DSD keeps stealing, what to do?

[GaPchNCrm]

This is my first post here so please bear with me....Quick intro-
Me- 32
DH-30
DD-15
DSD-13 (lives with mom)
DD-11
DD- 10
DSD- 9
DD-9
DSD- 8

Yeah you read that right. There are 7 girls between us. DH has custody of his 2 youngest, their mother spends more time in rehab and jail than she does out and she hasn't seen her children in almost a year and a half. Usually everyone gets along well, some bickering and what not that is usual, but this latest turn of events has me perplexed as to what to do.

The 8 yo DSD apparently will take off with anything that isn't nailed down. When DH and I first started dating his mom told me about DSD taking some gum from a store one time. She was about 2 or 3 at the time, they made her take it back inside, and punished her for it. I didn't think much of it. A few months ago, 4 of our daughters picked up a piece of a toy from Walmart and took it out of the store with them. This DSD in question is the one who finally blew the whistle on the other 3. This earned them a trip to the police department to discuss stealing with the police sargeant, having to write 500 sentences of " I will not steal", writing letters of apology to the manager of Walmart and returning the toy, plus grounding from everything but breathing for 2 weeks.

This week, the 3 DSD's are in Florida with the inlaws. I was doing laundry and asked my 2 youngest to put up the 2 younger DSD's clothes since they weren't there. The 9 yo had about 10 tubes of chapstick in her top drawer. My 2 start saying that the youngest gave it to her. I opened the youngests drawer and there is chapstick, 5 $1 bills, and a ring. The ring was mine, and I remembered my mom asking the kids if they had seen some ones she left laying on the table earlier that week. I asked my mom how many she was missing she said 5 or 6. My sister said that everytime we are there something comes up missing from her room also. I had asked the youngest to take my wedding rings and put them in my jewelry box a while back while I was doing chores. The ring that came up missing was just a piece of costume jewelry I bought as a souvenier a long time ago, but it was mine and was in my jewelry box. The kids start telling me about all this stuff DSD has brought home from school that friends "gave" her including jewelry, money, candy, perfume, chapstick and the like.... but of course school is out now so I can't investigate that route further. DSD isn't due home until next weekend, and I need a plan for discipline for when she gets home. DH is a strict disciplinarian and says " spank her till she can't sit down" and be done with that. While I am not totaly opposed to spanking, I have popped her before for other infractions and she pitches such a fit that I dont feel its the best way to deal with her. Its not making a long enough lasting impression. This has obviously been going on for quite some time but we just now caught on to it, and I would like suggestions on how to deal with it. Thanks!

[Landon'sMommy]

I can't say I have experience with the stealing, but as far as the discipline part, allow me to share my thoughts on it.

First of all my parents were both strong disciplinarians. I would never consider myself beaten, but my parents didn't think twice about giving out spankings if they thought i needed it. I'm not one of those parents who think that spanking will turn you child into a murderer, however I am not a fan of it because I simply do not think it is an effective punishment. I distinctly remember times when I was getting spanked that I would think to myself "oh well it hurts for a little bit then its over" and I can't remember a spanking ever stopping me from doing what I wanted to do. In fact, I remember wanting to piss them off more because I was upset they hurt me. Obviously your SDs stole a few items and didn't get caught so the habit continued and is now out of hand. Now your job as a parent is to teach them why this is wrong. Maybe you could sit down with them and tell them you are aware of their stealing things and ask them calmly why they have been taking things that don't belong to them. I say calmly because if you ask them an honest question without the impression that they will be reprimanded they may be more inclined to be truthful. It's hard to know exactly what they are going through from one post but it sounds like they have been to hell and back with the mother. A lot of problems in children are caused by emotional problems. Do your SDs get an allowance on a regular basis? If not you could maybe tell them if they are good and do all their chores during the week they will get an allowance so they can buy themselves the little things they want, like the chapstick or a ring. Children thrive off of a reward system and are more likely to make better decisions with some incentives. I'm finding this out with my own 2 children! The discipline and punishment only seem to have a more negative effect on their behavior. If after an incentive is laid out and a talk about why we don't take things that don't belong to us, and the stealing continues, then I suggest taking their treasured items (such as TV, their favorite outfit, purses, cell phone) away from them without telling them and then when they come asking if you've seen it, tell them that you took it and now they see what it feels like to have something taken from them. If the stealing still continues then I think a worthy punishment should be given. One thing I've noticed with my children is not every child requires the same type of punishment. You might need to experiemnt around and see which one hits home most, whether it be grounding or taking something away such as a favorite item or a privilege.

This is all just my own personal views, I'm not licensed expert. I have been doing a lot of reading on child psychology to become a better parent and I'm learning a lot of things I didn't know before and realized I was making some bad decisions as a parent. I hope the best for you and your family! Keep us posted on how things are going!