My sister is going through the same thing that you are, although you seem to be a whole lot smarter than she is becuase she went through this with her 1st child's father and now she is pregnant again and this ones father is pretty much the same as the first! Anyhow, i think it would be to your childs benifit to have contact with her siblings. My niece has only met her half brother and sister once but they talk on the phone all the time and she constanly talkes about them. I think since she is an only child it helps knowing that she does have siblings out there some place. I do agree with others that if you do get into contact with these other mothers that its about the children not about bashing the dead beat, and if it doesn't work out then you can always say you tried! I wouldn't tell your child that you are planning this until you know its set in stone though, there is no point in breaking her heart if it doesn't work out!
I say you go for it! The only answer you can get it a yes or no, and if they say no a least you know you tried to bring the kids together since they are family. GOOD LUCK!
are you trying to have drama for your daughter? leave it alone and raise her yourself, she doesnt need to know what a loser her father is. when she gets older what do you think her and the two other kids will wonder about? there father, then they will start talking and bring up issues that her dad didnt want her? is that what you want? go for child support and raise her alone. she doesnt need to know anything about him or any other kids if her left.
I think things are probably chaotic enough without your child meeting these "siblings". First, she has a crappy father, who has to be sued to support her. Secondly, you have no idea what these other women aka the mothers are like. They may be worse than your ex. Just put your energy into continuing to be the good mother you seem to be.
I think it's a personal decision, and in the end you shouldn't listen to anyone on this site, but instead trust your own intuition.
Personally, place yourself in your child's place. Maybe she doesn't get to see her dad cuz he's a deadbeat. But if she knew she had the chance to see siblings, and that you kept it from her... wouldn't that tick you off if you were her? Family is family. And those people/kids may not be your family, but they're her family and she has a right to at least know about them.
And if the other mothers ARE worse than the dad, then maybe you can do right by their children and give them a chance at a better life in small ways.
If I were in your position, I'd do it.
Ruby Ilene born May 27th, 2009.
7lbs 11oz and 20in long.
My biological father has two children with his current wife. His son is 7 years younger than I and his daughter is about 11 years younger than I. My bio father has never been in my life, not that I mind (I have the most amazing step father!), but I do wish I could be more involved with his childrens lives. Definitely call the mothers up and have your daughter meet the rest of his children. I couldnt imagine finding out later in my life that I had siblings I never knew about or have spent time with. Good luck!
I think they should meet, I am a father couldnt dream to do what I see alot of men do to their kid's, I have one and I would die before I did things of the nature i see fathers do. The point at hand though they should meet for alot of reasons, have you ever seen those 20/20 shows they never knew they had brother and sisters ended up at the same highschool dated or got married and then found out, you dont want that to happen to your children, you always have to know your family, my dad moved on had 3 children (all girls) never cared for me as he does for the others simply because him and my mom dont get along, so he takes it out on me, but his daughters, my sisters we get along great they call me almost every day we talk get together for dinners holidays even though our father may not we do and it has definatly made me a stronger husband and father to my wife and son, so in the long run family defines you! even if you dont get along you learn from that and hopefully take the good from it and become the person that people remember you by.
As an adult that came from that very situation (I was baby #1, parents divorced when I was 1), I wish I hadn't had contact with babies #2 & #3. If he's not your childs father (In the active sense of the word) then what does that make them? Nothing.
My Dipwad (the nicest term I could use on these boards) would drop me on baby mamma #2 on the rare occassions he actually utilized his "visitation" though I'm not sure how it would be called his visitation when I spent it with his "wife" and her 2 kids??
I loved my "sisters" but as I grew up, he left them too. He eventually disappeared from my life completely, allowing my wonderful step father to adopt me when I turned 10 and hadn't seen dipwad in a couple of years. As a teen and adult it was hard to cut the siblings loose, but they still had/have occassional contact with him, and I wanted him completely out of my life forever and for good. I tried in my twenties to keep in contact with them, but they, and their mother kept pestering me to allow contact with him (before you start, he has not changed one iota in 35 years. He has other illegitimate children, no job, and spend the majority of his time smoking dope, all of which is exactly what he was doing 35 years ago.)
So now, I feel sorry for my sisters, a little guilty for letting them go, but on the other hand I also feel VERY STRONGLY that he is not my father, therefore what does that make them???? Strangers. I don't need the daily reminder, or a support group built on the trail of illegitimate children he's left behind. who needs that kind of painful reminder that I have a "father" out there somewhere that didn't care enough to be there when I have a wonderful family, and THE best dad I could have ever asked for in my hands?
I think its a great idea... But as Mikey_BKK said your goal is only to tell that your child is their childs brother or sister and that you want your daughter to meet them.
I tell you this from experience I have two siblings, one sister and one brother, that I have never meet. And after knowing what is like to have a sister and a brother (I have two more) it makes me sad to know that I will never have the opportunity to know them. My father pass away and never made the effort of having a relationship with the other two and worst never made the effort of introducing us to them.
I love my brother and sister (the ones that grew up with me) so much that I just feel so sad knowing that I have two more and I have never even seen them.
So I say "go for it" but remember that you shouldn't make the ex an issue with the other moms.
Go luck! Hope everything turns out great!
"Infants never remember a messy house; they remember the attention and love you share so freely"
Yes, I think they should meet. It isn't the children's fault, so why should they miss out on their siblings? I know two girls who are best friends and half sisters. They are a couple months apart. Their dad was cheating, and married the younger one's mom. As weird as it may seem, these girls love each other like sisters (cuz they are) and the mom's are not selfish enough to stop it. They even spend the night at each other's houses. As a grown child of a single mother, I can tell you I often wonder about my father, and my mom said he had three sons. I would love to find them someday, but I haven't been able to track down my father (who I never met). If your daughter knows about them, which it is best to be honest I think, then she may always feel a void not knowing them. The only way it could start drama, is if you or the other moms make it about how you feel, instead of giving your kids a full life that includes their siblings. And if it doesn't work out now, keep their names and contact info for your daughter. She can easily get in touch with them when they are collage age!