More Male Bashing - Mad at Dad

[georgemax]

I'm a dad who subscribes to Parenting Magazine. I'm seriously considering canceling at this point. When I received my February copy and read the article "Mad at Dad," I disappointed with not just the content but more importantly with the pictures.

Skewed content: "31% of moms say their husbands don't help with the chores." So why didn't they say 69% of moms say their husbands do help with the chores?

"33% of moms say their husbands aren't shouldering equal responsibility." So that means that 67% of husbands are!

Graphics in the article:
There's a picture of a smiling dad on a dart board. After several “misses” (holes in the picture) the final shot lands right in the middle of his forehead. The picture in the magazine was so big it covered not just one page, it overflowed onto the second. Other photos in the magazine article included:
Husband and wife on a boat with devil horns, beard and tail sketched over the man.
Voodoo doll with pins stuck all over including one stuck in his juggler, another stuck in his forehead, one in the groin area, another in his heart, etc.

Do we need this kind of depiction of men like this?

[Daddy_Gator]

OH, georgemax, that's the article that brought me here. At first, I was mad. Now I just read the forums as a joke. It makes me realize how great my wife is and appreciate her even more then I did before.

This whole site is one big man-bashing pit. The magazine just reinforces it. I've jumped around to different stories and within the first paragraph, you'll find that every article is directed to moms (only), but I guess it's ok if you read it to as a dad to figure out what you do wrong. Read some of the forums and it's just so sad. Thread after thread is started about how life isn't fair because men do nothing. The pull quotes on the home page are always a "I wish my husband did..." message. It would be funny if it didn't completely undermine all of the men who take active roles in their children's lives, and reinforce exactly what some women think of men. The magazine basically tells all of the mothers that men don't do enough, while completely cutting out the father's role out as a parent.

[APEMBERTON]

I am sorry you all feel that we(woman) are all man haters.lol!!! Just like you hate that Mad at Dad Article, because not all of you are like that ...all woman are not man haters! Alot of women on here do appreciate their husbands, fiances, etc!!! I , for one, do not feel like my fiance is horrible & don't help at all!! I am VERY appreciative for all he does!!! I know it seems like there are alot of threads on here "bashing" men, but you have to remember it is a place for people to vent & some men..(like some woman)...are not great father's!!

[supermomwannabe]

I just wanted to say that reading this article made me appreciate my husband soooo much more and it helped me to realize how much he really does do for me that I don't give him enough credit for. I can't imagine having a husband who is as horrible as they are made out to be in this article. Parenting should put out an article about all the GOOD Dad's out there. Especially since they are, according to Parenting's own statistics, the majority.

Thank You to ALL of you great Dad's out there!

[atippit]

i personally didn't even read the article hah. i love my husband, he was going to come on the forums to talk to other dad's but experienced pretty much the same thing and said f*** that but he listens to me when i tell him stories i've read on here.

[RMMom]

I tend to shy away from the intense threads but I felt that a few points needed to be made about the “Mad at Dad” article that many fathers are upset about. Bear with me for a moment. Many of the dads have reiterated on several threads how insulting this article was to fathers all over. Like any article that makes generalizations, I can see your point. You obviously are very involved in your children’s lives and for something to demean that devotion is offensive. However, there are a few points that keep coming up in my mind that I feel are overlooked. First point deals with the Parenting magazine in general and who reads the magazine. The truth of the matter is that the majority of the readers are most likely female. The magazine says Parenting on it, but my guess is mothers and mothers-to-be are the ones reading it. Like every business out there, they are going to continue to put forth information that relates to the majority of the readers. I don’t think this is meant to be insulting – I think like everyone right now, they are just trying to get through and that means they have to put out material that will relate to the most readers, which are women. And no, I don’t work for Parenting. I do work for a ready-mix concrete company though. When I had my daughter, I decided to breastfeed. That meant I got to pump in a file room with a bunch of cabinets, or if I was at the plant, in a 4 by 6 ft. bathroom with a bunch of drivers right outside the bathroom door discussing last night’s game. Intimidating? Yes. And I could have gone to the home office and complained and made a big deal about it. But the truth of the matter is I work in an industry that is 85 – 90% male - pumping is not high up on their agenda. They’re not trying to be offensive, they just don’t focus on these issues because most of the employees are male. I still did what I had to do for my daughter – may not have been in a fancy room dedicated to mother’s, but I was able to take care of it. Similarly, I don’t think Parenting is deliberately trying to insult you as devoted fathers – they are just taking information that relates to some of the people who read their magazine. I know that when I saw that article (and probably other moms as well), I understood that it was only referring to SOME fathers, not all of them. Second point deals with the differences between men and women. I’m definitely not an expert but I studied communication in college – best course I took was called “Gender Differences in Communication”. Men communicate in terms of hierarchy and problem solving – women communicate in terms of relationships. Most simplistic example I can think of – husband and wife have a couch that’s old and needs to be replaced. Husband goes out and buys a couch – problem solved. Women’s response – why did you buy that couch without me? Granted, this is a very simplistic example but the important point is that neither party is wrong, just different. Most women tend to communicate by discussing situations or problems and relating to them. If I’m angry at someone at work and I go to one of the salesmen and starting telling them how insulted I am and that this person was disrespectful, most of them would feel very uncomfortable. If I go to them and tell them I have a problem, they jump right on board. I think the majority of the women on these threads who “man bash” just need to vent to someone who can relate. Similarly, many of the father’s on these threads are looking for solutions to specific problems. That article was someone venting. Could it have been written with solutions to these problems – yes it could have. But since the majority of the readers are probably women and since the majority of women communicate in terms of relationships, “solutions” aren’t really the point. Lastly, I’ve seen several fathers write and respond to several threads on this website. Those who do are obviously very involved dads – you make a point to seek out information that benefits your family. I think it’s somewhat depressing that in this day and age there isn’t more information geared toward fathers. My husband is a stay-at-home dad and he is in the same boat you’re in – trying to find information on parenting and finding it’s mostly geared toward women. However, we both feel that someday those gender lines won’t be so defined. Until then, take solace in the fact that you are doing a great job and that someday your children will recognize that fact. Don’t let one article (which only represents a few fathers) overshadow the point of coming to these sites – to obtain information that helps you become better parents. Hope that I didn’t offend – just bringing up some different perspectives.
IrishMom27 - I didn't ignore you. My daughter was up way early at 5:00 AM this morning. And similar to everytime she does this, my husband took her into the living room so that I could get a few more minutes sleep before work. He's my sanity.

[Abeldad]

I read Parenting occassionally. Sitting with my wife in the waiting room, we look at it together. I never really had a chance to look heavily at it until last week. I was sitting with my 3month old son waiting for my wife as she got a blood test for work. And I got very angry as I read the magazine.

"Parenting?" "PARENTING?" What a joke. Parenting - to me - is a team effort between mom and dad. Some families, this may be different, times have changed to be far more open, but most families involve a child that needs a strong male and female role model. Mom and Dad.

If this mag was called "Mothering" or "Momming," I don't think I would care as much. But picking it up and reading articles targeted solely at Mom infuriates me. Dad's take a large role in the rearing of baby. Some of us stay at home while Mom works. We do laundry, we wash dishes, we make dinnner. We are a partner in the raising of the child with mom.

This magazine seems to want to reinforce the stereotype of the bread-winning dad and stay at home mom. Perhaps they should look at the calendar - it's not 1950 anymore. Times have changed - for the better.

Don't call your magazine "Parenting" when your few deferences to Dad are to make him seem like some dunderhead with trouble changing diapers. Don't call your website "Parenting" when zero of your blogs are written by men, barely any of your articles are either, and you don't even have a "Dad" tab at the top.

[daddy_in_nyc]

I read this article and simply became more discouraged and depressed about having a second child.

My wife constantly reads the web, and articles like this DO NOT HELP. They are not only false stereotypes, but do not reflect my particular case.

I leave last and come in first EVERY DAY. have resigned to play second fiddle (even with a CEO opportunity) in the economics to be with my son. Don't watch sports, don't go out with male (or any) friends. Participate in every activity, and still the "mad at dad" syndrome persists. I know every playdate partner my son has, and their parents names.

I also agree about the consistent "glass-half-empty" point of view. Seems like no matter what dad does, it is always wrong and criticized, so many dads would (with some reason) say, "why the heck bother".

What I find terrible is the bullseye image. Why not put our face on a deer and have a shogun hole instead, do the job right. This is a PARENTING magazine, not Cosmopolitan (a true men-bashing magazine). How about showing that picture to my son and explaining what it means?

Ladies: Please show some appreciation for hubby. Even the toughest hombre needs a bit o' lovin. Do that, and I GUARANTEE YOU it will help the family as a whole, and help us become better dads.

[daddy_in_nyc]

Here Here. And why is the default avatar a WOMAN? Why not a mom and dad and kid avatar?

[4ofus&nomore]

daddy_in_nyc you are right. When you said explain to my son, it really hit home to me. I have one of each and my husband works 12-14 hrs a day 5-6 days a week when he is even in town and not on a business trip. He is extremely hands on and knows everything about each child as much as I do and I am sahm. I feel like if we want our boys to grow up to be "good Daddies" then show something that we can show them not more "Daddy Bashing". I understand tere are some jerks out there but I have to say there are way more Good Dads, lets see some articles with some positive images in them. I am also tired of all of these pics.articles in all mags/shows that act like dads dont know how to bath change a diaper ect. My husband new as much as I did and we figured things out together.