Why I disapprove of purity balls

[bluecollardad]

ok let me start out and say there are a good bit of you who are throwing religion around here. what just because someone is not a christian they are going to make wrong decisions???? come on people... are you for real about some of the stuff you wrote on here.. I am not putting down religion, I was raised in a church. I am just saying back off some, you can not raise a child by always refering to the bible. give them your opinion. not just on this sex topic but with everything else. when I was growing up any time I would ask my father a question he would refer to the bible. It got old fast, so I just stop asking. you need to stay on your kids level.

Also a lot of people on here refer to the male as being the tempter. again is this for real. there are just as many girls tempting boys as there are boys tempting girls. Do you see the clothes they wear. 10yrs ago when I was in school I had to turn down a lot of girls. I would of been with over 50 girls before I got married. I simply said no, not because god told me to but i stoped and thought about the consequences, not just the fear of getting them prego but the fear of getting a std or something.

when my son is old enough for the " talk" i will tell him the good and the bad. I will explain the consequences. but i will allow him to decide. I will not hold it against him or view him any different.

[marlalovesmaury]

right on blue collar!! your wife is a lucky woman!!

[Isaacsmom]

To those who say that a purity type plan is too much pressure from a parent to a child - who is the parent and who is the child in your family? We are called parents so that we can perform as parents. We are supposed to rear our children in a good direction, not let them decide everything they want. Do we want selfish children who make decisions based on what they want at the moment, or do we want respectfully responsible children who grow into adults who can and should care for a child of their own, only when they are able to?

Please tell me, do you think it would be easier for your child to care for a baby of their own when they are 16, or maybe in their 20's? Or how about them having to depend on others for everything or being so scared out of their mind at having a baby that they cannot cope and in turn, are not able to be the parent that they could if they waited for marriage?

99.9% of pressure in this world comes from everywhere but at home. Our kids need stability and encouragement.

And please do think about this one thing . . . Imagine if everyone did wait for marriage to have sex . . . . my guess is there would be less to no STD's, hardly any abortions, more respect for women in general (and men of course), and I could go on and on . . . can there really be any argument against this?

[Isaacsmom]

PS . . . . I am only 26 years old. I have been married for 2 years now and have a 9 month old. I waited until marriage to have sex. My parents taught me how to respect myself and others and also to make good decisions. NEVER once did I feel pressured to do this. I would have felt awful any other way though. I would have let them down and myself. Right now though, I feel like I have accomplished something and even though I know that I am not better than anyone else, I do know that I am different and can be happy that I made good choices along with what my parents taught me.

The only reason it was hard for me to not have sex before this was because there were not a lot of people who understood me and why. But other than that, no it really wasn't that hard not to have sex, even though I did have a few boyfriends in high school. So please do not tell me about pressure because I've only recently come out of it.

The only reason that it is soooooooo difficult for kids today is because respect is becoming less important. Please don't be one of those parents who says that it's ok because everyone else is doing it. Don't give in just because it's easier that way and your child may end up doing it ANYWAYS. IT IS A TOUGH JOB BEING A PARENT. We should accept this the moment they are born. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine my son getting into something that he shouldn't before he is physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually ready. Isn't that our job as parents?

[bluecollardad]

yes as parents it is our job to teach our children what is right and what is wrong, to mold them and shape them etc... but our children are not robots, part of being a parent is relizing that we can not program our children. you have to talk to them and start when they are young, if they do something wrong explain why it is wrong and what could happen as a result....... then when your child gets older and you talk to them about sex you tell them to be safe and tell them what can happen as a result of them not being safe.... Why do so many of you say you should wait until marriage???? this is 2008 not 1908... yes I see the morals and what the bible says,,, but is it so wrong????? If you find someone you want to spend your life with why do you wait until your married, people go to college and start careers and sometimes marriage gets pushed back some...

As for a 16yr old who is pregnant and raising a child, I can relate to that. my sisters best friend got prego in high school and her parents kicked her out of the house.. what kind of parents are that... so then she moved in my families house. my mom, dad, sister and myself helped her take care of the baby, and he turned out just fine.. my point is... If a teen makes a decision to have sex and something happens as a result,, we still need to help them... what is the difference between a teen getting a speeding ticket because they weren't thinking and a kid getting prego cause they weren't thinking.

we as parents need to teach our kids to think for them selves and not allow other outside sources to make there decisions.. peer preasure--tv--music-etc..
there is no way for us to be with them 24-7.. so talk to them about it and let them decide

[brandie1127]

I think no matter how you decide to go about the "sex vs purity" conversation with your children the most important thing is creating security in them so that they know that they can talk to you about the issues they are facing without judgement. Many households across this nation raise their children VERY different. There are children that grow from a strict religious environment and turn out totally well adjusted, just as children that grow from a looser more liberal environment can turn out well adjusted. Children from BOTH sides can also grow to have major issues because of their parents teachings. So I think that if in your house YOU choose to teach Abstinence as the only way - as long as you do it in a way that allows your children to talk WITH you about what they are facing then you have created a secure family environment. If everytime your daughter has a sex question, You reminder her that good girls don't and she'll go to hell if she does - you have created an unhealthy environment.
Likewise in a liberal home - You can talk about sex, stds and birth control, while instilling in your children self respect. However if your home is so liberal that members of the opposite sex can spend the night at your home and your son or daughter doesn't have curfews - then this is an unhealthy environment.

So there are EXTREMES to each teachings. As long as your children are secure and respectful with themselves and You and have bounderies. no matter what your teaching them I'm sure you are doing right by them.

[War_Eagle]

not just on this sex topic but with everything else. when I was growing up any time I would ask my father a question he would refer to the bible. It got old fast, so I just stop asking. you need to stay on your kids level.

Fortunately, my children have reverence for God's word so when we look at God's word for answers to our questions, they take it to heart.

I simply said no, not because god told me to but i stoped and thought about the consequences, not just the fear of getting them prego but the fear of getting a std or something.

That's certainly not a bad reason to say no, but it isn't a very good one, either.

The problem with basing your morality on pragmatism is that what is expedient is constantly changing.

[War_Eagle]

Imagine if everyone did wait for marriage to have sex . . . . my guess is there would be less to no STD's, hardly any abortions, more respect for women in general (and men of course), and I could go on and on . . . can there really be any argument against this?

I remember many years ago, there was a cartoon in which a little boy asked his grandfather, "Grandpa, what did people wear for safe sex back in your day", to which the grandfather looked at the boy and replied, "A wedding ring".

[jenn_0629]

I am a 17 year old mom, my husband and I have been together for years. I love him, respect him, and he feels the same way. I got pregnant, and while it not be the most desirable situation to many, we work really hard and are great parents. No one can really be ready, even if you are 30, you just really aren't prepared.
I am not a huge religion buff, I do believe in God and the Bible..but..You really cannot live completely by it...you have to figure things out on your own sometimes.

Anyways, premarital sex...it happens..all the time. I did with mountains of mountains of respect from my lover, I knew we would be together forever, and here we are married with a beautiful boy. When he is older, I believe in teaching him about risks..not only physically, but mentally. I want him to know that teenagers often do believe that they will be together forever..usually with every single person they are with. I want him to know that if he has sex with every single one of those girls that he thinks he loves...that is really going to rack up. And when he does find that special woman, it will really hurt her...

We're parents...we aren't God..we cannot control our children. We cannot brainwash them into thinking they will go to hell if they have sex. For those who do follow the Bible to a 'T'...what happens if your kids do have premarital sex? What if one does get pregnant or gets someone pregnant? Are you going to support them or are you going to do the opposites. Kids need to know that you will always be there....always...no exceptions.

[cay8099]

Right on Jenn. Very well said.