Arguing about Money

[Jessica at Parenting.com]

They say that money is the #1 reason for divorce, but being stuck in a money-fighting rut doesn't mean you're doomed! In today's economy especially, it's good to have some perspective on how to talk about your family finances.

In the November issue of Parenting magazine, we offer some tips for having the conversation without getting uncomfortable, defensive, or frustrated.

Read How to Argue Less about Money.

Some of the helpful hints include remembering that your relationship is about more than your wealth, knowing each other's past feelings about money, finding something to admire about how your partner manages his or her money, and having some money set aside that you can spend without getting anyone's permission.

Have you and your significant other argued about money lately? How did you resolve it? Also, have your own ideas about money changed over time?

[brandie1127]

I have just come to terms with the fact that we have different views on money. I am the saver, he is the spender. I have learned to appreciate his spending because if he wasn't that way we probably wouldn't own anything and he has learned to appreciate my thriftiness because if I wasn't that way we would be further in debt. When we argue it can escalate PRETTY bad. He tends to act like a spoiled child and his arguments consists of things like ... I sold this thing so this is "found money" and who cares that our mortgage is late I want to spend it on ... ( insert non-important thing here) . We usually end up screaming but we settle down and I just try not to resort to my own bad behavior and push his "hot" buttons. IE call him spoiled, or selfish ... I try to set saving goals and as long as those goals are met I leave him alone when he wants to spend excessively ... ( as long as he pays cash ... of course)

Its been hard but I think me being pregnant and not earning as much has taught us how to be more "our" money minded.

[craftyashley]

We fought a lot over money. At one point we decided that I would be in charge of the finances. Which is fine, most of the time. I pay the bills on time and make sure we are saving. But sometimes it feels like a burden. Whenever we are struggling financially, it all seems to be on me. We're trying to tweak this system. I'm trying to keep him more informed about our balance so he isn't in the dark, and knows when he needs to work a bit more overtime. We'll see how it goes! It seems like a never-ending struggle!

[APEMBERTON]

This Is Def. A Never-ending Battle. I Am The Saver .. He Is The Spender. Although He Doesn't Spend Alot, I Am The More Thrifty One. He Could Care Less About Coupons While I Search The Net Like It's The Law To Have The Coupons.lol. I Think Our Main Problem Is That I Feel Like He Takes Me & My Time For Granted When He Acts Like Coupons Are Stupid Or Getting Mad About Paying Late Fees, Or $3 Or $4 Atm Fees Just To Get Cash!!! The Little Things Add Up So That Is Where We Have A Break-down!!!

[craftyashley]

He Takes Me & My Time For Granted When He Acts Like Coupons Are Stupid Or Getting Mad About Paying Late Fees, Or $3 Or $4 Atm Fees Just To Get Cash!!! The Little Things Add Up So That Is Where We Have A Break-down!!!

I know! My husband thought that getting a burger here, getting a soda there was no big deal. I went through our statement line by line to find every little thing he would buy during the day and added it up. Holy Cow! He was spending $15-20 a week! That's at least $60 a month of stuff! I confronted him, and he was totally stunned- like the stuff he buys doesn't actually get withdrawn from our bank account! Shouldn't he already be aware that this stuff adds up?!

[brandie1127]

we were chronically a month behind in our mortgage and my DH bought a $600.00 paintball gun, I'm working only 20 hours a week until I have the baby and he went on a weekend trip all the way to Universal studios Florida ( from jersey) to ride rollercoasters and participate in their holloween thing. ( He does it every year ... but maybe this year was the one to miss) meanwhile my car is on the verge of being repoed! I could kill him!

[EHrun]

brandie1127, I know you didn't ask for advice, but I just can't stop myself... You and your husband are in serious trouble. Other posters (and me... I can't get DH to stop going out to lunch even though I get whatever he wants for lunch from the grocery store!) are having trouble with relatively small wasteful purchases. A $600 paint gun when you're behind on your mortgage and close to having a car repoed is DANGEROUS! You must get him to stop buying things that are clearly not in budget. If you can get him to return the paint gun, that would be great. Something that I and some of my friends have done is set up separate savings accounts for you and him. That way, if he (or you) wants to buy some stupid thing, he has to save for it and then can use his own money instead of putting you in danger of foreclosure!