even though you are an adult that has a family, good career, head on their shoulders, etc?
my parents are driving me nuts and I am giving them 1 last opportunity to have a relationship with myself, wife and 18 month old baby girl.
if they can't figure it out this time, then I am done with them completely.
note: i'm 32, male
My parents aren't/weren't controlling, but they definitely have voiced their opinions about what they think is best for me (at least in the past they did). Most people are only being controlling because they love you and want the best for you.
Without knowing specifically what your parents are doing that is driving you crazy I can't really give you much advice. I don't think you should give up on them though. I lost my mom last year to cancer and it is incredibly hard not having her here anymore. Be thankful you still have parents and remember that the relationship you have with them is important. It might be worth just having a heart to heart with them to let them know your feelings.
Hopefully you can work something out and if not then take a break from them.
**Michelle** Mom to:
Lauren - born 7/29/05
Julianna - born 6/30/08
Seeing as how you are 32, your parents can only be controlling if you allow them to. I say, acknowledge the "advice" they are giving you and then do what you want/need/think you shoud do.
One other thing, you say "if they can't figure it out", have you tried telling them specifically? Just like you are not a mind reader, neither are they. Maybe they don't realize that you feel they are controlling.
Either way, please don't just cut them out of your lives. Think about your daughter and the relationship she will miss out on! Good luck!
I know they can drive you nuts sometimes, even if they are not controlling. I like what hardworkinmama said not to completely cut them off but let them know and you will feel better. Sometimes I just shake my head and shrug my shoulders because parents are always parents no matter how old you are, right?
Parenting is like that show "Survivor"....."outwit, outplay, outlast."
Proud mama of 3 hornswaggling scalliwags.
Yes! Well not my parents only my mother. She has been trying to control me from the day I was born. I have always had a love hate relationship with her. I love her because she is my mother, the woman that raised me and cared for me. I can't not love her because when it comes to physical necessities I got everything I needed. She tried her best and she gave me my life.
BUT I am an adult and she tries to control my life. I am now grown and married and living across the country with an 18 month old. She calls me constantly wanting to know what I am doing telling me how to do everything like “Jordyn I hope you wash your hands after you clean out the cat liter." Seriously Mom?
It's really pretty sad that she thinks I have the smarts of a monkey. She has no respect for my opinion at all. If it weren't for the fact that she lived across the country I would go completely insane. She of course tells me how to raise my son as well. She tried to tell me who to marry too but it was my decision and I decided for myself. Thank goodness I didn’t let her control me or I wouldn’t have the wonderful life I have now with the love of my life and our son.
She visited last month and it took me about a week and a half to recover mentally from the whole experience and remind myself that just because I am her daughter does not mean I have to turn out like her. I can't help who my family is or how they act but I can help how I am because I am my own person. I remind myself of that daily.
Like others have said, listen to them and be respectful but live your own life and do what you want. Your parents have no say anymore. You are a grown man. You can love them and still live your own life. Whether they like it or not; they will just have to accept that life is what it is. Their son is grown. It's not their place to interfere with your wishes.
Last edited by Jordyn; 08-17-2009 at 12:29 AM.
I have a controlling mother. Its very annoying! She wants to be in charge of every situation, not only mine. She wants to tell my cousins, aunts, and sister how to do things. It wouldn't bother me so much if she would tell me things as "advice" but the way she says things to me is like "you better do this" "I better not find out you did that." They're more like threats...ugh. I won't go into detail, but what helps me not get so frustrated and not have to disrespect her is me telling her everything she WANTS to hear, or agreeing with her all the time, regardless things get done my way. I hope things work out for you Jeepguy, also, I don't think you should just walk out on family like that, its aggravating I know, but don't give up.
my parents are not controlling, they always gave me the space to decide for myself. My in laws are a different story, though, especially my MIL. The latest is that she told one of her friends, who happens to be friends with one of my coworkers, that she's very upset that we do not "listen" to her, which in her world translates as to "obey" what she says. My husband time and again has told her that while he appreciates her experience and advice, he does not tolerate being manipulated and treated like a child. How many more times he'll have to say the same thing, I don't know.