I want to see if I am alone on this. I am affraid of raising a girl. My wife and I have two boys. with the first one I had the normal first time father jitters, with the second one I am just fine. He is already 6 months now and I roll around on the floor with him. It is not the early years that scare me though. I would do just fine until she was 11-12. I was protective of my sister even though she was older. I think that has some to do with it. I just fear what could happen to her when she got into her teens. What some boys might try with her or what some pervert child molester could do. I have a niece who I am very close with. My wife has baby sat her since she was born. I also have a fear for her safety. when we take the kids to the park I keep an eye on everyone around. If someone rubs me the wrong way I go over and start small talk. In the world we live in anything can happen. are there any other dads that can relate, or dads of daughters that can help me calm my fear. I would like to hear from moms on this also.
I completely see your fear. We aren't having another for a few reasons one being that we don't want to take the chance of having a girl. Girls are harder in so many ways, IMHO. And all the things you mentioned are some of them.
I am a mom of a DD (4) and am expecting a second girl in January. When I found out I was pregnant the 1st time, as a mother, I had the same fears. I didnt want to deal with it and prayed everyday that I would have a boy. However, my DD has been the greatest gift in the world. Now that she is here, I dont worry so much about would could happen, I just live my life to protect her and raise her to the best of my ability. As a parent, we have fears no matter what the sex of our child is. I think that if you keep the line of communication open, and make sure to talk and listen to them, you can raise a decent child, especially a girl.
Please also remember that you have to worry about boys the same as girls. Child molesters take girls and boys, boys can be raped, boys can be seduced by older woman, pressured into sex by peers, drugs, etc. Having a boy doesnt necessarily safeguard you for these things. You have to be just as watchful of boys.
I can guarantee that your mind will ease with time. My daughter is a blessing, and I cant wait to have another one. Im not scared for them, I cant be. I will protect, guide, and teach the best morals I can. I will lead by example and make sure that my daughter respects herself.
My husband felt the same way. He practically raised his little brother from infancy (there's a 14 yr. difference). So he felt like he had the baby thing down, but was a bit nervous about the girl parts. I remember when they were really young and he asked me what he should clean "down there". I showed him how it goes, and he's been fine ever since. He loves having girls now- they are more affectionate- I think. They love to cuddle him and give him kisses on the cheek, he just melts when they do that. So cute! The relationship between a father and daughter is vastly different, but I've found a bit closer. My dad was always more protective towards me than to my brother. Again, it's cute.
You have to teach her to be strong and start at an early age when you can still rock her to sleep. After 13, it's over: if you don't already have a close relationship with her, you're not going to get anywhere with her after that. Dads have a secret weapon if only they learn how to use it: her heart. It's your best hope to get to her. Force, extreme disipline, gounding, punnishing, taking away things she likes, and being an overly strict parent I believe often causes more problems. But her heart, that's another matter dads. She'll grow to love you very much; and you, she. And if you've taken the time, read her bed time stores, took her places, did things for her, loved her, taught her all about life, perils of girl-world and women and general, problems with boys, sex, drugs, alcohol addictions, other hazards of living in general, she'll have a better chance to grow up strong and empowered wanting to succeed and not disappoint or hurt you because of her heart.
Teach her about sex at an early age. Sorry mom, it's more effective if dad tells her some things about sex: just the idea he loves her enough to talk to her about something he is very uncomfortable talking about means a lot to her. Think you can tell her what a rubber is dad? A ballon-like object fitting tightly over the guy's penis to catch the semen the guy ejuculates before it can enter the vagina and fertalize any egg the woman may have released thus causing preganancy? A period? The fertalized egg can't survive long enough to wait for the body to grow the blood vesses to nurture it so the body must grow them days (weeks) before to be ready just in case one gets fertalized and if none present, the body sheds this growth as a period. Sorry girls, no other way. It's a timing problem.
But dad will have to give her the freedom to do pretty much what ever she wants to do within reason as long as it's not any deal-breakers you just can't allow. This freedom will empower her and with your help dad, will also strengthen her to make wise decisions.
I'm still only a mom to be, but here is my experience from my childhood. My dad has us, two girls. He was raising us as a single parent since I was 8, my sis a baby. Thanks to his good relation with us, a lot of understanding and love I always had just enough confidence in him to tell him all what was going on, even with boys and to ask him for advice. Now I understand how that was a great relief for him to be sure that even if I was becoming a big girl, he could trust me and he knew what was going on with me. So, I would say that it's all the matter of the relation and trust you establish with your little girl.
"justadad" made a great point here, learn to use your dad's secret weapon, her heart! So well said!
For that other part which no parent can control, I would agree with "lena". We are no more in '80-s... before only few years kids were maybe fighting in the school, today that pull out guns... so I believe that if I'm going to get a boy, it will not be easier just because of his gender!
Last edited by little_happy_B; 11-03-2008 at 10:22 AM.
This is something I have always said: Girls are easier under the age of 10; boys are easier over the age of 10.
Each gender has their own set of worries and problems to face through the years. It is the years under the age of 10 IMHO that shape and mold who you child is going to be. Setting boundaries, being fair, establishing trust, and developing a strong bond are all part of what makes a child turn into a responsible, caring, and strong adult. The teenage years are the in between time where they have the chance to take what you have tought and use it in "practice" situations. We have to trust them to make the right decisions about drinking, sex, and drugs during this anomaly we call the teenage years.
I say "practice" as in these situations help them practice for adulthood. Of course they are real situations with real consequences.
"Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments" -Henry Ward Beecher
I think I can understand what the OP is going through. I'm a first time dad to a baby girl, and I have no idea what I'm going to do later. She's the first female baby in the family since my mom was born 53 years ago. I have one brother and all my cousins on my dad and mom's side are boys. I just hope I am able to teach her right. A friend of mine told me to buy a shotgun and start practicing for when she gets older haha
I have to tell you, I am always perplexed whenever I hear people say things like that. I have 2 girls and they are calm as can be. My 16 year old is a level headed child, very open to talk, studious, responsible and truly a loving and caring teenager. My 9 year old girl is headed along the same path, a very calming and soothing presence in our home. I was actually scared when I was pregnant with my son. He is now 5 and I'm still waiting for the terrible two's to pass. He requires a lot of energy, I'll tell you that. I'm a born and raised New Yorker daughter of two Marines, my parents ---while very loving---were also very strict, not overly so, but we always knew where that line was drawn. I picked up the same principles my parents taught us, and by always being open to dialogue while at the same time drawing that line long and hard, my girls have grown to know that we do not tolerate non-sense in our household; and this has resulted in two well-rounded, disciplined, kind, and loving young ladies who aren't impressed by what their friends think or do. My little boy has not been as easy to raise as my girls. And my sister who has 4 boys can relate to my troubles with my boy. So, there is always another side of the coin. You will do fine raising a girl, in my opinion they are easier than boys, but that's because my husband and I are a united front and have remained focused on our parenting and very much in touch with our girls. When someone writes something like "I won't have another child because I'm afraid it will be a girl" I really have to wonder what is going on in their heads, I hope more than air is circulating in there. Good luck to you, remember to not to try and be her buddy, but be a parent --they have plenty of friends. Keep the communication lines open, and do not negotiate ---stick to your guns always.
i have twin boys, and i must say that i've always wanted to have a girl. Now that I have my boys I am ok with that. I think raising a boy or girl is equally difficult but in different ways. I am pretty sure my boys is it for me, but if i were to get pregnant again i would be scared if i were to have a girl. My husband says: when you have a boy you worry about one penis. when you have a girl, you worry about all the penis's. I'm sure someone else can understand that, hence the whole, you have a girl, get a gun! lol! so i can understand you being affraid! Good luck, and i'm sure you guys will do fine!!