Oh and about the markers on the rug......It is not about the rug. It is about irresponsibility. Most of you interpreted that as "I am a perfect mom and my perfect little children drew perfectly all over my perfect little rug........"
Here is what I heard: "I can watch my children 100 times more than my hubby and get thru a solid week of no major disasters. My husband watches them once and bam! Ruined."
Materialistic? Maybe. Respectful? Yes. I would not like to defile the things in our house that my husband's hard earned money has bought.
I see what you are saying, but what I "heard" in the article and your post was that 100 times without incident for moms = 1 time with tragedy for dads. It's not about the markers on the rug for the guys, either. It's about the other 99 times that a father watched his children without incident that are forgotten. But what was remembered, by the author, the contributors, and your post was the one time that went "Bam!" And it's about the time that mom had the kid and something bad happened, that is never spoken of again.
The problem that I have with this article is that it does not set parents up to co-parent. It does not search for equal ground. It reinforces the idea of mom as "supermom" and dad as the hopeless other. The author references that women didn't sign up to live in a sitcom with a lazy, hapless incompetant. But the foil in those sitcoms is always the joyless, nagging harpy. The article reinforces every gender stereotype, on both sides. It's a *****-fest that would have really benefitted with talking to couples that make it work.
From looking at other boards on this site, and from experiencing life, I know that moms don't always have everything together. And that's ok. They seek advice, try to do things better and try the best that they can. And a lot of fathers do the same. I guess I just have it lucky. My wife and I respect each other and how we parent. We both take care of a lot of things with the children, house and work. And we both communicate to each other if we feel underappreciated or overworked. I never thought that this was a hard thing to do, but after seeing a lot of anger that has spilled from the article on to the boards, I guess it is.
My anger lies in being automatically lumped into a group of "lazy dads" and having to prove my worth as a parent every day to strangers. Because it's far easier to subscribe to that sit-com mentality, until it becomes true.
I am really happy for you and your wife. My husband and I are leaning more towards happier parenting.
I understand what you are saying. That the dad needs to be appreciated more for all the times he DOES watch the child with no mishaps. The success of NO disasters should overshadow the goof-ups. Perhaps the "rug father" hardly ever watches his kids at all and when he finally does, it is the mother who has to clean up......which is usually the case. That is what I meant by irresponsible.
The dads in this forum seem to have it all together. They are "doers" for their kids and this I commend. But there is a lack of acknowlegement from the dads in this forum about the fact of being dead beats out there. Just go to the court house and look up fathers who have not paid their child support! I hear most of the dads saying..."these woman are perfectionists.....or they should communicate to the dads....and so on. TOTAL LACK OF ACKNOWLEGMENT. I do, however one post saying something like..."Husbabnds: if your wife is mad...then get a clue! Get off your butts (or something like that.)."
It is just funny to me that when PARENTS have problems....it is up to the mom to communicate.