hello im 13

[*Babylon*]

thanks for trying to help me, those of you that did. and those of you that provided the mean comments, i.e. keep your legs closed, maybe you need to do a little growing up to do too. you hurt feelings, so maybe i'll try to find a forum with more understanding women. thanks for your help, sorry to disturb and bother you all.

*sigh* PLEASE read my post from the beginning and not just the last couple of sentences.

You became sexually active at a ridiculously young age... sorry to be harsh, but you were irresponsible to begin having sex. UNPROTECTED sex. Getting pregnant is really the least worst, have you ever thought about STDs, like AIDS? if you couldn't be responsible for yourself, how can you be responsible for a newborn? I think that's what most ladies here are trying to say, clearly you're not mature enough to take of your own and I'm sure your parents realize that and that's why they want you to think about adoption. Like someone said, if you want to somehow be involved in this baby's life, you can always look into open adoption and give yourself and the creature an opportunity to have the best life possible.

[NaomiK]

Ok guys, this girl is here for advice. While most of what everyone is saying is true, there is no reason to be ugly. If you decide to keep this baby, as everyone has said, it will be the hardest, most challenging, most important thing you will ever do with your life. As far as your boyfriend, well, its great that he is supportive now. But I have learned from being a young mother, that you cannot depend on anyone but yourself when it comes to raising a child. Do not be suprised if you lose all of your friends and you lose respect from everyone in your life. My baby had colic for 3 months. No one was there. Just me. Im married but my husband was working 90 hours a week to support us. I couldnt take a shower most days. I didnt realize I hadnt eaten until I was lightheaded and faint. Every piece of clothing I had was ruined by spit up (she also had reflux). I was 21 when I had her and still got looks and comments from everyone about being a young mother. Now that my daughter is a year old, there is no more spit up. But now there is potty training, talking to her teachers at daycare, taking her to doctors appoitments because she has had pnemonia, sinus infections, viral infections etc. My clothes are still being ruined because she wipes her snot, messy face, spit, bugers etc all over me. I NEVER have time to myself. I take that back, my time is a shower (when I can get one) and my drive to work (after I drop her off). If that counts. Be prepared to wake up much earlier for school (if you get to sleep at all) to get him dressed, fed, changed, etc. Be prepared to come home to feed, play, change, bathe, etc. Forget talking on the phone or getting on the internet or watching tv or whatever. Be prepared to do your homework standing up, swinging a baby in your arms because if you stop he will wake up and scream. Be prepared for your post baby body. It wont be pretty. Be prepared for the comments, looks, snide remarks, etc. You will have a completely different life. Nothing stays the same. It can be very hard to be patient and not lose your temper. There were many times when she would cry for 4 hours straight. All I could do was sit there and cry with her. You will want to give up, you will want to get away, but you cant. You created this beautiful life and you have to cherish it. Dont expect help from your boyfriend, friends, family, whoever. If they help you, fantastic, but dont expect it. There really isnt anything you can read to prepare you. But keep reading, you will feel more comfortable. Keep talking to other moms. And remember that while parenting is the most challenging thing you can do, it is also the most rewarding thing you can do. And when you want to give up, remember what its like to look into your babys eyes and never love anyone else so much. There will be many hard times, but that is why there are so many good times. It makes it all worth it. The first smile, the first time they say mama, the first time they walk. Its beautiful. Im not going to tell you weather or not to give the baby up for adoption. Just be prepared for the ride of your life. And its not just for 18 years. Its forever. Keep us updated

[cay8099]

BirminghamMa is 19, and look what happened to her. If Tiny can't handle some ladies here who aren't really being that ugly; how is she going to handle some random lady in the grocery store who goes off on her? There are some hard truths in life that some people need to hear, and IMHO a pregnant 13 yo needs to hear them. Tiny asked our opinions, and now that she doesn't like what some have to say she's crying Meany becasue her feelings are hurt.

HARD TRUTH: People are mean, and what we've said here is nothing compared to what she'll hear from random stragers.

[KayLady]

You're right Cay - and tiny needs to realize that if she can't handle the truth, then she can't handle a baby. She wants to run and delete her account because she maybe heard the same things her mother was telling her.
Tiny you say you are more mature than most girls your age, then prove it by making the decision to stop having sex until you are old enough to raise a child and old enough to know how to use protection!

[NaomiK]

I agree. She will get it much worse from random strangers, and maybe she does need to hear it. But my point is, we should not act like random strangers. We are a community of supporting mothers who come here for encouragement, advice, and constructive criticism. I know I dont come here to be put down. She will get enough of that elsewhere.

[kateambers123]

I dont understand why there are so many harsh comments in here. Tiny came here for support and advice, if she wanted to hear anything so mean all she had to do was walk out the door with a pregnant belly and she'd hear it. that's why she came here instead. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts & opinions but really now, are some of these comments necessary? We all knew what it was like to be pregnant and I'm sure some of us knew what it was like to be pregnant and be unsupported by the people around us, which is why we turn to the internet in hopes for a more honest but not so mean way of support. I'm not encouraging you Tiny to go ahead and jump at parenthood at 13 years old, I pray that your family will support you eventually if you do decide to keep the baby because like everyone has said, it is one tough and not so cute/fun job. Is it rewarding? It is but you have to get through alot of bad times to see the good times. It's not as easy as it sounds, but you'd never know til you tried it, otherwise the thought will keep lingering around your head. Whatever you do, remember that this is for the love of your child and you have to think about him/her first. I'm glad you didn't stick to abortion, and I have to say adoption is a big decision as well as keeping it is. Nobody wants to look back one day and regrets giving up the child they had created, at whatever given age. Yet the tough part is, you don't want to have a baby at 13 when you actually have the baby in your hands. Since you want to keep the baby and you are confident you can do it, I say give it a try and after you get a taste of it, you can be the judge of what being a mother is like. I wish you the best of luck & really just keep your head up regardless of what harsh things anyone has to say. It's part of life! Keep us updated! <3

[BirminghamMa]

Look Tiny none of us are trying to be mean. Im 19 therefore I am adult, I am married, I have my own home, I have a decent income and I still get dirty looks and comments! People check my ring finger all the time and make comments. This is my first child and its extremely hard. Your going to go through a lot of hard times (especially if the dad isnt going to man up or your family isnt going to help) I wish you the best of luck and be prepared for all the comments, remarks, and dirty looks. I will pray for you.

[BirminghamMa]

Thanks Cay. Tiny go read my thread "Young Mom needing Advice" by me so you can be prepared for what is to come

[*MAKAYLA'S MAMA*]

I am new to these message boards, although I have always read through...just never thought to join until tonight. After reading some of the post's that were written to this 13 year old pregnant girl, some people should really be ashamed of themselves. I agree that she probably has no idea what she is in for when it comes to being the sole caretaker for an infant but no one is really prepared for that the first time around. In different areas of the world and in different cultures girls are married and having babies in their early teen years and yes to most this does seem completely inappropriate but this is the way of the world. Isn't it better that she is looking for some support than trying to hide the situation? I worked with teens going through similiar situations and the outcomes aren't always pretty....the young girls who felt they had no support or anywhere to turn to are the ones you hear about on the evening news because they dumped the infant in a garbage or something like that. So instead of trying to push our morals down her throat, people need to take a step back and remember how you felt when you were pregnant with your first child...those feelings of happiness and of being terrified and realize that we like most people were not young teenagers already dealing with so much. I am not saying that everyone has to agree with her situation or support it but she is clearly looking for someone to connect with and treating her in that way shows her one more place that she can't turn to.

[cay8099]

In those countries where 13yos are getting married and having babies, that is their culture. They are raised from birth for the marriage/baby making mart. It's the norm there.

In most countries around the world 13yos are still considered to be children. She has her whole life ahead of her, and the next five of those years should have been carefree.