Husband has little intrest in sex!

[mamaof3]

I feel like the only woman with this problem! My sex drive is ALOT stronger than my husbands! It is usually the only thing that we fight about. We have been married for almost 7 years. When we were dating things were great and we were both on the same track, so to speak. But about 2 weeks into our marriage, it just seemed to change for him. He has no reason why, except that he is tired or isn't in the mood. I am completely baffled even after all this time. All his friends tell him how lucky he is that his wife wants to. I know that its frustrating for him because it bothers me sooo much. If I try to get him in the mood and he brushes me off I feel really hurt so then he will say ok come here. But by that time I'm like no I don't want pitty sex! I know he's not gay, I have access to his email, he doesn't have time to have an affair and it's a very small town so if anybody does anything the whole town knows. I am the same size as I was when we met. I figure since he married me he must atleast be a little attracted to me. We had sex before we got married so he knew what was in store. I feel like I know how most married men feel. And it really sucks. I have commited to be faithful and only have sex with my husband, but when the one person you can have sex with isn't all that intrestested it really sucks! I can't imagine fighting this issue for the next 60 years. We usually have sex once a week which isn't bad it's just I don't always want to be the one asking. I've tried waiting for him, but then I think we'd never have sex! I don't know what else to do. Thanks for listening to me vent! Like I said I'm probably the only woman in the universe with this problem! LOL

[AgonyAunt]

I went through this with my husband. We had a very active sex life before we got married, then once we were married he seemed to loose interest, it happened again more so when we had children.
My husband and I eventually had some marriage councilling, and the botton line was he stopped thinking of me as his 'girlfriend and lover' and starting thinking of me as "wife" which he though was less attractive! then "Mother".
We had to take a step back, we made a no sex rule (what you can't have you want more of!) and started dating again, and rediscovering each other. It worked wounders.
There is hope. Good luck

[mamaof3]

Thank You AgonyAunt! I think we will start trying to have date nights. With 3 kids I think its just not as exciting for him because there is little time to be spontanous. It's kind of like ok the kids are asleep so if were ever going to it has to be now. Which I totally understand is not the most exciting! Thanks for giving me hope!

[mominthecity]

I understand since have been expecting my better half thinks my vagina is to wet and does not like having sex. We only have sex about once a month. I spend more time pleasing myself than we spend pleasing each other. Any advice.

[Amber987]

I have this some issued with my fiancee'. But we've only been together for 3 years. I know he works a lot and he works long hours and we just bought a house so he is always working on the house but there are times we go almost 2 weeks without having sex. And I always always start it. Like you said I try to get him to make the first move but than I know I wont be having sex. Its soooo frustrating. I get so mad and I go to bed angry. And I know they say that you shouldnt go to bed mad but there are times when I go to bed so mad it isnt funny. I dont even want to touch him. I move all the way to the other side of the bed. But than I feel bad because I know he is tired but I just want him to have time for me too. But I just wanted you to know that you arent the only women in the world with this problem. Thanks for letting me vent too.

[okasachan]

augh... i think maybe it's a pre-midlife crisis thing. it happened to me too. i haven't had sex in 6 months. i think i forgot how to do it.

while i was pregnant with my third child, my fiance and i had to stop having sex. if we did, for the whole next day it felt like someone took a chainsaw to my crotch and periodically threw coarse sea salt in it. so we quit then. of course he still got some perks (you know what i'm talking about) though i never ever received those perks--there's some sort of bad repertoire if you pleasure a woman even if no one ever knows APPARENTLY... still sore about that.

anyway, after the birth we had to wait the obligatory six weeks, then i was supposed to get a tubal ligation but my doctor sold me on the mirena IUD because he said he could do it quicker than the surgery... three weeks later they finally get me in there to put it in. i played hard to get to see if he would actually make the first move (which he hadn't in like 2 years, almost three years since i've been on the bottom, yeah that helps for self-esteem) but ended up not having sex and me getting more and more steamed. then he got arrested (past child support). two weeks till he gets out (though it's still indefinite because they jerk you around as if you're not human in prison) but then he'll be living in somebody's shed because he's not allowed to come back to my parents' house (where the rest of us are stranded) PLUS this STUPID IUD is making me bleed heavy flow--it's been three weeks i'm just passing clot after clot (no my doctor doesn't care, he told me i'd have irregular periods so i should hush up--he's a quack anyway and i have no insurance anymore) so i don't even want to put him through disgusting bloody sex with ugly ol' me.

needless to say, i'm pretty damn gripey about it. to deal with it, i consider myself celibate and i'm well into grieving for my sex life. dealing with the death of a part of my life. coming to terms with the inevitable "motherhood" season and gearing up for crone-dom. i'm TWENTY-FREAKING-FIVE. *deep breath* obviously it still hurts... i'm confused about the whole thing because i keep telling myself that it will happen one day (even though it will be ridiculously unfulfilling... those days are just gone) because i told myself i WILL NOT get fat from having three kids and i'm not, and i tell myself i WILL NOT surrender to a gaggle of other hazards i face and i haven't... so i feel i can will it to happen but i'm not expecting anything. willing my boobs to stay big didn't work lol.

i think i'll have a secret ceremonial funeral or something for sex. it should help ease the pain. but really i think it's unhealthy and i have to keep trying new things.

[Disco Lemonade]

God this is happening to me too...its good to see im not the only one. I was starting to wonder and not going to lie, many times I felt like I was being cheated on. It is something very sad to feel that you are unattractive to your husband..i hate it. I am 22yrs old but my husband is turning 30 this month...his always tired and im always in the mood but we end up having sex like...once or twice a month if im lucky...I dont know...sometimes I feel like im making him do something he doesnt want to do...Im tired of being the one to start everything it gets very annoying..I already told him this might cause problems in our marriage

[bvas81]

oh my gawd....
i guess i always knew i wasn't the only one who has felt the same way.. but now it's more apparent on how i am not alone..

[Disco Lemonade]

hey bvas were on the same boat here...the same thing happens to me I start saying to myself "I have all these guys in line willing to do anything for me and all I want is something from this guy thats not giving anything to me" somethimes I get tempted..its not easy when guys tell you they dont care if your married or have kids there willing to do anything for you..I know I will never cheat on my husband because I love him too much but just the fact that these thoughts run through my head is not kewl..your not alone its only natural I guess.. but obviously we need to work something out with our husbands..keep me posted on how things go

[bvas81]

obviously is right!! lol! just like you i get tempted, but I know I wouldn't do it. It is hard to say no, when secretly I really want to say yes though. And it is strange, yet relieving on a level that I can say that here..lol!