Visitation ruins our Christmas! HELP!!

[oneproudmom22]

My ex has NOTHING to do with DD all year. He does not visit, he does not call, he does not write, and he does not pay his court ordered child support. NOTHING!! Then Christmas comes and he insists on exercising his court ordered visitation so he can take her to see his family on Christmas day. They also have nothing to do with her. She does not understand why she has to go. She does not want to go. Yet, I have to make her go or face a contempt of court! I just think this is so wrong!!! Last year we were having a wonderful time with our out of town family members but then it was time for her to go. She begged me….”Please Mommy I just want to spend Christmas with you. Don’t you want to spend Christmas with me? Did I do something wrong? Why are you punishing me?” She cried and cried and cried but I had to make her go. It was awful and I feel guilty to this day. She came home and was upset and very mad with me….just the way you want to end Christmas day! It was not my fault but I don’t know how to make her understand this. With Christmas fast approaching I know I am going to be faced with the same thing again. My daughter is a beautiful, smart ( A honor roll), tender hearted little girl (7 years old) who does not deserve this. Christmas is supposed to be about making wonderful family memories but in this case she sees Christmas as a punishment. Any advise??? Thank you.

[aporthetalk]

Hey oneproudmom, I would think there has got to be some kind of neglect issue that you could bring before the court, being that he has not paid his child support and that he or his family has nothting to do with your duaghter during the year. I have no legal knowledge and I absolutely know the courts can have a real screwy way of looking at any given case. I would try to search that out somehow, I'm sure that situation is distressing on you and your daughter. Good luck!!

[diaperdad]

What does your court ordered visitation and child support agreement say exactly? If he willfully violates the agreement he can't turn around and expect it to be enforced when it suits him. Have her document every breach, every missed payment, every missed date, everything. Talk to a lawyer, if she can't afford that she can go to mediation. Many states have free mediation for family court. Basically... if he is in violation of the agreement, then he has broken the contract and she no longer has to follow the contract. I would start buy trying to recover court order child support.

[redvines]

it sounds like the visitation was well within his rights, and unfortunately, if that was the case, then there is nothing you can do about it in that regards. It does not matter if he hasn't paid child support (if you withhold his visitation rights as outlined in the custody agreement, even for him not paying child support, he can go after you about it, even going to the cops.)

Also, what is the reasons for him not visiting the kids? Is there a reason he cannot visit the kids?

Basically... if he is in violation of the agreement, then he has broken the contract and she no longer has to follow the contract. I would start buy trying to recover court order child support.

this is bad advice. Do NOT think that just because he violates the agreement (i.e. not paying child support) that it gives you the right to withhold visitation or that it allows you to violate any other part of the contract. DO NOT DO THIS. (There is not even any language in the custody agreement that will lend any credibility to this). If you withhold visitation on the grounds that he violated his part of the agreement, he can take you to court for it and you can get in trouble for it. And something such as withholding visitation can, in some cases, can lend yourself in jail. And if done multiple times, he can use that against you and get a better custody agreement for him which may not be good for you. Using the excuse that he was violating the agreement will not matter. If he is violating the agreement, you need to take it up with the court on that matter, and will be separate from the situation if you decide to violate the agreement in retaliation. TLDR, Do not violate your part of the agreement, and take him to court for his violations. (him not visiting the kids as he is legally allowed to do, is not a violation, but him not paying child support is)

[EIdLady]

My children are Finally out of high school; and some oftheir children are out of high school! BUT, it is a trying time for both the custodial parent and the child. I had one attorney tell me that it is better to NOT have a challenge to the visitation parent and allow the child to have any visitation possible. I do NOT believe that is the Best answer, as many other parents counseled you, documenting EVERY action, asking for the child support to be paid THROUGH the courts (which proves the payments) and searching in your community to find low-cost; high results options for legal advice. There ARE lawyers that do work on a pro-bono basis. Check with the county services in your area as far as legal resources; the office that over-sees the child support payment often has a wealth of information for you.