my husband and i recently got married (after we found out i was pregnant) were young hes 23 and im 20. all he ever talks about is going out and drinking and thats what he does when he has a night off. hes not an alcoholic or anything but he is 23 its what "normal" 23 year olds do. i want to spend more time with him as a family. sometimes i come off too harsh and we fight about it and its stressing us both out. does anyone have any suggestions about how to bring this discussion up without sounding controlling.
Last edited by haleymom07; 03-31-2008 at 10:00 PM.
I am 26 and my boyfriend is 23 and he drinks (I think) a lot, he doesn't think it is that much. I think it is just their age. I just ask for it to be only on weekends and maybe once during the week, we get in arguments about it too. Good luck on working it out.
I don't know how it works where you guys are from, but here in the midwest, it seems that teenagers start drinking illegally younger and younger. My point being, by the time you're 23, shouldn't the every weekend/every night thing be out of your system? That's what drives me nuts.
were from mo and i know he started drinking at around 15. im writing this as hes passed out from getting drunk at the cardinals game(that got rained out at 6 but he still didnt get home til 10) its just ffrustrating he wants to have his time but if i want alone time im selfish.
Sounds to me that you guys need to sit down and figure out what is going to happen when your baby is born. Sounds like he needs to get his priorites straight. You can't have him drunk and passed out when he is with your child. I understand that he is young and maybe still wants to do the whole "partying" thing, but obviously things turned out different so you guys need to adjust your lifestyle since you have a baby on the way. If that is something he doesn't want to do then you need to reconsider your marriage. I am sorry to sound harsh but your baby will depend on you guys and he needs to be dependable, can't really do that when your passed out & drunk. What are your feelings? I am assuming this is not what you had planned out. Did he drink like this prior to finding out your are pregnant? I really wish you the best and hope you can get this worked out. Congrats on the baby!!!
Just to add a little to Mommy2Be -- You also should consider that if he is coming home to pass out after drinking, do you want your kid(s) to see that? My parents would go out, and I know they would drink, but we never saw them drunk off their ass. While growing up my dad would come home from work and have a beer, never more than 2. You guys as parents need to show collectively what being a responsible drinker is. Some people would go further and say don't drink in front of your children at all. Well, it's like anything else you teach your kids: be responsible and do it in moderation.
I agree 100%. My parents were young parents. My Dad would drink a lot when I was little. It didn't matter where. There was NEVER a family gathering that didn't involve some form of alcohol. My son is my first priority over myself and my husband. Haleymom07, please don't put your feelings on the back burner. This is your child also. You are the child's voice for now. If you have a problem with your husband's drinking, speak up. Your child is one who will remember this in the end.
Last edited by MomofBrendy; 05-14-2008 at 06:53 AM.
I agree with Mommy2Be and MomofBrendy. My husband is also 23 and I am 20, our baby is 5 months old. We got married when I was 18 and he was 20, and we didn't really plan to have a baby anytime soon so it was a shocker to us both. Although neither one of us drink we are still very young and it is a complete adjustment when you become a parent. I think you guys should try to go out together instead of him going out alone so maybe he can refrain from the drinking and you should sit down and really discuss how you feel without offending each other. You are the voice for your child and he needs to realize that he is going to be a father. He maybe drinking because of the stress of having a child?? or maybe an underlying issue? Try to talk it out and spend some time together and just talk about your priorities together. And try to say that parenting is sacrifice, you being pregnant had to give up a lot, and the focus goes on the baby...he has to do the same. I hope you both see eye to eye on things and everything works out.
My guess is he does have a drinking problem...
Al Anon is a great group for you to check into, it helps the family of alcoholics deal with the disease and their emotions
Take it from a child of an alcoholic....you need to do something now, you do not want your child growing up in an environment where alcohol takes precedence.
Time for your hubby to grow up, he's had 2 years of going to the bar and partying. Now it's time to put his family first and be responsible. If he needs help and is willing to get it, support him, it won't be easy, but your and your baby's future is at stake here. If he will not get help, decide now whether you can be in that situation. If not, it might be best to get out before it gets worse.
im 25 and my baby's daddy is 26. our 1st together (he has one previous6 year old) was born feb 2nd 2007 he is 13 months now. we agreed when i got pregnant with him that he would not drink around our son. that didnt last but 1 or 2 weeks then it was back up to 3-6 cans/bottles a day. im pregnant again and am 5 months along and im no longer with him. he ended up getting high blood pressure and high liver enzymes. doc told him to not drink for 6 months b/c one drink could shut his liver down and he would die a slow and painful death but that didnt even seem to stop him. since The day i left (3 weeks ago) he has yet to have one day without a beer. i gave up after 5 stressful years.