First, I am the biggest husband-coddling person I know, which is saying a lot. Secondly, my husband is the biggest full-grown baby I have ever met. So what happened was my husband has an infected toenail (eww I know). So, Monday morning around 3 a.m. he woke me up. And by “woke me up” I mean he came into our bedroom asking me to get up to which I replied with a grunt. After about 30 seconds or so, I reached over and felt my daughter still sleeping beside me and then assumed what he said wasn’t an emergency since the baby was not up and I promptly fell back asleep. Next he came and woke me up again. So this time I wearily went into the dining room where he is sitting in a chair and messing with his toe. So I asked what (or something like that because I was half asleep) and he asked if we had any alcohol. So I go into the bathroom and look and of course we don’t because I never prepare for anything so I brought peroxide back to him. Then he begins telling me that he caught his toe on the doorway and needed something to stop the bleeding. I get him a band-aid, problem solved right, and go back to sleep.
For the rest of the work week it is like freaking world war III to get him up to go to work. He said he was hurting really bad from this “injury”. I respond “Why don’t you call the doctor?”. Well Wednesday he says that he can’t handle it anymore and asked me to call the doctor. (What is wrong with his fingers dialing the phone I do not know). Alright fine, if it will shut him up right, so I call and get him an appointment for Friday morning 8 a.m. Because we only have one car he is going to miss work that day and go to his doctor’s appointment. I decided not to miss work since we are a small walk away from the clinic he is going to. I go to work Friday morning in rather a good mood I must say. So I get a call around 11 that morning, assuming it is my husband telling me what happened at the doctor’s office. No, he is calling me furious that I did not set his alarm (which I did but it decided to go bonkers for some reason). So he is 3 hours late for his appointment plus the clinic closes in an hour so the probability of him getting another appointment today is slim to none. Again he asked me to call the clinic about rescheduling. I, already furious that he missed his appointment and that he blames me for it, tell him to call himself. He doesn’t know the number. Fine, I text him the number.
He has not called me back yet to say whether he got in at the clinic or not but honestly at this point I do not care. I am yet to understand why he had to wake me up at 3 in the morning *twice* to get him peroxide and a band aid. I do not understand why he can’t call the doctor. I think it’s hilarious that he blames me for not setting his alarm when he is the one who is supposed to wake up not me. Does anyone else have this sort of problem or am I alone? Seriously I get this man’s clothes out every day that he has to go to work so he doesn’t have to wake up any earlier & how do I get paid back, by being 10 minutes late to work every freakin’ day. Is there any going back & making him an adult (he’s 22) or am I stuck with this forever………. Is everyone’s husband this big of a baby when they don’t feel good or just mine? Also, all of this crap for a freaking toenail!!!?? I guess I would be a little more sympathetic if it was like his back or neck or something….
Ugh I need some encouraging words asap!!
to answer your questions - my husband is very independent, and prefers to take care of himself - unless it is something he can't reach (as in he wants muscle rub on his back). If my husband is sick, he prefers to take care of himself, and generally won't tell me if he is not feeling well. when i ask him why he says - i have a job i need to go to, in order to take care of my family. I don't have the time to feel sick. I will just deal with it. He is the first person to take care of me when i don't feel well, or hurt myself.
my encouraging words to you are - "Your are not his mommy." if he still wanted to babied by a mommy, he should have stayed at home, not gotten married, nor be part of a child's life. gently remind your husband that you don't mind taking care of him, but you will not be coddling him - you will not be woken up while sleeping unless it is a life threatening emergency, you will not make doctor's appointments for him, you will not set his alarm - remind him that he is a man, and is able to do grown up things on his own now. encourage him to do grown up things as well - and let him know how proud you are of him for making such big changes in his life.
Sounds mostly like a maturity thing, but geez,that's pretty bad. In our household we tend to dress ourselves, pick out our own clothes and take care of our own cuts and bruises. Honestly, what you describe is the way I treat my 4 year old. The 6 year old picks out her own clothes and sets her own alarm. You hubsand is being ridiculous....
I agree with what the others have said. Also, you need to think about the fact that if you keep babying him..it will only get worse..trust me if he is this way at 22 and you keep enabling him...then he will be like that at 42.. I do think giving our spouses a little TLC is a good thing...just not to the extreme..where you are a slave.
You two have gotten into a pattern of him depending on you. You two need to work together to get out of it. Let him know (without judgement) that you need to start doing less for him. Start with one or two things (like setting his own alarm and getting out his own clothes). And work towards expecting more and more out of him. You might not ever get him to wash and fold the laundry, but you should be able to get him to dress himself and make his own doctor appointments.
Yes there will be consequences. He might miss work if he takes too long finding clothes - or he might not get a doctors appointment for a few more days if he is the one who has to call, but if the consequences disturb him enough he will change. Be sure you don't give if (and let him know you are not going to) just to make one day easier, or he will know if he makes a big enough fuss it will go back the way he likes it, with you serving him.
Keep in mind, you did marry him as is, and one shouldn't want to change their partner to fit them, on the other hand, you are his wife, not his mom and he needs to respect you as such and make changes that shows respect for you.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!
I don't want to offend real suffering people cause of bad illness or permanent injuries...so, I don't mean that kind of pain.