brandie1127 and cay8099 you both brought up great points! Brandie1127, you are absolutely right about teaching your child to respect themselves and their bodies, that should definitely be incorporated in teachings about sex.
Cay8099, I agree, there is a difference between teaching and preaching. I think teaching is heard more while preaching can make them tune you out, so great point!
oh Cay ... you smoked weed? oooooohhh i'm telling!
(Its ok I'm sure you never inhaled) ...
For all you fundamentalists I'm sure her analogy was JUST an analogy as is me "poking" fun at her. :P
Brandie totally in love mommy of Ava Michelle 2/5/09
Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid ~ Einstein
Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Rooselvelt
Well behaved children aren't born they're grown and happiness is a choice ~ me!
"Why can't you do both?"
Because in my opinon, for my family it would by hypocritical of me to teach abstience since myself and my childrens father did not pratice it. I agree with better my child from my mistakes, and trust me, I have made alot of them, but the likelness of teenagers abstaining from sex these days is very rare, I would rather prepare my child for what comes with having sex and how to do it resonsibly.... PERSONALLY I have not problem with pre-martial sex, and I would not have a problem with my children having premarital sex so long as they are doing it respectfully, responsibly AND are old enough to understand the emotional and physical consquences that comes with it.
"I disagree. I believe if you ask our children, they'll tell you that they're committed to waiting until marriage because it's the right thing to do, not because they feel pressure."
Your telling me that if you ask your sweet 12 year old (as a daddy) "Honey, daddy really wants you to wait to have sex and would be very disappointed if you were to disrespect yourself and do something bad like have premarital sex, would you be willing to abstain from sex until your married?" That that 12 year old is NOT going to feel pressured to promise to do it? that is just unlikely. I dont know about you but most 12 year olds are terrified of their parents and what thier parents think of them that they will agree to make them proud of them....
SEX is not a bad thing and shouldnt be treated like a bad thing...Sex is a natural thing that I feel is OVER promoted these days but I personally will let my child make that decision for themselves granted they arent like 12 or something.lol.
Last edited by Mommymara; 10-23-2008 at 10:47 AM. Reason: spelling error
Yes, I agree with you. I guess I should elaborate. I plan to teach my children both sides of sex. Abstinance and responsibility. Sex is a beautiful and natural act when it's shared between 2 people who love and respect each other. Like I said earlier 15 is just too young. I will teach my children to wait for an age when they can fully understand the consequences and the responsibilties that come with them. I will not be dissapointed if they do not wait but I will be dissapointed if they aren't responsible about it. That's what I meant earlier when I said teach them a healthy respect for sex. When handled the right way there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage, but there is nothing wrong with teaching abstinance either. I would be fine with my son dating a girl all through highschool and them having sex after they have been together for an extended priod of time. I would not be fine with my son letting his penis rule the day and leaving a string of use to be virgins in his wake.
I'm asking why you believe the two are mutually exclusive.
Yes, if somebody was as stupid as you're trying to portray us, and said that, then the child would probably feel pressured. Fortunately for us and our children, that isn't even remotely how we approach teaching our children about sex.Your telling me that if you ask your sweet 12 year old (as a daddy) "Honey, daddy really wants you to wait to have sex and would be very disappointed if you were to disrespect yourself and do something bad like have premarital sex, would you be willing to abstain from sex until your married?" That that 12 year old is NOT going to feel pressured to promise to do it? that is just unlikely. I dont know about you but most 12 year olds are terrified of their parents and what thier parents think of them that they will agree to make them proud of them....
You have to understand, we don't simply tell our children not to have sex and then drop the subject. We teach them that sex is something different than what you teach your children sex is.
It isn't that we have coerced them not to have sex. It's that they have a completely different understanding of what sex is than you do.
From the moment they've had any concept of sex, they've been taught that sex is not merely something you do for fun, but has a holy purpose within the context of marriage.
The only concept they have of sex is in the context of marriage.
Who said sex is a bad thing? We teach our children that sex is a wonderful thing.SEX is not a bad thing and shouldnt be treated like a bad thing
Last edited by War_Eagle; 10-23-2008 at 11:35 AM.
I still believe you can teach both abstinance and safe sex. I had premartial sex, but, just because I did it doesn't mean that I don't want to try and better my child for it. I wish I had waited, I don't have horrible regrets about it in my life but I adore my husband and if I could choose he would be the only person. I don't want to think that just because a high percent of teens have sex that mine has to be one of them. Yes, they will make their own decisions which is why I will teach them how to be safe but I hope they will look to a better decision because of the influence of their parents and know why it is a good thing to abstain and feel good about abstaining.
I don't think there is anything wrong in asking your child to wait. Yes they may feel pressured to keep that promise but that is a pressure I am willing to put on them. It is that pressure that will make them stop and think before they "do". And it should be noted that I am talking about children and teenagers not a grown adult. As a grown woman, if my daughter is in a serious relationship then I'm not going to be blind to the fact that she is living her life and probably pursuing an intimate relationship at that point.
I don't think teaching abstinance is telling them sex is bad. Sex is not bad, it is a beautiful thing but for a teenager it can be bad. They are not emotionally ready for the act or the consequences that may arrise.
And I agree that sex is completely over promoted, it is all over the place and unfortunately I believe that has made it more "common". It is that thought that "everyone does it so why not", we see on tv, movies and magazines people who just jump into bed with this one and that one. Which is a shame because it should be about love and respect for your relationship and yourself and be something special between those two people.
Ok. I'm gonna be 100 percent honest and let me just say, I'm completely proud of this. I waited until my wedding night to lose my virginity. that was almost four years ago. You know why I waited? It wasn't because no one "wanted me" it wasnt because of a purity ball (we didnt have anything like that, but the idea seems kinda neat to me) . It's because my parents and grandparents were open and honest. I went to church. We had "the talk". We learned about STD's in school. None of that made up my mind. I myself CHOSE to stay a virgin until marriage, becuase *I* wanted to. no one else.
Yes, staying abstinent is harder nowadays, due to the world around us. Tv, magazines, everywhere. And sadly the internet is a big one for it. I don't know anything about purity balls, but hey if promising your dad that you're not gonna have sex helps you.. so be it. and War_eagle, i have heard about the purity rings, and I think that's a great idea.
gostomskiart, you said "it should be about love and respect for your relationship and yourself and be something special between those two people." Not everyone believes that..sometimes sex is just for sexual satisfaction, and teenagers more than any other group have that notion that sex is for satisfaction. I doubt that a purity ring given to a pre-pubescent girl (10 or 11) will deter her from sleeping with a boyfriend when she is 5 years older. When you're a teenager, hormones always override parental guidance.
marlalovesmaury, I agree, not everyone believes what I believe. I think as a parent we have a responsiblity to teach our children/teens that sex should not be used for pure satisfaction, espcially at that age, it is called self-control. I think the issue of a purity ring or dance is taken by some as the parent gives a young girl this ring and the girl promises she will wait until she is married an that's it. Ring or no ring, the bottom line is consistancy in teaching your child about safe sex (abstinance being the safest of all). As your child develops into a young adult that teaching can't stop. They may know how the birds and the bees work but I know I will continue to teach my beliefs and expectations to my daughter. Yes, she may end up making the decision to have sex at a time that I wouldn't neceessarly like but she will know all her options. She will also know that her parents don't approve of it until she is older, wiser and hopefully married. I just can't justify saying it is ok for a teenager to have sex (whether they do it or not), especially my child. They will be educated on safe sex but I think communication and discussion and placing value on themselves and the act can help a child to see sex as something special between two people. I can honestly say that I respected my parents as a teen and many decisions I made as a teen reflected on "what would mom and dad think/say?" At times it was even that reflection that gave me an way out of doing something I may have been feeling pressured to do at the time. I'd say, "no way, my parents would kill me!"
"That's not what you said. Your post implied that it is impossible to teach a child abstinance and educate them about sex."
My post did not imply anything. If you took it that way, that was YOUR way of taking it. I simply said for ME and MY family it would be hypocritcal. I never said that abstience and education couldnt be taught hand in hand. You said that I did. re-read my post dear... If I really felt that it couldnt be taught hand in hand, I would have said that....
"You have to understand, we don't simply tell our children not to have sex and then drop the subject. We teach them that sex is something different than what you teach your children sex is."
See this I understand, thats why I have not questioned or discontented the way YOU do things for YOUR family. I just simply stated what we do in MY family, its understandable that they might be different.
"Who said sex is a bad thing? We teach our children that sex is a wonderful thing."
No one here said that sex was a bad thing, but I see alot of people who do treat it as a bad thing in order to deter their kids from it, Not everyone teaches their children as throughly as what you have indicated that you teach yours War_eagle.
"From the moment they've had any concept of sex, they've been taught that sex is not merely something you do for fun, but has a holy purpose within the context of marriage."
The only differnece of your concept of sex and my concept of sex is that it is an act that is done between two individuals who genuinely love and care for each other. Not just stictly for marriage