Kids calling dads girlfriend mama

[Kimma12]

Good morning, I'm new to the board and very emotional before I even get this first sentence out. A little background will help in this post too. My husband and I have been separated since April 2011, we have 2 boys ages 7 and 9. They lived with me, with weekend visitations with their father until October 2011. At that time hr gained temporary residential custody of our kids. The boys now love with him, his girlfriend, her teenage daughter and his teenage daughter. He only follows the court ordered visitation schedule of every other weekend and Wednesday from 2-7. In our papers it's says I'm allowed more time but he refuses to let me see them
Our the relationship between my ex husband, hos girlfriend and myself has deteriorated since an incident at baseball practice when his gf called me horrible names and cussed at me on front pf our youngest son and the other parents at baseball. I hate the way things are because it affects the children.
The situation I'm facing now is my mother overheard my youngest son call her mama last night at baseball practice. I'm heartbroken over this. I'm not sure how to even handle this. My mom took it upon herself and text my ex about it. He told her to mind her own business. Do I say something to my son? What do I say? Do I say something to my ex? I feel like if I do they'll just use it against me later. Or do I just get over it? Should I feel happy she seems to love them and they seem to love her?

[saliisis]

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. However, I think you might be right, when you say you should be happy that she loves them, and that they love her. Of course you would be heartbroken. You cant just get over something like that, but yes be happy that they are safe and loved. Trust me they still love you, you are their mother!

[babyjiva]

hugs xo. well, personally i don't think they should call her momma. she's not there momma, it's no different than them calling anyone else momma. if you weren't in their life and they took to her as a mother and called her that, that's fine. but they have one momma and you are there.

[dmariehill]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to have your child call someone else Mom.

Please remember there are many reasons to call someone mom and none of them mean you are less or that your kids love you less.

In this situation, with other kids in the house calling her mom, it's common to want to be a part of the situation, to want to not be different.

In my life, I've called 4 men Dad, my bio dad, my ex-stepdad, my current stepdad, and my late father in law. I call my current step dad and my late father in law dad as a sign of respect and because of the closeness of our relationship, not because I think they're actually my dad. And it doesn't mean that I love one of them more or less. I have enough room in my heart for 3 Dads. These 3 have been active in my life at the same time. I love them all. I would be seriously offended if someone told me I should only call my bio dad, dad. What I call these special men is between me and them.

When I got married the first time, my step dad walked me down the aisle and handed me to my bio dad who actually gave me away. They were both special and important to me and they both had a part in this special time.

I know it hurts right now especially because you feel you aren't getting to have the relationship you want with them. Try to let that pain go. Don't let it make you bitter. Allow them to have special relationships with whomever is in their life. Remember, you aren't less to them. You are still and always will be their mom. There's enough love in a child's heart to go around. Don't let them know that it bothers you because that resentment will taint your relationship with them.

Additionally, I would document every incident like the one at baseball where she cussed you out. I'd get written witness statements and keep gathering information and documenting every bad behavior of hers. Then use it. In court. In front of a judge. The judge is supposed to care about what's best for the kids. And her cussing anyone (but especially you) out in front of them is not in their best interests.

I hope that my experiences maybe bring you some comfort. I hope that your situation gets better soon.

[monkeys4freedom]

I completely agree with dmariehill.

[Swati88]

I am very sorry to hear this my friend!!According to me kids should not call her mom!!