I'm pregnant with my third child, and I have this feeling that even after this one's born, I would still like to have another one. My husband (an only child) said he was good with the first one. He doesn't resent us having more kids or anything--I don't think! But I really don't know that he would want a fourth. So my question is, How do you know when you're done having children?
I had the same question literally and I asked anyone and everyone I knew (dozens of people) - even men. All of them said you will know deep down inside that you are done. Like you know when you are in love and when you found your soul mate - you will know. I am relying on that since I am on my second child now. My daughter is 10 years old and my husband (not her dad) and I had trouble conceiving (had to do IVF). So many people told me - well be happy you have your daughter (and my hubby has two teenage girls). But I still felt like I wanted more. I always wanted two kids but wondered why I still felt like I needed another baby when all the roads to conception seemed blocked or too difficult. Finally with my husbands support we did IVF and luckly conceived the first try. Now granted I have a tough pregnancy (my daughter was easy) - I think to myself jokingly 'why did I want to do this again'?? However my main concern is will I still want more after this baby since this pregnancy is so tough. I don't know that I can have another since IVF is expensive and I am not getting any younger. I want to know I am done because I am personally done not because of any other influences like money, IVF, age. All of the people I asked who said no more kids - said they knew it deep inside for one reason or antoher. Like some said they knew no more diapers, no more middle of the nights, or they just didnt want the baby thing again. Some who would but are not going to have anymore kids say they still would have more but didn't because of money or age or ran out of room in the house (like my mother in law and siter in law). Most men say they would have more but the wife is done - easy for men to say! I am just waiting for that inner voice to tell me. I wonder why I do want more when my daughter drives me up the wall but my gut says I am not done. Hope this helps!!
That's what most people have said to me, too, You just know. But I was talking to my friend yesterday and I posed the question: Why do I want more children? It's certainly not a need-thing. I have 2 healthy boys, and a presumably healthy one on the way. Even if it's a girl(which I really would like), why do I think I have to have more? Isn't it kind of irresponsible to keep having kids when the country/world is in the state it's in? I should feel lucky to have the children I've got, and that we can "afford" them. There are so many poor children who don't have families, or homes. . . . Just rambling, I guess.
I am also pergnant with my 3rd and I am thinking of getting a tubal ligation( tubes tied). I have been questioning it, since I am still young. I am afraid I will later regret not having a 4th. I have convinced myslef to get my tubes tied due to financial reasons, in order to pursue my career, and to be able to provided more for my children I have now. I have a big family, so I also wanted a big family, but like you said if I change my mind, I can always adpot a child.
I'm pregnant with my second and I think this may be my last pregnancy. I am a firm believer in "quality over quantity". I feel with 2 children, I can still provide lots of quality time with them, but with more than that, I would feel like my time is spread out too much as well as resources. I've know a few families with many children and it turned out that the children do not always end up with solid moral and family values as adults, possibly because their parents were too thinned out with dividing their time and resources among all of them when they were kids. I have also considered just having 1 child, but in the end, I feel giving my child the chance to have a sibling and possibly a best friend to grow up with is a very positive experience.
Personally we were done after our second. Two life threatening pregnancies is enough, thanks. With our first I had pre-eclampsia as well as kidney problems with our second my kidneys tried to shut down. So for us it's a no-brainer, two is enough. Outside of medical problems and things of that nature, I think that when you can look at your family as a whole unit and say "we are complete" then you are done, that and when you can look at your youngest and you start counting the days until they are 18 and out of the house and you and dh finally have the house to yourselves then you are done.