Sleep trouble, big trouble

[Adil]

Hello Forum,


My Lovely, wonderful, adorable two and a half year old has some pretty serious sleep issues. She insists upon sleeping in bed with us, or she will completely freak out. She used to go to sleep on her own in her room, but for the past six months or so, she has complained that she is afraid, etc, there is an imaginary bad guy (he has a name and everything) Who is at the window, under the bed, coming to get her... She will sit through a couple of stories, and then she just refuses to go to sleep any more. People say things like "Who is the adult and who is the child? Just put your foot down" That attitude betrays a conspicuous unfamiliarity with... my daughter, and how badly she freaks out. It is scary, like something from the exorcist.
Part of the problem could be that she no longer takes naps, I do not know. We keep her night-night routine pretty solid, I mean it could be tighter, but it is consistent. She just doesn't want to cooperate any more. She is great during the day, until she starts to get over-tired towards the end, then all bets are off.
I just went through another rough time with she and her mom, trying to get her to bed. When she gets upset at times like that she says "Don't touch me daddy, go away daddy, get out daddy", and pretty much only mom can console her, but then she still won't go down with any ease any longer, ever. She shrieks and struggles, and complains. and asks for things, on and on and on. She will not stay in bed at all unless one of us is in there with her. One of us pretty much has to go to bed with her every night, but she will only tolerate me being the one on certain nights, when she is not completely losing it. During the night, if I try to sleep in the bed, she kicks and wrestles, and wakes up every few hours. Then she wants to get out of bed hours before I have to be up for work...

Her mom and I have watched our relationship deteriorate. It is pretty much over. She suffers from severe depression, and I suffer from... somewhat milder depression. She is a stay at home mom, I work, but do not make enough, so there is stress there, but I thought we were doing the right thing by having one of us home with our daughter. Things are not working out. This family is in serious trouble. Nobody is getting enough sleep, we don't have enough money to separate... there is just no break in sight. I am so stressed! I go to school, and work full time, and I am just starting to wear down. I do not know where to turn for help, and I am not coming up with any possible solutions.

Peace.

[pennyroyal]

wow, its really unfortunate that this situation has taken such a toll on your relationship. first of all, have you spoken to a counselor or a couples therapist regarding the downward slope of your romantic situation? im not sure if you two are married, but you have a child together.. its atleast worth taking the chance to work things out, for your daughters sake. if you havent already, i would highly reccommend doing so.. it might give you some insight into your lives that you werent able to see yourselves. also, the stress and tension between you and the mother might be taking its toll on your child, and causing her to act out. sometimes kids react in strange ways.. just a guess though..
if she isnt even 3 yet, why is she no longer taking naps? does she react the same way to naps, as she does to going to bed for the nite? a lot of people suggest that you let your kids "cry it out.." but really, i cant do that with my daughter. when she gets upset i get scared that shes going to hurt herself. she too is almost 3, and i swear.. she gets so worked up that her face turns red, purple, and blotchy.. she starts gagging like shes going to vomit, its just a big mess. one of the things that i did with my daughter was to get her ready for bed, and to stay in the room with her.. until she fell asleep. it definitely took time.. and it was tedious for sure.. but if you can get her into her bed, eventually you can ween her off of having to sleep in yours. i kept a chair in the room, and eventually i was able to break away from her, and remove the chair completely. even if you have to go in and out of her room through out the nite getting her back to sleep, it will pay off in the end when she is able to sleep soundly in her own room. also, it cant be good for you and your loved one.. sleeping apart.. and really, she needs to help you in this situation, too. she needs to be consistent in whatever method you two choose, to try to break your daughter of this habit. hopefully this helps a little bit atleast.. it sounds to me like you have a lot of things going on that may or may not be feeding off of eachother. youve gotta find a way to stop the vicious cycle.