Not sure if I should say something

[jessb6815]

My neighbor and I are really good friends. Our kids are close in ages and we share the same babysitter for weekday afternoons. She and her kids were in Florida visiting her parents for the first half of last week, her husband stayed behind for work.

I was in the kitchen preparing dinner on New Year's Eve when I saw the babysitter pull into their driveway around 6; I didn't really think anything of it at first and didn't look again the rest of the night. I'm generally an early riser and I saw her car was still in their driveway the next morning around 7, this is when I started to get suspicious. I went about my errands, when I looked again around 8...her car was gone.

I told my husband what I saw and he also thinks something might be going on. He said the next time he has a chance to chat with the neighbor, he would try to bring it up; they're decent enough friends. I just don't know if I should say something to my neighbor or wait until my husband gets proof. I certainly don't want this woman as a babysitter if she is sleeping with the neighbor's husband.

[candlelove]

You are suspicious but you don't know that she spent the night. Do all signs look like that? yes. You should wait for more information. If you really feel you should say something, make sure you understand the potential impact you can have on someone else's
relationship if you are wrong.

[CCTO]

On New Year's Eve, surely the obvious thing is that he made plans to go out with friends and arranged with her to stay over with the kids. Or, does he have a job that might require him to be on call? Anyone from a helpdesk guy to a brain surgeon could volunteer for the New Year's Eve schedule if their wife was going to be out of town.

Find a moment to innocently ask the babysitter if she'd consider staying over some night if you and your husband wanted a night out. My guess is she'll say yeah, I did that for the neighbour New Year's Eve. If she gets all guarded and says no, I never do that, then I'd say some more digging is appropriate.

Equally you could try to bring up with the neighbour what he did on New Year's Eve. If he says he had a quiet night in and went to bed by 10:00, well...

CC Toronto

[vicky.j]

Wow this is a tough one; I would definitely wait until you have more evidence before telling your friend. If you're wrong it could absolutely destroy a healthy relationship.

[laresa]

Wait. As you say this happened at New Years Eve chances are they had a small party (not the naughty one). They might be good friends or just two people who wanted to party (again not in the naughty way) on New Years Eve and not be alone.

On the other hand they might be doing something they shouldn't.

You can also ask her what she did that day. There's nothing wrong with asking her. .

As for telling or not telling your neighbour in the future. This is a tough one. I know I would want to know but also have friends who said they wouldn't want to know. You will have to decide but tread carefully. As candlelove said, you being right or wrong will have the effect on their relationship.