Ok, I'm prepared for the verbal lashing I'll get behind this.
I am going through a divorce. I want to move out of state with my kids but the ex will not agree. I really don't want to go through the court battle so I've decided to leave the two kids I have with him here and take my oldest child with me.
Reasons I want to move:
Better job opportunities
I'm just miserable here
Has anyone else ever been in this position? What did you do? I love my kids but I'm ready to leave asap.
I don't have any advice..personally I don't think I could move out of state and leave my kids behind...but that is just me. I am not in your shoes and I don't know anything about your situation. Have you asked the kids that you are leaving behind how they feel about this ? Are you prepared for them to be angry with you and possibly not have a relationship with you at all ? How old are the kids that you would be leaving ? Can you stick it out till they are older? Those are a few thoughts that come to mind...
I don't think that moving away without your kids is an option that would be beneficial to your children at all. As mothers it is our jobs to put our childrens well-being above our own when necessary. In this case, I don't feel that your reasons for leaving your kids behind are worth the inevitable damage I see it doing to your kids. If I were you, I would exhaust ALL possibilities to find a happy medium for your kids and yourself. But leaving them to find your own happiness elsewhere, to be quite honest, seems incredibly selfish to me. It's your decision, but I really hope you think long and hard about how this will affect your kids happiness vs. how much happiness it may bring you.
Everyone has good advise, additionally despite not wanting to go through a court battle, you still should legally draw up some sort of arrangement for visitations.
Also, nothing wrong with single dads, but make sure it is in the best interest of the kids. When your kids are young, you have to make self sacrifices to make sure what you do is best for them. If you moving without them will adversely affect them (outside the obvious wasy) - you might need to not make the move. But if they are in good hands with dad and should otherwise adjust, it can be an okay decison.
One other thought, how are the (half) siblings going to do being raised apart? Will that be too hard on them?
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!
Before you know it your kids will be old enough to make their own choices and decide where they want to live. You will never get those years back with them, but you can always move later on.
When I was in highschool my parents decided they wanted to move out of state and build their dream home. They got me an apartment (I was in my senior year and 18) and at the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever. I had a lot of fun. But as an adult I look back and think , you really could just wait a year and be there for me? They missed out on some pretty big moments of my life to focus on themselves and what they wanted to do. It was a very selfish move IMO. Had they left me when I was very young, I don't know if i'd even bother having a relationship with them.
My Grandparents did the same thing to my Dad, only he was 16. It still hurts him and their relationship has suffered because of it.