I have a good friend who is doing the same thing. If you are ready I definitely support your choice. It is hard but if you have the right supports in place you can do it. I definitely recommend seeing if you can find a local support group with others in the same situation in your area. Perhaps the sperm bank even knows of one? Good luck!
I have been in your shoes. The pre-planning stage. I am 35 years old and single and I am now 14 weeks pregnant. I thought this thru long and hard and finally decided it was the best choice for me. My best friend from high school and I talked about it. He had already been married and has a 10yr old from his previous marriage, but he was hoping to have another some day. So we decided after lots of long conversations and planning that we would do this together. We talk all the time and have a great friendship so all I can do is hope it all works out for the best. I have no regrets about my decision and my family & friends are supporting my decision and they can't wait to meet the little one in Feb 2010.
So I wish you the best and I am sure you will make the decision that is right for you. In the meantime, I'll try and keep you updated about my progress. Take care.
Hi! I found your post quite interesting, and although I can't agree or disagree with your decision (because I am not, nor have ever been/will be in your situation), it sounds like you have really thought this through. I did, however, notice your comment about religion within the discussion. The only thing that I would like to say - and take it as you will - is that I can't understand how anyone can experience the miracles of pregnancy and birth and look into the face of a newborn baby and not believe in God. I am not what you would call a "bible-thumper," but I speak from experience, and I hope you get to experience the same someday, no matter what decisions you make lead you there!
Congrats Seavee on making the decision. Ignore what other people think ,and do what's right for you. I had a daughter at age 21, her father and i soon split and i raised her alone for 9 years. I've always wanted another child and tried with donor sperm about 4 years ago, but after a year of it not working i gave up. I'm 31 now and i decided to try again, and it worked! I'm 5 weeks pregnant and super excited. I find being a single parent easier than trying to juggle a husband and a child at the same time. We have a lot of family and friends around that help out. I often feel like i'm the only single parent around, but who cares, its a great bond between you and your child. I wonder what i'll tell people about this next child's father, or the way he/she was conceived, but it'll work out when the time comes. As long as you can financially support the child alone and provide a happy healthy family for them, go for it!
You may be able to find someone that can be more than just a sperm donor. There's a lot of guys that want to be a dad too and are in a similar situation as you, so just something to think about. I've been told by a lot of friends that my ex girlfriend deliberately got pregnant with my son. "Women over 25 don't get pregnant by accident" (says several lady friends of mine). But if she thought I'd just disappear it backfired. We're moving into two separate apartments in the same building this weekend and I'm involved in the prenatal and look forward to bonding with my son and doing my equal part in raising him beginning in a few months. The romance is gone (what there was of it to begin with) but we're in a cooperative friendship that's giving our son both a mother and a father, and since we're willing to do activities together and be together with him he'll have a family parental unit of two as well. We'll have our own lives when we can get time away, but we're still doing it together. So just because you aren't romantically involved, that doesn't mean your baby can't have a father. Something to think about :-)
I am in a situation that is similar to yours, and I just want you to know that you have my full support.
I was googling the phrase "single mothers trying to conceive" when I came across this forum and topic and I was stunned by the backlash your post was met with.
After reading through this thread I became so enraged by some of the comments made that I wanted to retort them for you, but you did an awesome job yourself.
If you ever want to chat with someone, feel free to respond and we can figure out how to contact each other. I could definitely use a level-headed person to talk things through with as well.
I am sorry that I have not responded to the new posts. I didnít get any E-mail saying there was a response so I just assumed the thread had faded into the background. I am so glad to hear from other people.
It is good to hear all the stories and comments. I really appreciate it.
Miss X: I looked at that site. I appreciate it. I will write to them when I get the chance.
Mainerr62: It is good to know that other people understand what it is like to grow up without a father and be ok. It really is good to know I am not the only one.
Jill: I would love a local support group but I honestly donít know a soul who even knows anyone who has done this. I know a couple of people who know of single women adopting but that is as far as it goes. I have not even been able to find a doctor who knows much about my needs. The practicalities of things are really difficult.
Some days I want to just go have a one night stand and get on with it, but I could never do that. A. I donít want to do the deed with some random stranger and B. I donít think I could do anything that dishonest and/or manipulative.
05tmitch11: Please do keep up with the thread. I would like to know how things go for you. You are lucky to have a friend like that. I do have a close male friend who may be willing to donate but he is in no position to be a father. I hope he decides to donate because I do not foresee any problems resulting from it and it would be good to have genetic information available, but I donít really have an option like yours.
StephCoville: religion is a non issue. 20 years of atheism are not going to suddenly change. My appreciation of beauty and wonder do and will exist within my own spectrum of beliefs.
Sandilic: Congratulations. How did you go about finding a sperm bank? Was it anonymous or did you have a known donor? Do you have to worry about people a work reacting negatively and things like that?
Aquarius: Itís good to hear that you are excited about your son. Congratulations. I have to admit that I do not have a lot of faith in the accidental pregnancy idea either. I know it happens but I doubt it happens nearly as often as people claim. I have to admit that if I were sexually involved I would be very tempted to just ďforgetĒ every now and again to see what would happen.
You are both very lucky that things are working out between you. You sound like a decent guy. \
I do know many men who are decent good men. I like men a lot. I just donít happen to know any with whom I am willing to procreate. It is too bad though. Maybe Mr. Right will come along before the end of the school year (time frame to actually start trying) but I donít really count on it.
Catryna: please feel free to e mail me anytime. I will try to E mail you through this site. I am not really concerned about the people who disapprove. It isnít an emotional difficulty. It doesnít upset me. Unfortunately, it is a practical issue. I know how much people will disapprove at work. That is a big deal. Being a high school teacher means that my business is very rarely as private as I would like. People always seem to know what you are doing. I am very concerned that there will be a backlash from parents and coworkers.
It makes me really angry sometimes because I know if I just went out and got knocked up and a man left me, people would feel sorry for me. If I make the active choice to go this alone people are apt to judge me harshly.
I am afraid I will lose my job or worse. I know we would all like to believe that people are more enlightened than that or that the law will protect us, but it just isnít always the case.
Seavee, My doctor recommended a sperm bank for me. Before we had tried a local one, but this time we went with Cryobank in Los Angeles. They ship anywhere, so you could try them out. The shipping is kind of funny, with the FedEx guy delivering "the goods" to your house, but totally worth it. They have a great website to search for the donor and signup. I went with an anonymous donor as a personal choice. i don't feel my baby will be missing out on anything by not knowing where there sperm came from and actually better off than knowing the deadbeat dad rarely wants to see them. (sorry personal bitterness coming out, i know not all men are like that).
I have a few friends in the know and all are supportive. Some are "i don't understand, but i support you." I've been concerned with how to tell my 9yr old's friends and parents. My daughter wanted to tell them in great detail. no honey, let's stick with "i really wanted another child and i had the doctors help me do that." We'll see how it goes. We have the first sonogram on Friday, and I told her she gets to spread the news after that.
My office has a lot of liberal people in it, so i'm not too concerned with the backlash here. Most will think i'm nuts for wanting a second child as a single mom, not about how it was conceived. I think the most important protection against it is being confident in your decision. Hopefully, the parents and co-workers will see how much you love this child that they'll see you as a great parent and not as that single chick who knocked herself up. My friend who did this 16 years ago assures me that after the baby's born, no one even thinks about how it was conceived. Let's keep our fingers crossed.
I was in the same situation I wanted a baby for a long time but i was single and could not wait any longer for the Mr. Right. The route I took was first I considered a bank for sperm doners . Then the more I thought about it worried me the unknown part of it . So I then went to a x who is a good friend to me and asked him. After almost 4 years of serious thought he agreed with conditions he charged me just as a bank would have . Now I have my beauitful daughter. I have no regrets. She is now 17 months old and I want another although I know her father wont do it again. I dont have alot of time to waste because I will be 40 soon. My family does not think I should have another but I want my daughter to have a sibling. I am not saying I dont have a good support system because I do they are great with my daughter they just worry about me being able to handle 2. My advise to you is do what makes you happy and fills your life with Joy. I know my daughter does that for me . She is a extra special blessing from god . Good luck and keep me posted.
I, as a single parent, would like to say something. I have a four year old and another son due shortly. I am a single parent and I love it. While my children do have a father who lives only a short distance away, he is rarely around due to his work schedule (although I will say that for the record, he is a very good dad). Anyway, consider the amount of abusive, abrasive and non-existent fathers (and mothers, for that matter) who are out there. Sure, the Brady's and the Partridge's looked great - but that's not real life. A happy home is what any child needs, and to me it seems as though you are ready and willing to provide that which is more than I can say for many families these days.
I assume you've considered the financial aspect, of which child care is the largest part when they are young. Without my childrens father, I would say that this would seriously be a burden. However, once you've conquered the financial concerns (which I'm sure you have if you're considering a sperm donor), the rest does fall into place. I have what many would consider to be a large family and I am the only one who has not opted to wait for marraige to have kids. Sometimes it can be overwhelming when it's just you, but that feeling will pass on those occassions. Even women with husbands feel that way sometimes.
In the end, anyone can have a baby, but it takes a willing person to be a great parent. Seems like you're on the road to being a great parent. Good luck!