Iíve had this yearning to finally start my family (with my husband of course). I am 22 and have about 2 years left of college. I have been debating whether or not itís a good idea to have a baby now or wait until Iím done with college. Honestly everybody Iíve talked to said I should wait, but I feel I can do it (Iíve went through all the pros and cons). I just wanted to see if there is someone out there that has done it and what they feel about it. Should I wait or can I do it? I thought it all though, yes without a doubt I will have to put my baby in daycare, but I would have to anyways once I get my job after college (me and my husband would be working). Can anybody help me, maybe give some testimonials, good or bad I want to know it all before I make this life changing decision. Thanks.
Well...I didn't do it myself, but I had a few friends who did. Sure you can do it if you HAVE to...but I really don't think you WANT to. Maybe your program isn't as demanding as mine was, but there is NO WAY I could have handled my workload with a baby to boot. Especially now that I've had a baby, I strongly recommend that you wait. You just never know what kind of birth you'll have or what all the recovery will entail. I had a 4th-degree tear with a completely separated left wall...I could hardly roll over by myself much less take care of my baby and go to class. I know how you feel--you just want to jump into the whole motherhood thing, and it seems like no big deal (BEEN THERE!)...but I think you'll be happier if you wait. Don't throw extra stress on that precious time.
I agree with MammaC, wait. I went to college and was working and maintaining my house, garden etc. and that alone was exhausting. I can't imagine having done all that while raising a child. Also you have to think of the child. My mother went to school while raising us and rarely had time for us. My first memories of her don't begin till around age nine or so then she was stressed and as a result irritable. Granted you only have two years left so your potential child wouldn't remember but what if you decide to further your education after that? Also, though pregnancy is a true blessing take it from me (22weeks pregnant) it's not fun (fatigue, nausea, vomiting, cramps, backaches, headaches, hip aches, foot aches, leg cramps, mood swings, frequent bathroom trips, food craving, food aversions, etc, etc, etc). Of course this is your choice but do you really want to have to deal with all this while going to school? Furthermore, what about maternity leave? It would be so convenient to take the semester you're to have your child off as you will need recovery time (and you don't know what will happen, some people need more time than others to recover); do you think you'd go back after that? You may regret it if you don't. There are a lot of things you should give deep thought to before deciding. It can be done but it will be hard. Why not wait just a little longer so you'll be less stressed and able to enjoy your little one more? Also you stated you would have to put your little one in daycare either way. That's fine but if you're in school don't forget that after picking the baby up you still have homework, research papers to write, and studying to do all while caring for an infant/toddler (not an easy job), keeping up your house, cooking dinner, working?, spending time with your spouse, etc.
Last edited by lou; 04-22-2008 at 04:22 PM. Reason: one more thing
I'm not in college, I'm actually in high school, but it is school none-the-less. It's hard to go to school and then go to work, come home and clean up my husband's mess. I am a junior, but despite the stress, I haven't regreted anything, I wouldn't change anything, I love being pregnant and I know that I have to do all of this for my son, but once he is actually here I don't know how easy it will be for me to continue this. One issue I have had is that I would rather be reading a Babytalk magazine than doing my work, but it's really not too difficult.
I think it is better to wait. I was in my 2nd year of college when I found out I was pregnant and I was working. I was out like 14 hours a day and it got really hard in my 9th month. I took my maternity leave and thought I'd give birth and then miss a week of class and go back the next week. I had an emergency c-section because my baby's heart beat was going up and down and they didn't want to take any risks with a vaginal delivery. The recovery after a c-section is HARD. I had planned the perfect vaginal birth and then I'd be up on my feet doing everything. Boy, was I wrong, it was a painful recovery and I could hardly move which meant I had to drop all my classes for that term. But don't get me wrong, I mean I am so thankful to have my son and I wouldn't have it any other way. I plan on going back to school next term to finish. But since you are planning to have a child, I would say wait till your done. It will be less stressful on you.
I have to tell you I am like you chrystinaw only different. I am 28 years old and I am finally going to go to school. I have a 3 year old and 16 month. I am very nervous, I am starting small only one class on Sat in the summer from 8:30 am to 11:15am. I am really excited because I am finally going to have a career not a just a job! Kids are really tough, and even though I will be gone for a short time on Sat I still feel guilty. Having college edu is very important. Put it to you this way once you have a job then you can really go on maturnity leave, and get paid to be on leave! For myself at my job I didn't get paid. You can have a good income coming in. For myself the income I bring in sucks. Better opptunities at day care. For myself I had the kids in 1 1/2 day a week. Thats 2 kids less then 5 hours one day a week I paid $200.00 a month. We couldn't afford it so now I work nights while my husband works days. You don't really know whats going to happen when pregnant, bed rest, nausea, memory problems. I am sure you have heard this but you are young what's a little longer either way you will still be young when you have kids. All in all though it is your decision and how does you hubby feel? to top it off there is no other feeling like being a mom so good luck.
i think that if you feel as thought you can, you should. i mean definitely take in what people are saying you know? i posted a thread about whether or not i'm too young to be a mom. lol. but i mean i think that if that's what you wanna do you should do it. but also follow your instinct. if you keep having a lot of doubts about doing it cuz you're not sure, chances are you really do want to wait deep down. but hey i mean, i'm sure you will have a lot of support from your man and all that. so good luck on whatever you choose! :]
Wait if you can! I finished college after our DD was born and it was ROUGH. Trying to keep my brain clear enough to learn for the first year of her life was almost impossible. You just can't know how mind numbing raising a newborn / infant can be until you go through it. And the littlest think can make you feel overwhelmed, even without exams and finals and papers being due!! When I was working on school work, I felt guilty that I was spending time on something OTHER than being a mommy, even though it was to better myself.
And you can't know what may or may not happen during and after pregnancy. I went onto bedrest without any warning. 6 mo, couldn't leave the house. I was able to make arrangements to finish 2 of my classes that semester online, but 2 others I ended up taking a failure because I couldn't go in to take the exams. I had no idea that was going to happen.
If you can wait - do it. You have plenty of time ahead of you. Finish your schooling, get a good job, and then take your time enjoying a baby. Its hard to squelch that yearning, I know it first hand as do most mom's. It will be worth waiting for. If you do decide to have a baby and go to school at the same time - good luck! Red bull and a good home coffee machine - couldn't have lived without them.
Last edited by ra11en; 05-23-2008 at 10:45 AM.
I'm about to start my last year of college and my husband and I have been waiting so long for the time to be right to start our family. We've decided to start trying around the beginning of October so that I can graduate in April. I figured that if somehow we did get pregnant right away I wouldn't be due until around the beginning of July, so here is my question. Will I be able to take a full class load while pregnant? My classes are going to be very work intensive, and I'm worried that I will be too sick to finish up my classes.
I really don't have anyone to talk to about pregnancy because I'll be the first in my family and I don't have any friends who have been pregnant, so any advise would be VERY welcome.
Wait! I know it seems like forever. But think about insurance. The bill for my pregnancy came out to $60,000+ Thankfully, my husband was employed and we have great insurance. But it turned out we had twins, a complicated pregnancy, and almost daily appointments with a specialist. You just never know what will happen. I worked for the first 6 mos. of my pregnancy. It was so hard! All I wanted to do was sleep (and then vomit!). And I had a cushy desk job. Then, all at once, my dr. pulled the plug and put me on bedrest the last 2 mos. There was nothing I could do but call my employer and tell them I was sorry, but I wouldn't be coming in the next morning.... or at all.
Wait until you can financially afford to be on bedrest and have insurance. My husband was taking online classes to finish his degree at the time, but the workload of no-sleeping, babies, and his job made him fail all 4 classes. He has now accepted that he can't do it all right now. So he'll wait to get his degree (again, thank goodness he has a great job). I hope you will heed our caution. It seems like a long wait, but looking back it went like a blink of an eye.