Being Clueless

[Arnold Grundel]

My wife is suffering heavily from her first pregnancy. She's bed-ridden and can't get up for more than a few hours. As such the shopping and the cooking and everything else most guys have no idea how to do has fallen to me. I have never been more humble in my life. Does anybody else have this problem too?

[cay8099]

I am a mom but, if you need any advice on how to handle things I would be happy to answer any questions to help make this time easier for you. Good luck; I hope your wife starts to feel better.

[Mikey_BKK]

Being pregnant is tough on both of you. I had nearly 9 months of aggressive mother-to-be who threw up every day, including the day she gave birth. For most, it’s morning sickness, for some it’s all day sickness. It’s normally the first 3 months, some go on to 4-5 months before feeling better, but then some has it longer than that too.
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Nature found it appropriate that mothers should be more aggressive – in order to protect and take care of their children better. Women often deny this but it is a fact of life
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So what to do? I recommend to acknowledge, respect and accept each others feelings and talk openly about your feelings, and leave it at that. Millions of people has it, it will pass
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Michael
Father of Idea, the good idea

[CPST_Jim]

Plan your meals a week at a time. Figure out what you will need for each recipe and make a shopping list based upon that. Then you'll have everything you'll need when it's time to start cooking each meal.

Your wife is going stir crazy. Trust me on this one. So talk to her a LOT! Get her lots of books, magazines, and crafting stuff she can do in bed. Sit down with her do some scrapbooking. Become involved in things that she likes. Make her feel a part of your life and not just shut off from the rest of the world. Plan those meals with her. Get a laptop and hit www.foodtv.com and make cooking a fun time for both of you. You'll learn how to be a good cook, and that will be a huge thing later on in your marriage. Trust me on this one!

Why not get together with her friends and plan a special party for her? Setup the couch, a futon, recliner, or a bed in the living room and have her friends over for a girls party that you cater. Hey, you've been learning to cook now, right? So make lots of goodies, finger sandwiches, and such. Get it all set, and then get out of the house and leave it all to the ladies. She'll love being able to catch up with friends and family she's been missing, and you'll get a little free time to yourself, which I guarantee you need as well. Heck, take the time to go get a massage and relax.

Speaking of massage, you can hire a massuesse to come to your home and give your wife a pregnancy massage. It will do wonders for her. And above all, make sure that she knows that you still find her sexy and attractive. Hugs, kisses, and flowers. If she feels like anything else, then great, but don't push her.

And when it comes to getting a car seat for your new baby, don't hesitate to ask me any questions. I'll be more than happy to help you pick out a seat that will fit your baby, car, and budget, and then help you learn to use and install it properly.

Jim
Licensed Child Passenger Safety Technician (CPST) --> Car Seat Tech

[ra11en]

Do what you can in bulk and realize things will be 'not as good' for a little while.

I was on bed rest for almost 6 months and everything fell to my DH as well. We learned quickly that the laundry would pile up more than usual and the cooking got done but all tasted the same. It was a big adjustment, but little did we know it was NOTHING compared to the adjustment we had to do AFTER the baby came home. It was great practice!

My husband went shopping for groceries twice a month and shopped in bulk according to a list I made for him. The list was super detailed, from size and quantity to brand or generic name. Of course he still had little trips for perishables here and there, but the majority of it was done in just 2 trips.

We looked for easy fixing recipes online and there are TONS! This helped my poor DH who never had to cook for himself thanks to his great mom.

Get family involved as much as you can handle. Our family members and friends were always asking if we needed anything, and our answer was almost always a reheatable meal was never turned away. It was especially great for me when a friend, family member or neighbor brought a meal by because I had some company for a little while. Those days laying around were almost maddening!!

We cleared it with our doctor that for every doctor appointment it was okay for me to go out to eat afterwards. In the beginning that wasn't too often, but later in the pregnancy I was at the dr office every other week as a high risk pregnancy. That was a lot of trips out to eat and feel normal (as normal as a pregnant woman can feel I guess) and relax with DH.

I was lucky enough to also be able to work from home while on bedrest, so that ate up a lot of my time. But, I still had a ton of time to fill so I spent a lot of time reading, shopping online, DVR surfing (best invention ever made), etc. And I invited someone over for lunch at least once a week. It got so routine that my MIL brought me and DH a full dinner every Friday night. I mentioned she was pretty terrific didn't I?

Spend as much time as you can handle laying around with her. The best parts of my bedrest were when DH would lay down with me and watch a good movie, or TV show, or just gossip about stuff. When I was frustrated that the house was dirty or laundry was piling up and I couldn't get to any of it he would just remind me that I have the hardest job of all right now, growing a human. He would gently tell me to let it go, he would take care of what he could but it wouldn't be the same for a while. Again, little did we know it was way longer than we thought! A newborn is WAY more intrusive on household chores than bedrest ever was!

Every other month or so my DH would hire a housekeeper to come in and just scour the entire house from top to bottom. It made me feel so relaxed and carefree knowing everything was going to get done to MY standards, and DH just kept up with it to his standards in between. It wasn't that expensive, and it made a huge difference.

Best of luck, and I promise this too shall pass!!

[Arnold Grundel]

Thank you all so much! This has been great advice. I've got some great news! The other day I told my wife I was going to get the mail, and an incredible thing happened! She asked if she could come!!! I stood there for a couple seconds dumbfounded, but then asked if she'd be able to do it. When she said she thought she could, she started to slowly get up. I ran over to her bedside and helped her up. We got outside and slowly started our way to the mailbox. (with our baby of course haha). I was so happy to see her up and moving! Even if it was for a little walk, it was great to hold her hand again! Here is another question, I want to make a cake for her and suprise her, does anyone have a good frosting recipe?

[CPST_Jim]

Here's a link to a really yummy buttercream icing: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/f...ipe/index.html

You might want to check there for cake recipes too!

Glad to hear your wife is up and moving again some.

[Arnold Grundel]

Thank you very much. I will look at the cake receipes too. (mine came out of the oven looking more like a orange blob than anything else) maybe these will be better explained receipes.

[freckles]

This may be too late but try allrecipes.com. It is the thought that counts, not the frosting. lol I am happy to hear that your wife is feeling better.

[Arnold Grundel]

Thank you for the recipes they turned out great! So our "beloved child" goes through diapers like I've never seen. I didn't even have to change this many when I had younger siblings. I found a link for diaper coupons, has anyone had any experience with these?