I'm a dad of a 2 year old and am struggling to maintain visitation that is more than every othere weekend. I've changed jobs and shifts and everything possible to create a easy and better schedule between me and mom. But she just won't have it. Nothing I say or do makes her happy. I was the primary caregiver the first 18 months of his life but when we split she filed restraining orders againist to establish custody first. I'm not looking to take time away from her. I just want to have a healthy relationship with my son. My heart hurts more and more. Why is it moms always get the upper hand?!? If there is any dads that have some positive stories please tell....I need a pick me up after court today. And if any single moms can give advise on how to "please" some who always is unsatisfied please give. Thanks
honestly, good luck. Best bet is to get a good lawyer that will go on the offensive, but that requires good money
Without it, you are at the mercy of the ***** and the court which are heavily mom favored. Really, it should be automatic joint custody except in certain situations.
All I can say, get a lawyer, and no matter what, try and stay in their lives. As they get older, they will see for themselves what is going on and they will see their mom for who she is.
luckily, for me, Ex worked things out for me. We got joint phys/legal custody and works great for us.
First thing I would suggest is to be proactive... document your change of schedule and job to accomodate your schedule. Document that you were the primary care giver for the first 18 months.
The start being proactive! Take parenting classes. Take a co-parenting class, there is an online course that is used by most court and costs about $40. Take a class on non-violent communication (nvc). NVC isn't about not yelling and hitting, it is about listening to what someone really needs, which they might not be asking for, and then working on a solution.
Document everything! If she calls to talk about anything related to your child send her an email that confirms what you talked about. If you aren't sure of something she said then ask her in an email. Even if she calls to talk about it confirm the conversation and what you talked about in an email.
It might look like this...
She calls "You can't pick him up this weekend because I am visiting family"
You email her "I just want to confirm that you told me I couldn't not pick up or son because you are visiting family. Is there a time this week I can pick him and spend time with him?"
She calls "No you can't"
Replying to, or forwarding, the above email "I just wanted to confirm that you told me I could not spend time with our son this week."
You will have a record... part of the custody should have a clause about the parents not interfering with the rights and the duties of the other parents. If she continues to modify the custody agreement at her whim (which is illegal) you will have a record of it.
but i dont think the OP is even at that stage yet. Sounds more like they are just seperating and are now working that part out.