ok. so I had a baby at the end of Oct. I was scheduled for an induction but ended up in the hospital 3 hours early b/c my water broke. My husband and I had discussed who would be in the room during labor and delivery. He was completely supportive of it just being him and me. That being said, the nursing staff had told us that we were allowed to have only a 2 other people in the room (moms if we wanted). It was a good thing that it was only him and I. There ended up being 6 nurses and the Dr. in there. There wasn't much room left. If the observers were becoming a bad distraction we could have the code word and the nurses would shoo them out. As for visitors after the nurses wouldn't allow anyone in until I felt up to it. And they would come down and let us know was there. If we didn't want to see them they would just let them know we weren't up for visitors yet. This maybe b/c I had my son in a small hospital. (only 4 rooms for L/D) You stayed in the same room the whole time. Unless you ended up with a c-section.
I guess I'm suggesting talk to the nursing staff and do a visit of the birthing center/hospital and see what they suggest and allow.
Last edited by wings76; 02-17-2009 at 05:32 PM. Reason: added
I totally understand, and yes, you do have every right to have a quiet, private birth. I will never forget my mom showing up, uninvited, while I was in labor with my first. We had called the moms to say that we were going in to the hospital (midnight) and she showed up in my room at 7 in the morning, followed shortly by my MIL. I was so upset because we had said that we would call them. I was even more upset when I found out that they stood outside with their ears to the door while I was delivering. It was really frustrating. Fortunately, for number two and three, my parents were watching the oldest boys and they all were not called otherwise until after delivery. Long story short, I definitely recommend deciding on a plan ahead of time. Decide if and who you want around and when. Also, I only had a few visitors at the hospital and right after I went home. I know that everyone wanted to meet them, but I was not in the mood to entertain. They'll get their time later. You and DH and baby are most important.
It's so nice to know that I am not the only woman who feels this way! I mean, I knew that I couldn't be!
I love this forum!
I didn't read all the other posts, so if this is repetitive, I'm sorry YOU get to decide who is there in the room with you and who isn't. Labor and delivery nurses should help you keep unwanted visitors out. I would emphasize to your fiance that it is really important to YOU (who is actually giving birth!!) that you have your privacy respected during this very precious moment in your lives. I can understand his desire to have the support of his family (and that he's excited to show off your child), but again, you aren't going to have the best birth possible for yourself if you're worried about the onslaught of in-laws that will be coming in the room before you've even delivered the placenta... Besides, his whole job is to make sure YOU are taken care of and comfortable. I would also put it out there that it's really important that you take a couple of hours after the baby is born to bond appropriately (like if you're trying to establish an immediate breastfeeding relationship) and that will be hard to do with family interupting every few minutes. I hope your husband comes around, but if he doesn't, let the nurses know how you feel so they can shoo everyone out and away for you.
I am having this same problem but not with my husband, with my MIL(mother-in-law). she doesn't understand why I don't want my whole family there when the baby is born. I do want them there, just not in the room. It is a special time for just me and my husband. All I would say is, explain what this means to your fiance. Everyone that has posted has good ideas. I hope it works out.
just ask him how he'd feel if he were in the hospital to pass kidney stones and everyone was looking at his penis excitedly urging him on and then tell him it's okay if he's all exposed cause it's family! and once he's passed them you'll invite all the extended family to come and praise him for it! then make him watch a bunch of birthing dvd's.
that's what i would do
I agree. We made it clear that everyone would be called after we had time to bond with the new baby. I was induced then had to have an emergency C-section that no one knew about because everyone was still at work. My dad stopped by after work to see if DH needed anything and he got to see my son in the nursery before I did. I told the nurse to make it VERY clear that if anyone except the nurses or DH held the baby before me there would be serious consequences. The poor nurse thought it was so great that my dad was there and she was all excited, she didn't really understand why I was upset, but she made it clear that he wasn't to hold the baby before me. The staff will stand up for you, all you have to do is ask.
Some people like to have the whole fricking family in the delivery room, but I still think the Mom should have the final say. Mom is the one laying on the table doing all the work, she should be catered too.
So nice to hear all of these replies! I'm due in May with my first, and my husband thought I was so weird when I told him that I only wanted him in the delivery room. I told him my preference would be that he wouldn't even call any of our family until after I have the baby, I'd much prefer they didn't come to the hospital. He says his family will be really offended by this (I know mine won't be), but I don't care, I'm the one giving birth, so I think this is one time when I get to have my own way!