OK, I was in the same boat as you nearly 2 years ago with my son. When I was pregnant with my son, Travis, I met another soon-to-be mom on Myspace through a local community board. We shared stories and had a lot in common in our pre-baby days. We used to even go to the same night club (pre-babies!). She had her son, Brayson, on June 20, 2006. She put pictures up on her myspace and he was a total cutie! Then my son was born just 2 months later on August 28, 2006. I then put up pictures of Travis wearing the checkered Vans that his dad had bought him before he was born, same ones that Brayson wore in his pictures. Immediately, I said to myself "wow, they look so much alike!". I didn't think anything of it...until 6 months later. I get an email from my friend Bonnie, and it starts off like this "Hi, I'm the 'other mom'. I've met Travis and he is so cute!" I was outraged. I completely cleared off my desk is a fury and yelled at the top of my lungs. My son had a brother who was just 2 months older and I just then found out by the OTHER MOM. Not by his father! So, now 2 years later they get to see each other every other weekend with their dad. The dad has full custody of Brayson (Bonnie had a few slip ups I guess..). I think it's great that our sons can get to semi-grow up together because I just found out on Friday that I have a 20 year old brother in Mississippi that I never knew about and I can't get the chance to go back and grow up with him.
So please, contact the other mothers and try to involve the other children in your daughters life. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. The least they can say is no, and you can go about your life happily with your beautiful daughter.
BTW, if you need to talk about this confusing time, I'd be more than happy to help. Just message me!
I am in a similar situation as you. My son's father has never seen him. He also has a daughter that is 4 months older than my son that he has never seen. There was no overlap of relationship and I did not know the other girl at all before now. She contacted me via myspace and just said "Hi I am___ and my daughter will be your baby's sister." We were both still pregnant at the time. We started emailing back and forth. Then we started texting and then talking. The first time we actually met was the day she had her daughter. I went to the hospital and met her, her daughter(who I now call my niece) and the rest of her family. Well here it is 2 and a half years later and we are best friends. Her family counts me as family as does my family call her their daughter. We have our fights like all girls but we work through it and people tell us it is weird how close we are but our children will benefit from it. If you have any questions about any of this or how we went about our relationship then message me! Good luck!
I say go for it. Your child has the right to know who her siblings are. The other mothers may not agree to meet you but at least you can try. As long as you are doing this to help your child know her siblings then go for it.
I may have a unique perspective here. Of the many things that could enable me to appear with family on Jerry Springer, my siblings would be one. There are four of us legitimate-claimed and supported children between my mother and father. You seem very kind and to have only your child's best interest at heart. I'm certain some of the many women that my father slept with are nothing like you. I have siblings that I have never met. I do not feel that I have missed any thing. I have dysfunctional family members that I grew up with that literally do not know where I live. I would encourage you to investigate the mothers of these children well. If your ex is a dead beat he should have no bearing on how they are raised, but when someone is sleeping around and decieving people it is quite likely that he has at least one or two women in his life that do not mind that he is attatched or engaged married or whatever. All I'm saying is who knows who these siblings may become. So many people have siblings that are raised by there very same parents with the same values that grow up and consistantly drain them under the pretense that because they share DNA they are somehow owed a portion of whatever their sibling works for and earns. If these women don't know about you and your daughter. Investigate them before you bring them and your daughters siblings into her life. In thirteen years what will these siblings be into? What kind of parents do they have? In your daughters shoes, I really wouldn't want anything to bring home to me what a creep my dad is like meeting all the kids he didn't take care of either.
I was in a similar situation. My child's father has a 5 year old son that he never sees. He had told me all these terrible stories about what a 'witch' his son's mother was so I never gave it a second thought. Then things went really downhill due to him almost getting a girl pregnant while I was 8 months along with my daughter. I decided to contact his son's mother and in all honesty, it gave me some relief. We aren't best friends or anything, nor do we talk about the father of our babies, but it's nice to at least know that if there even a remote possibility that my daughter can know her half brother, it's out there. I think you should at least attempt to contact them and if they want nothing to do with it, so be it. At least you can try.
well i can say that i would at least try but everyone is right, they may not want to see their children with your little girl because it shows them a constant reminder of what u have come to realize rather quickly (you got played and played well) my son's father bailed out before i was 2 months pregnant saying that he "isnt ready" and "i should have bought condoms" weather or not you all meet, isnt the issue, even if she never meets her siblings the main goal in all of this is to show her you love her but maybe to show her you love her is to protect her from the pain of seeing what her father is. my best suggestion is to follow your heart and see where it takes u. I am 18 as well but there is more to me than age. apparently though his newest "fiancee" hasnt gotten out of the Prince-riding-her-off-into-the-sunset-on-a-white-horse frame of mind.. she too will learn
When I was seven my father had an affair while married to my mom and had gotten his misstress pregnant which my mom forgave him for, but once a cheater always a cheater he did it again and my mother threw him out and divorced him (you go mom). I found out about this when I was a pre-teen but we didn't discuss it. I still have contact w/ my father and asked him one day in my mid 20's to put me in thouch w/ my 1/2 brother so I could meet him, and to be honest I don't feel it would have been much of a loss or gain weather we met or not after meeting him. My father and him don't talk and everytime we meet up I got to hear how he felt like my father owed him something and got the impression he felt we got the better deal (a cheating father what kind of deal was that). To answer your question, keep in mind you don't know anything about these women and once you open that box they are now in your childs life even if you change your mind about the relationship so think long and hard about it.
Ya know.. I can relate to your situation. My son is the first of three kids that his father has had with three different women. It can understand how it can be a hard decision to make. On one hand you think that protecting your little one from all that drama is the best way to go. But really, sooner or later they're gonna find out about their other siblings. Jake (my little man) doesn't ever see his daddy because he's a lousy father but he does see his 'other' grandparents. And so do the other kids. So they get to know eachother by spending time over there. I talked to the other moms about getting times synchronized with the boys and I feel like it was a good decision. When he gets older, it will be his judgement call about his dad. But when the time comes, at least he won't be dealing with meeting all these unknown siblings.
And as for iniciating contact with the other mother, don't worry. What you'd be doing is for the interest of the kids. And you said that your's is the third.. well.. I'm sure by now they know how the father is and will most likely empathize with you more than anything.
Thought I'd toss in m two cents, as a father of a 4 month old and step father of a 4 and 7 year old. I say go for it...what's the worse that could happen? She tells you to get lost, at least you can say to yourself that you tried. My 7 year old (yes I call him my son) does not see his biological father, but our 4 year old does (different dads). So I see both sides and I no how important it is for a child to have relationships with any and all relatives that they have. Hopefully the other moms will see it's what's best for the kids and put any anger and resentment aside.
My oldest sons father is the same, maybe worse! I think its a great idea to try to connect with the other kids. The worse they can say is no.