Help Me Please I Am Overwhelmed!

[nursegina]

Okay I am at the point where I know I need some help here. I have a 3 week old son and a 2 1/2 year old son. I have been on Maternity leave for 7 weeks now and I am going crazy! I am a crazy mad woman who is constantly cleaning something, doing dishes, folding laundry, etc. and then there is the constant noise of trucks baning together and a toddler who is whining because he's very bored and tired of being with his mom. He really needs a playdate! I have a baby who is like any other baby and needs lots of attention. I am just overwhelmed. I can't seem to let the house go at all yet it makes me upset when I am constantly cleaning, etc. I feel like I have no time to relax and when I do I feel guilty because my older son wants me to play with him and I am just putting the baby in the swing instead of rocking him. It's all getting me really upset and I feel like I am taking it out on my older son by being too hard on him. I just have a short fuse and he's at that age where he doesn't listen to me at all. I had a csection three weeks ago and I haven't done the relaxing I was supposed to in order to recover at all and I am feeling it. My body hurts, I am exhausted, and my mind is over worked and overstimulated. I really need some advice on calming myself down. I need to do this so I can be a good mother to my kids. Before anyone suggests it- my husband is no help! Because he works full time he thinks when he's off work he should get total relaxation. I hate it because when I go back to work full time as a nurse in 3 weeks I will be doing all this plus working full time. I am resenting him and I am very upset. Someone please help!

[haleymom07]

if i were you i would make a supply kit for your husband with bottles, formula, diapers, wipes etc. then i would tell him exactly how you are feeling tell him he needs to help you then go out for a couple of hours. even if it is only to walk around a store or something just a few hours away would help. i know you said not to suggest the husband thing but you guys are supposed to be a team and it sounds like hes not doing his share. good luck.

[crazymama]

First and foremost, congrats on the baby. He's a blessing, and eventually you'll feel that. I hate being one to comment on somone else's marrige, but I think you need to do 2 things. First, lay down the law with hubby. You have a 24/7 job, and you recently underwent major surgery. You need some time to recover. He needs to be a man and pitch in. Second, ask for help. Ask a friend, family member, in law, neghibor, whomever. Just ask.

I can totally relate to your inability to relax in a messy house. Just know it will get better. If you can, consider hiring a cleaning person. And take an afternoon for yourself and go to the spa or something. If your husband is man enough to father 2 children, he's man enough to watch them for a few hours while you rest. Good luck!

[mamaof3]

There is a poem that I have always loved. "Cleaning and dusting can wait til tomorrow. Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babys don't keep." I quoted it as close as I can remember. Anyway, one thing that I have learned is that if I give my son who is 3 some time with me even if it is 15 minutes that he is able to play better on his own after that. Whether it be me playing trucks or legos. You might try one of those baby slings or baby carriers so that way you can hold your baby and put clothes away or what ever it is that needs done. I don't know how some people can keep their houses spotless with kids. I know that I sure can't. I try to get done what absolutly needs done. Such as washing and drying the laundry. But somedays it isn't gonna get folded and put away. Even if I have to stack everything in my bedroom and let it turn into a mess I feel better if my kitchen and living room are picked up. Also another thing that I think really helps is getting out of the house!!! The fresh air is good for your son whether you go on a walk or let him run around in the back yard. It's a good way for him to burn off energy! Somedays when nothing seems to help I have to go lay my 7 month old baby in her crib and put on a show for my son and go in the other room and just take deep breaths, sometimes cry and then I gather myself up and keep going! I know its hard but you'll get through it and things will get easier! This is also a fun website to vent! Good luck!

[nursegina]

It took us a very long time to have our second child so I know he is a blessing just as my older son is. I feel guilty that I am not a better mother to them.

[Mommy2Be!]

Nursegina~ You are AMAZING!! Sounds like you have your hands really full right now and I can see where you are getting way overwhelmed. I have not been in your situation, YET....but I would definetely tell your husband you need help. I know he works and I know your job away from home is also a very demanding job. Somewhere down the line you just need HELP from either him or family. Like others said, I would try getting out of the house and getting some fresh air. Do you have any friends with kids so maybe you can arrange a play date for your older son? Or what about a friend that could come over and entertain your older son for a while? How does your oldest do in a stroller? Maybe you can take them for a walk down the road or atleast change the scenery. That would help you to recoop as well. I wish I could give you more advise. Hope everything works out for you.