I may sound desperate, because well... i am. I have created a very complex problem and have absolutely no idea how to fix things now. I could really use the advice of other moms/wives/grandmas/husbands whoEVER feels the need to reply because the more opinions the better-- here's the background...

about 6 years ago I met the love of my life... about 4 months after meeting we found out i was pregnant with our first child... 9 months later a healthy baby boy -- so that's the easy part. the thing that makes this difficult is that my husband was born and raised as a South African citizen and when we got married we had to go through all kinds of legal stuff just to keep my husband from getting deported (the mere fact that we had a child together apparently wasnt enough to convince American officials that we werent trying to trick them with a "fake marriage" and whatever) So we went through all that and FINALLY my husband got his greencard.. Things were going OK for about a year then our marriage hit a rough spot - we were BOTH drinking and i was working nights then i would come home and he would take the car and work during the day-- so there really wasnt a marriage left at this point but we both wanted to stick it out and try and make it work for our son - well right around christmas when my son was 1 my husband told me he wanted to go (with my son) to VISIT his family in South Africa for a couple months,.... i at first said HELL NO because i didn't want to be away from my son that long and being as how my husband and i werent getting along well at all i did have that fear he wouldnt come back... but after long consideration and alot of convincing from my own mother that he was trustworthy and would come back, i let them go.
the plan was for him to leave in November and come back the middle of January - well, needless to say - a week before he was suppose to fly home with our son he called and said he wasnt coming back.
i tried calling the police, and they said it was out of their jurisdiction they couldnt do anything and since we were married and i had given him permission to go - i was told by everyone there was nothing i could do but pray that he came back...
I will say this.... the environment at the time when he left was definetly unhealthy. He and I would fight in front of our son, drink, and were both seeing other people- we really should have just seperated and shared custody - but lack of finances it didn't work that way. Neither one of us were innocent in the matter.

So that brings me to today. My son is now 5 years old... after my husband left i battled an alcohol and drug addiction that i have now overcome thanks to prayer and finding God... Also i have recently (about 7 months ago) relocated to South Africa, am living with my husband (we never did get divorced), and my son and my mother-in-law and father-in-law. we all live in the same house.
The adjustment to another country has been hard in itself, also leaving my own family behind as well as my friends.... but the hardest thing i have had to deal with is this.... (which is where i need advice)

my mother-inlaw has basically become like a mom to my son... she was the one that raised him because his dad apparently worked alot and did his own thing.. dont get me wrong, my husband is a good father and is in my sons life now, but my mother in law runs **** if you understand... LUCKILY my son has just learned english fluently (they usually speak Afrikaans) so he speaks english with me but afrikaans with everyone else. I have been trying to take over the mother role but it seems like anytime i do she comes in and takes back over -- for example (and this kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME)
i was playing with my son with a toy boat while he was in the bathtub-- just before we were done playing she came into the bathroom grabbed the washcloth, and started rubbing soap on it to wash him. she totally took over- i didnt say anything to her, because i would have been mean... so i just let her do it and walked out. she then gave him a bath and i went and cried. I am afraid i am not "good enough" in her eyes to be his mother and i am also scared her standards are too high for me to meet on mothering my son... i have told my husband about this and he just blames it on me and says i put myself in this position and i "brought it on myself". I feel like he is always defending his mom and not me.
Mine and his relationship has improved (mostly because the drinking has ceased) but we dont really talk that much and when we do its him against me.. i do love him and i know he loves me....
we have an opportunity to move into our own house (well we will be renting it from his parents).. but my husband just doesnt think we are ready (he is now gone during the weeks for work and only home on the weekends)... But i know i am ready to move out!! and my son says he is ready too, i just am starting to think my husband doesnt want to seperate from his mom, she makes it really really easy for him...
I dont know anyone here except for his family, have no car or license so i cant go anywhere (my ma-in-law takes my son to school), my husband is gone all week so i usually just hid in our room or play with my son when his grandma isn't around. i am just ready to be Mommy again, and to just "visit" grandma.....
Sorry this was so long, just ranting... i need advice from anyone-- ideas, whatever!? i am feeling like i am crazy and a bad person for taking my son away (we would be living in a house down the street) from his grandma... Do i step in and take back control when she does things like the bathtime thing???? ahhhh idk. need help though please.