Help with parenting toddler boy

[mombot2000]

Hi there,
I have a two and a half year old boy who is a complete handful and I'm at my wits end. I just don't know what I'm doing sometimes and it is hard to feel like a good parent when your child does not listen to you. He gets in to everything and I mean everything. He won't listen when I ask him to stop his bad behavior and I just don't know how to change it. He understands what I'm saying but he still does the exact opposite.
I don't know what to do. I find myself yelling all the time and I never wanted to be "that" parent. I have tried calmly asking him to stop, I have tried yelling. I have tried saying nothing at all. If any one out there has any good advice I would be grateful for the help.

Thanks for your time.

[charliesmommy]

Have you tried time outs or taking away toys? It's very hard to reason with a two year old outside of showing them consiquences. Taking away bedtime stories worked wonders for us.

[saliisis]

I also have a two year old, but he only acts out in day care. He hit the teacher! I work a hop and a skip away from the day care, and I told them to call me if he acts up. Well I got a call today that he hit the teacher again, so I went up to the day care, took him into the bathroom, and spanked him. I felt terrible afterwards. I cried. My husband says, that is what he needs, and that is what our parents did to us, and it worked! I agree, but I still feel terrible. When my husband called up and checked him, they said that it didnt get better after I left. I dont know what I should do. My husband said we are going to have a family meeting tonight, and that there will be changes.
I have to admit, the both of us are at fault. He is constantly working, and I work, come home, cook clean, and its the 8 yr old and 2 yr old running and rough housing around the house while I am doing 25 things. Then their Dad comes home and get on the laptop.
THe 2 yr old pretty much listens at home. He screams of course when he wants his way, he fights his older brother, but he doesnt hit me, or is unruly. If I tell him to stop, he stops. At the day care if his teacher tells him to stop, he screams NO! and then he throws something. Yesterday it was a toy. My husband says that he is thinking he is playing with these kids at school like how he rough houses with his brother at home, and we just have to be more enforcive at home and tell him really how he has to behave, instead of brushing it off. SO we have to make some changes in our parenting as well. I hope it works. The little spanking that I gave him didnt seem to work. It works at home, and he rarely gets spanked, just popped.
huge sigh*

[KarrieS]

Hang in there Mombot2000. Toddlers are tough. I've always said that this stage is the testing twos (vs the terrible twos, which doesn't really put your mind in the best place to best deal with your child...)

They do test. That's usually what it's about. It sounds to me like your little guy is trying to see what will happen; if he does x, y happens. It's usually about learning what they control, and boy! When he gets you to yell, he knows he's got control! Been there myself.

What helped me most was remembering that it's just an exercise in control -- him trying to gain it, and you trying to keep yours. I always used to squeeze my kids' hands and say quietly something like, "we don't act that way here", or "that's not nice behavior." Then I'd take my boy and put him in the corner and tell him that he could sit there quietly and think about nice behavior. (I think experts say a minute for every year of your child's age.) Mine always used to try to get up. Here's where I really had to be patient and quietly pick him up and put him back and say that he needs to stay until I get him. I'd keep doing that until he did it.

Then, the most important thing at the end of the time-out was to reward him with a lot of praise for doing as you asked. Love on him and tell him that you love him, but you don't love (whatever his bad behavior was.)

I've found that kids WANT to know that there are boundaries -- the rules make sense in this crazy world and help them to feel secure. It's just important to be consistent with them and also to remember who the adult is. He's looking to you to guide him as to how to act.

Best of luck. I'm getting ready to go through it again with my youngest. I feel your frustration!