctor's visits! You could make a list of the things you and your MIL disagree with on raising babies, then ask your doctor and sit back and watch her get dissed! Invite your husband too. That way it's a win/win. If she ends up in complete denial and still thinks her way is better than the highly educated doctor's, your husband may see what you are up against and be more sympathetic to you. If she accepts that the doctor is right, then she will be better informed and hound you less (at least about the topics that were covered anyways).

Good luck!

My mother is actually like that. Don't listen. Especially with the food and breastfeeding issues. Just remember YOU are the mom. Trust your own instincts.