My Daughter Raped?

[Fajja]

Hello, my name is James. I am desperately in need of someone's help. About a month and a half ago, my 14 year old daughter told us she was raped, shortly followed by a, "I'm pregnant." She has told her aunt, in confidence, that she was sexually active. My wife and I took her to the doctor, there was no physical evidence that she had been raped. Now, she is crying all the time because she is traumatized...but...why wasn't she traumatized when it happened? My wife is so upset with me because I am having my doubts about her story. I haven't said anything to my daughter, but....could it be that she is saying this because she is pregnant? There are just a lot of inconsistencies with her story. She couldn't give me a date...she says she can't remember. She told me she didn't know who it was and that it happened in an alley, but she can't remember what alley. What am I supposed to do with this? I don't want to doubt her, and I hate myself for doing it. And if she was raped, how do I go about catching the son of a *****? I am driving myself up the wall, and back down it. If anyone can help me, I would appreciate it so much.

[cay8099]

http://www.ask.com/bar?q=what+are+th...asurvivor.html

This seems to be a helpful site I found to help. It's not your job to catch the SOB. Even if you are a cop; you would not be permited to work the case becasue of close proximity to the victim. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[brandie1127]

I am sorry you are going through this. My question is what is she doing about the pregnancy that should answer alot. Most rape victims would never consider having the baby. I'm not advicating abortion for you thats between you and your family but rape or not she is 14. I'd take it on her word that she was raped even if you have doubts, ask her how she needs you to help her, file a police report, counceling etc. If she says nothing, then move on to dealing with the fact that shes pregnant and what is going to be done about it no matter how it got there it needs to be handled and if she is sexually active at 14 she could probably benefit from some counceling rape victim or not.

Again my condolences to you and your family.

[domestic-engineer]

your her parent, and no matter what you believe you need to tell her you trust her to tell you the truth no matter what..

tell her you WILL NOT BE MAD if she made it up, you love her no matter what, and she has no reason to be afraid to tell you the truth.. tell her its ok if she was scared into lying..

but remember dont make her think you really believe she is lying.. just let her know whatever the truth is you believe her.. she needs you more than ever

its hard to be pregnant so young

[kare.bear]

I believe it is not considered abnormal for a rape victim to deny the incident in their mind immediately following the incident and then to suddenly have the trauma drop on them later when they are feeling safer in their skins and they are more prepared to handle it emotionally. Immediately following the incident, they shut down their emotions as coping mechanisms and sometimes aren't open to those emotions for months, or even years, later. It is also possible that this was an acquaintance rape and she is ashamed she may have led him on or put herself into the situation and is blaming herself. It is easier to say it was in an alley and she doesn't know who it is than to actually admit she was abused by someone she trusted. No matter the situation, she needs your support and unconditional love. Don't force her to discuss the details with you, she is too close to you... I recommend putting her in touch with a counselor with whom she can talk confidentially without the familial ties that tangle with guilt, anger, distress, etc. She needs a safe place to talk without all those other emotions that are happening (although they are very natural to have in this situation).

[elissamaria]

I'm sorry that your family is going through such a horrible situation. Although kare.bear stated valuable arguments, I'm incline to think that right after such a horrible thing happens to someone you can notice a change in their personality. It could be a very simple thing but something that is not "normal" for that person. Some examples that I've heard are: They start avoiding male contact (including father) or start being promiscuous, dressing more "covering", becoming more introverted. My question is, Did you noticed a change in your daughter's "normal" behavior?

Nevertheless, no matter what the answer is she needs counseling. B/c if she really was rape that is not something that she will get over easily and if she wasn't their is still some issues to be handle b/c lying about something like that is just not a good sign. Also if she wasn't rape, that means she is sexually active at a very early age and that also needs some attention (I mean this with no disrespect, I'm advising you as if it was my daughter).

No matter what happen, she needs your unconditional support. I recommend to tell her that you will support her no matter what and that you think that is in her best interest to see a therapist. In addition to her individual counseling, maybe all of you as a family can have some counseling too, so that you can all deal with this situation as best as you can.

wish you and your family all the strength and wisdom to get over this situation,
Lisa

[Fajja]

I honestly cannot remember a change in her, no moodiness or depression, from what I saw. She says she wants to keep the baby, that she can't commit murder. As her father, I want her to abort. She cannot take care of her cat. I haven't ever told her that I don't believe her, I haven't even insinuated it. I have just spoken to her mother about it. I want to believe her, she is already in counseling. She has been since her uncle committed suicide when she was 12. I don't think her therapist can tell me if she has spoken about this with her.
Thank you for the help you have offered, I am just trying my best to get to the bottom of this.

[RachelGrace33]

well it's really her choice with what she wants to do with the baby, she could put it up for adoption. If she doesn't want to abort the baby, don't pressure her into getting abortion cause that's what you want, nto what she wants.

[Mikey_BKK]

Most rapes are actually done by a person that the rapist knows, which could explain many things. I don’t think that it matters right now to be honest. The only thing that would matter to me is that the girl I love knows that she has my unconditional support whatever happens. She has my unconditional love whatever happens
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Was she raped or not? Is she lying or not? Why wasn’t she crying when it happened? wouldn’t tell me anything that I need to know right now. It would of course be difficult for me to let go but I should.
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James – Your daughter is traumatized. She needs to see her mother and father side by side supporting her every way they can, family or counselling depends less on how close you are and more on trust I think
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Just care for her and all the answers will come one day
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Michael
Father of Idea, the good idea

[amaranta]

hi james. let me start by saying that i am your daughters age. i am 14 years old with a 4 month old daughter. i understand why you are doubting your daughters story. i would too. it does not make no sense. to me it looks like she found out she was pregnant and she was so scared to tell you that she made this huge story up that would make her look innocent. she is traumatized because of the pregnancy. you have to support her and let her know that you cant help her unless you know the truth, dont make her mad or upset. she is going through a lot, support her and gain her trust. and pleasee dont let her get a abortion or adoption. if she really wants to she can do it! being a mother is not about age. its about your state of mind and how u handle and how u make decisions. its about knowing that u have a great responsibility in your hands and making a promise that the baby and school will always come first.