My Daughter Raped?

[tinymommy]

that is so sad!! i am sorry for what you are going through. i am thirteen and i am trying to take care of myself and my baby. i am only pregnant, but if you make her get an abortion... she will hate you. my parents tried to make me abort, and i refused. i hate them for even thinking that i would!! a baby is a baby...not something that deserves to die, no matter how they were conceived!!

[jenn_0629]

I think as a father, it is your choice about the baby. Sorry to say it, but she is fourteen, raped or not...she cannot be a mother.

I was raped when I was barely 16, by two "friends" of mine. I didn't cry when it happened. If it weren't for a true friend of mine (my now husband) I wouldn't have told anyone.

Just be there for her. Kids make bad decisions. If she is making it up, just remember that. Kids make BAD decisions. If she was assaulted, be a the great man that she needs in her life to realize that not all men are scumbags.

Good luck, James. If you need to talk or anything, just let me know.

[Fajja]

Well, as it turns out, she did lie. She told me that she had unprotected sex with a 19 year old boy, but won't give me a name. She has told him about the baby and he says it isn't his. She refuses to abort, refuses to give the baby up for adoption. She is puking her brains out, getting made fun of at school, falling behind at school. Making her mother worry sick about her. I am just at a complete loss on what to do with this girl. She wasn't raised like this. I just don't know. Thank you all for your help.

[mom2aboy]

I'm so sorry your family is going thru this . If you have been a good father, you did all you could. Having sex and getting pregnant was her decision and it doesnt mean you or your wife failed as parents. Just keep supporting her and being by her side. You guys are probably all she has right now.

[H.Starr]

19 and 14?? He definitely belongs in jail for statutory rape.

I am so sorry for you, I can't imagine how hard this all must be, especially in the father/daughter aspect.

[Mikey_BKK]

I am just at a complete loss on what to do with this girl – Have you tried hugging her? Better ask first, May I hug you?
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I don’t mean to be impolite, please don’t take offence, but if nothing else works, what to do? I don’t know what has happened to her, puppy love that went badly wrong most likely. Whatever, she is still a child. With smaller children, we help them by acknowledging their feelings, I don’t see why that couldn’t help with older children too? It still supports the same need. And we want to see almost the same behaviour improvement. She probably feels absolutely horrible inside so it sounds like a good thing to do too.
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You write that she is made fun of in school. Well, if she is made fun of in school, then she needs help to keep her head high, that’s your and mummy’s job to do. How is that help going? Again, I am not writing it to be impolite but to emphasise that life goes on and your daughter, whatever happens, still is at the beginning of her life
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Legally, it’s her decision what to do, isn’t it? Having it any other way would mean that the young mother could sue to get her child back and sue her parents to get their retirement money to pay for the catching up with her child that they denied her. Whose decision should it be? It should be hers, shouldn’t it? I think that it helps to realise that
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There is a baby coming and it’s not going to stop growing so better accept fact. Abortion is probably out of question soon, too late anyway but adoption is still open and there is no rush actually. No one will ever be able to force your daughter to change her mind but trust can open a door to discussion (although I doubt the discussion will be about adoption or not, the first few months anyway), only people whom your daughter really trust will be allowed to join. Those who aren’t really allowed to join but do it anyway won’t have an impact really. How is the trust now? Trust between her and her mother, trust between her and you?
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Have you started to think about how your daughter will feel about you and mummy after she has given birth / adoption / whatever? Will she accept and respect like before or maybe reject? This is not the end of something, it’s the beginning of something. Is it the beginning of an adoption process (not one event, a process)? Is it the beginning of motherhood?
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I would try to get her trust because whatever happens, I will need it later. Do you have any other option now? Is there any other door in? I don’t know, why not try this: Show her that you are interested in how she feels now when she is pregnant. How do you feel when eating that? Does it make you throw up? Try Hello my darling, would you like me to help you with your homework a little this evening, not too long, I know that you are tired. Has morning sickness come yet? At one time, it will maybe even be time for the question - Do you want a boy or a girl?
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Of course the father says that it not his child, he’d put himself in all kinds of problems if he did. I’m still of the same opinion, it doesn’t matter at all yet. You will know one day.
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Good Luck and keep in touch
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Michael
Father of Idea, the good idea

[MommyToConnor]

I'm so sorry for this whole situation.

You should really get her into counseling.

[Rowlee]

Hi Fajja- This is a tough situation to be in as a parent. I agree that being supportive and loving is very important. I would suggest family counselling not just for your daughter. Maybe there has been some breakdown in communication as your daughter was willing to lie to both of you initially. I think a therapist that deals with this type of issue would be best. In addition, I think it is also important that your daughter understands what it means to have a baby EVERYTHING about it. Not to scare her but to help her make an informed decision.

She already feels rejected by this "guy" and may not want to make another "bad" decision by terminating the pregnancy. Having a baby is a great thing however at 14 as you know it will affect her life forever. Maybe you and your wife can have a session with the therapist first to gain some perspective on the situation.

Her having this baby will most likely mean that you and your wife will be parents again. I hope this is somewhat helpful.

[lindyloo]

Hey mate,
Im using my wifes login so thats not my real picture. lol

Looks like your in a right pickle and hopefully things will get sorted. I have no idea what your going through. But I am a cop of 8years and I have 5 kids of my own.

I can imagine how you are feeling as Ive had some dealings with things close to this however no one can actually know what you are going through personally.

Mate all I can say is be there for her. It sounds like that she may just starting to go off the rails a bit so maybe this might be a blessing in disguise.

As much as I know we want our babies to grow up and have a life before they settle down the path they choose is sometimes the path they choose.

You need to sit down with her, one on one and talk. Calmly and no raised voices, just Dad to daughter.

Personally I would tell that she has choices and make it clear to her that this is going to be her decision not anyone elses and she needs to realise that first. She needs to be told her choices and that the guy may not want anything to do with her so its gooing to be all her. And you guys of course.

She needs to know that she is going to be stuck with that baby for the next however many years she is the sole responsibility of that baby. She will need to carry on with schooling, so as she can provide for the baby. She wont be able to go out partying like all her mates. etc...

Just as long as she knows all of that and that Dad will stick by her then she will grow up fine. Trust me. It may just not be the way you want.

As for the Dad. Mate personally I would cut his nuts off but hey your focus is your daughter and going after him may just make it worse so concentrate on her.

However if you manage to get the name of the father then I would go have a quiet word in his ear after the pregnancy and let him know that there are such things as DNA tests so he better step up and help provide or else.

Good luck mate and hope all goes well.

Dan

[MamaK313]

I have a cousin who used this very same story when she got pregnant. Her parents were on the verge of getting into a lot of legal issues with the university she was attending when she came clean about it. I'm probably not much help, but I can totally see where you're wondering about her story.