As the sitter --- when to step in?

[gbtctm5]

I am a licensed in-home daycare provider. I have this 4 year old in my daycare who I have had for 3 years, so I'm pretty close with the family. Recently, he has starting acting very ugly to his mom when she picks him up in the evening. Every morning before he gets on the preschool bus, he puts his own shoes and coat on without any fussing, arguing or fighting with me. However, when his mom gets here, it's a whole nother story. Throwing a huge tantrum, screaming, yelling, hitting her, calling her names, and being absolutely ridiculous. I try not to intervene because obviously, she is here. But she doesn't DO anything about it. She doesn't raise her voice, doesn't make him do it. And it drives me BATTY. A couple times I have gone into the entryway and very sternly said "JOHNNY - YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO YOUR MOM LIKE THAT. You are big enough to put your own shoes on, you do it every morning for me, now put them on!" And I say it with authority (which the mom does NOT). And low and behold, he puts them on. But if I'm not in there, I listen to him throw these ridiculous tantrums EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. What do I do? As a parent, what you rather have? A sitter who steps in and makes your kid mind and do what they are supposed to? Or just hangs back and listens to you fight with your child. There are days that it takes them 10-15 minutes to get out the door because he's being such a little brat. And then I can hear them outside, his screaming and yelling at her. I can't stand it!! ADVICE PLEASE??!!!!!!!

[Malea]

I think even if I am having a hard time with my child..It would upset me for the baby sitter to step in. I would be pretty angry at that person for disciplining my child when i am right there .....I know it must be very hard for you to watch/listen to though...

[samjones]

The mother may be upset upon hearing what you have to say, but if her son is being as dramatic as you say then it is probably best that she knows. I think it would be better if she heard that she needs to change her interactions with her son from a trusted friend than to have a complete stranger tell her that her son is a brat. Tell her what you think as politely and tastefully as you can and hopefully she will accept your input with grace and understanding!

[JenL1]

I was wondering, is it possible that the child doesn't want to go home for some reason? I have seen kids (including my own) throw tantrums when being dropped off at preschool or daycare, but I don't recall ever seeing a child throw a tantrum when being picked up. Could there be a reason that he doesn't want to go home?