Issues with IN-laws AND behavior

[DaddyDaryl]

Ok, so this may be long but i need some advice. I have a three year old. Amazing little girl. She loves to dance and sing and will play aloud when doing so..not all the time but when she is really excited. Especially when she sees her cousins. Her cousins that are 2 and 4 are not allowed to show their enthusiasm. Whether it be in the house or in a public venue. For Instance....we went to eat while they were in town visiting and the girls were talking and laughing with each other not uncontrollably.. (there were people at 3 other tables that night) my nieces were constantly being told to be quiet ...loudly by their mother while we would ask our Daughter quietly to use her "inside voice". Mind you they have not seen each other for 2 months and they are 2,3,4 years old. Well we then go to our house to play and our Daughter is excited to show off her new Christmas toys
....well once the playing started the other 2 were told to clam down and be quiet. Our daughter all the while was having a good time. My wife will often times join our daughter and sing and dance and laugh and scream. While we think this is fun and normal behavior our in-laws look down their noses at us. While this is not an everyday occurrence, our daughter mostly will sit quiet and play she has a wonderful imagination and will make up stories and games.....when she does fell the need to let her scream and play we let it happen. Last for about 10-15 minute and she is done. My sister in law made a comment about how could one child make so much noise.....and that our daughter needed to come to her boot camp. I told my wife that comments like that heighten my level of distrust with ever leaving my daughter alone with them.

My sister in-law also told her daughter that is not how to behave and that my daughter was being bad........To each his/her own....we explained to our daughter that they have different rules and they are not allowed to do what she was doing.

No the grandparents are saying we spoil her and and that it annoys her grandfather when she yells and plays (there is a deeper underlying issue there)

Should I be worried ..1 about my daughter expressing herself and having a good time 2. should I be worried about my sister-in law being alone with our daughter
3. should I just not care what they think and continue to allow our daughter to be herself.

I just feel like we are doing the right thing and being frowned upon for doing what we think is right.....I am ready to go tell them to stuff it!

[diaperdad]

You shouldn't be worried about your daughter. Nor should be worried about your parenting style.

If your sister-in-law uses your daughter as an example of bad behavior in front of your daughter you need to have a talk with your sister-in-law. If your daughter is exposed to that kind of thing then talk to her about how words have different meanings. Her aunts idea of being bad is very different than mommy and daddy's and mommy and daddy's idea of what is bad or not is what should matter to her.

[ra11en]

As long as you're teaching your daughter when to use an "inside voice", and how to be respectful of others and their conversations when she feels the desire to be exuberant and loud, I wouldn't be worried or listen to SIL at all. They are supposed to be excitable and louder than us as adults are, they are kids!

Obviously we need to teach our children when it's appropriate / not appropriate (library, church, etc), and not to rudely interrupt other people's conversations, but to me it sounds like your daughter is being just a normal child.

If your SIL tells her daughter not to behave like your daughter, and she says that in front of the kids, I would hope you or your wife would make sure your daughter especially hears you speak up on her behalf, and that her behavior is absolutely okay by your standards. Your daughter needs to hear that, and I for one would likely express my dislike to SIL for her using your daughter as a "bad example" when she isn't breaking any of your parenting rules. Especially in your house!

So yeah, likely I would be telling them to stuff it. LOL! Kids should be allowed to be kids!