im 20 years old and a new mom i know that i should be really happy and most days i am. but lately everything just seems so overwhelming. i have to take care of her, the house, my fiancee, and i work 40 hours a week. i just feel like theres something missing from my life something to make me happy just for me. my fiancee plays softball and there isnt a weekend that he doesnt do something for him, and most of the time i dont care but sometimes i guess i get jealous and i want something for me. but i dont know what to do or where to start. i know i love my fiancee and my daughter but im just not as happy as i think i should be. any advice???
That's a tough spot, but I think many of us can identify. Have you mentioned your feelings to you fiancee? Even if he's willing to pull his weight just one night a week, you could have some "you time" to do whatever you feel would fill that void (read, scrapbook, have a date with a friend, etc.). I'm not even working right now, and I feel that life is really packed with duties. I do find myself sometimes envying my husband's freedom to just walk out the door without a purse and diaper bag and baby carrier and shopping bags etc etc etc. In the beginning, I even resented that he got to shower and go to the bathroom whenever he wanted and without interruption. I think as time has passed, I've become more comfortable with my station in life, more patient with my husband, and more in love with my baby. My husband is fabulous which probably helps. I can have coffee with a friend or go shopping or even just watch TV when I need to. It makes such a difference when your partner comes alongside you. When I was working, he'd help me with the chores at night and take care of our daughter in the morning. I have an unusually sensitive husband...most guys need to be TOLD how you're feeling and BE GIVEN some possible solutions. Go ahead and ask--can't hurt.
I agree w/ MommaC and think that you should have a conversation w/ your fiance about having some time to yourself; it's important to regroup every once in a while. But here is some tough love. You are a mom and mom's don't have a ton of free time. It's an overwhelming job, it's a full time job, and it's not always filled w/ hugs and kisses. Guys just aren't wired the same as women, and for good reason! Someone needs to be on call for the kids! My husband and I have 3 kids and he STILL sleeps right through them crying in the middle of the night because "he knows I hear them." He is a wonderful father/husband, but MAN do I get mad You may feel like something is missing because you have to put on hold alot of what you defined yourself as before you had your daughter, but that person isn't gone, you just have add another facet to 'you.'
It's a hard thing to do to find the new facets of yourself. I am still working on that. My sweetie seems to me to get a lot more personal time (he plays x-box). Most days I accept it. When I can't anymore I tend to explode with a plan without consulting him or just letting an argument happen (I feel pretty sure, most days, that we can resolve it and so far we always have.) Not the best way, but whatever works.
I tend to agree with all of the above.... Talk to your fiance. It may not seem to get much accomplished at first, but if you say it often enough.... It has to get through eventually... You would think Also, go out of your way TO MAKE TIME for yourself... It's just as important for you to be happy as the rest of your household! An unhappy mommy makes for a miserable rest of the family lol. Even if it means staying up an hour later than usual, after you put baby to bed just so you can have some 'me' time.