I am so mad! Am I a bad parent?

[fldsjf]

Let me start off with a little background. Sorry if this post is a little long.

My son just turned 3 May 3rd and does not have the speech skills of the typical 3 year old. He does talk, but he has a lot of phonics issues. We work with him at home, and has shown some improvement. He also flails his arms when he gets excited about something.

OK. Now to the point. My parents have been on my case for the past year to get him tested for autism. I do not think he needs to be tested for several reasons. 1) Speech delays run in the family. My husband and several siblings had to go to speech therapy during elementary school. His oldest brother didn't talk much until he was 4. Now you can't shut him up! 2) He is extremely bright. he knows his alphabet and can count past 10. He can also identify numbers and letters when asked to. He has good problem solving skills. He tries to figure things out on his own, but will ask for help when he gets frustrated. 3) I am a music teacher and part of my college teaching was taking a course in identifying and dealing with learnig disabilites. I admit that he does need speech help, but he does not have any other symptoms of autism.
My parents just won't leave the issue alone. They tell me I am a bad parent because I am being stubborn about the issue and am not getting him tested. I do not want a doctor medicating him for a problem he does not have. You hear of cases all the time where children are being needlessly medicated and are worse off. Am I being a bad parent by not getting him tested for disabilities? How can I get my parents off my case?

[RachelGrace33]

There is so much more than a speech delay to autism, I've been doing a lot of research on it because I believe that my daughter has autism. Does your child have any obsession to any type of object, is your child social? Make eye contact? There's a lot more to it than speech. Your parents don't know what they are talking about.

You're not a bad parent at all.

[H.Starr]

So what's the harm in getting him tested?

If he doesn't have it, he doesn't have it. And you can shut your parents up about it.

And if on the off chance he may, then you'll know.

If you're convinced he doesn't, then who cares? A test is not medication.

[rydersmom]

You son sounds a lot like mine. He is 2 1/2, but from 1 to 2 he showed a lot of austics signs. The main sign he has now is speech delay (and he does the arm thing when he gets exicted). He also can count to 10 and knows the alphabet and every animal. He memorizes his shows and can say many of the words. I am on a waiting list to get him tested. They say the earlier it is detected, the better treatment will work. My son also has sensory issues. He is seeing a speech therapist and an occupational therapist right now. I would say take him, it can't hurt. If you do not agree with the doctor, it's your call.

[shortcake92585]

"Mother knows best"...that is, a mother knows her child best. A lot of times grandparents are out of the loop when it comes to raising small children and things change quite a bit from the time that they raised us. The other thing to consider is the fact that many people get paranoid about medical issues before they really do the research. You seem to be pretty confident that your son is just a late bloomer in that area, so why not just get some speech therapy and go from there. I know it can be difficult to ignore the self-righteous attitudes of our parents, but don't give up. Do what you feel is best for your child and if they don't like it, too bad. It is not their decision to make. They had their chance at child-rearing and they need to learn to take a back seat and let you do it the way you feel is right. Just follow your heart and good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

[Mikey_BKK]

Of course you are not a bad parent, you are a good parent.
Grand parents should be there to help the real parents rest, that’s all they should do. But it doesn’t work that way…
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It’s easy to answer the last thing you write in your post: How can I get my parents off my case… – You can’t, not without creating bad feelings all over the place
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But you can be more tactical. If the parents are paying for the test, do it. It will shut them up when the results come, and silence on the subject of autism will have been achieved without confrontation. Don't be mad at them, they do it out of love, let them waste their own money instead
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Michael
Father of Idea, the good idea

[elissamaria]

I agree in many of the opinions expressed above. Autism is much more than speech and developmental delays. And as stated above I'll get her tested anyway just to let the grandparents be at peace. As Mikey_BKK said they do it out of love, so there's nothing wrong in giving them some tranquility. Is a win-win situation. =)

[freckles]

You should be seeing your doc for a check up soon if he is three.....ask some advice. You should trust your instincts anyway. You cant be rushing around doing what your parents want everytime they express their opinion.