I read about purity balls yesterday. News to me. I feel sorry for the dads. They're desperate and trying I'll give them that, but "purity" balls? I don't think so. Not to mention the dancing with daughter part which I think is a bit awkward. Don't get me wrong, hugging her, kissing her on top of the head from time to time, telling her you love her, buying her presents, and telling her she's pretty, that's fine. Dancing? What? Schools don't do that anymore? The purity thing too I think is a bit naive and unrealistic. Come on dads. She's going to think with her heart (and give in) and boys are very deceptive, trecherous and influenced just as much by the media to have sex as the girls are. End of story. Much, much better to teach her to be smart about life, boys, and the perils of girl-hood and let her make her own best decisions about it. She's going to anyway.
All the influences in her life contradict the purity idea anyway: She sees rampant, flagrant sexual adds on TV, magazines, and music hyping beauty, slimness, and sexual promiscuity. Her peers, friends, and boys mercilessly provoke her towards sexual behavior and ridicule her if she doesn't.
If anything, the media should be having purity balls with itself!!!!
I'd rather have Father-Daughter barbecues with the theme "Empowering girls to make wise decisions about themselves". It would be a relaxed atmosphere, and she could wear something cool, not formal and stiff. Talk about girl-hood in general, the problems, hazards, and decisions girls face in school, with friends, and with boys, the influence of the media upon a girl's self-image, pressures by peers, and the pitfalls of American society in general when it comes to women, the emotional consequences of promiscuity (give examples), and the abuse of girls and women by men in general.
I may not have it quite right yet. Don't want them to grow up hating men although they should be cautious. This has lots of room for improvement. Better than some purity ball though I think.
Last edited by justadad; 10-18-2008 at 11:24 AM.
I know what you mean. I'm 22, and all that stuff was bad when I was in middle school and high school, and I worry about how bad it will be when my daughters are that age! My husband and I agree that we will be open and honest and try to talk to them as much as possible about it, and not try to pretend otherwise, like our parents did. The only sex talk I got from my mom was "don't do it till you're married." Thanks mom.
Wow, those purity balls sound creepy! Just talk to your kids about sex! Does it really need an event or something?
I agree I live in New Jersey we, I shamefully admit, have had the highest numbers in the county for Clamidia and Gynorea amongst middle school students aged 11 - 13 and AIDS amongst males aged 17 - 24 for YEARS!!! Move to Jersey get an STD should be our slogan! When these reports were first established I was in middle school and it scared my parents to death - so one day my dad sat me down and said "Brandie we are going to stop talking about abstonence and start talking about AIDS" then he made me watch And the Band Played On. Probably the best gift he EVER gave me! I was terrified of an STD! My friends started playing "oral sex" truth or dare the following year. We were 12! I did not partake! I kept thinking ... you are all going to get sick and die. I lost my virginity in highschool like most chicks - but I had been with my boyfriend for over a year and he wore a condom. ( haha thats when I learned I was allergic to latex ) My husband and I both had std tests before we decided to have unprotected sex. I have a gift NONE of my single 20 - something friends seem to have been given. I have never been afraid to tell a man if you want to have sex with me you will wear a condom! I was more afraid of AIDS. They have random sex all the time ... unprotected. My cousin has herpes - her parents raised her with all talk of sex leading down the "wait till marrage" path. "good girls don't" My poor cousin didn't even know what an STD was ... until she had one!!!!
Purity Balls don't protect our children they lead them blindly to slaughter like lambs to a wolf! Parents are naive if they think thats what it takes. The other thing my dad did was tell me if when I graduated highschool a doctor could prove that I was still a virgin he would buy me a porshe for graduation - he was BSing of course - But Bribery might have had more of an effect then a Purity Ball.
Brandie totally in love mommy of Ava Michelle 2/5/09
Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid ~ Einstein
Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Rooselvelt
Well behaved children aren't born they're grown and happiness is a choice ~ me!
Here's one for you-I was a virgin when I graduated from high school. Of course when I did lose it (at the age of 19) and my mom found out she went nuts and screamed, "Oh, my, God she's pregnant! You're pregnant aren't you!" She scared the s**t out of me, but no I was not pregnant. This purity ball thing is probably the worst idea I've ever heard. If anything it would be the type of thing teenage girls will use as a I will lose my V on the night of the purity ball. It will be the new prom.
I think that as a parent you need to teach your teen a healthy respect for sex. Not that DON'T DO IT TIL YOUR MARRIED crap. Once again it is the allure of the forbidden. If all they hear is don't do it, won't that just make them more curious? It's like saying keep your hand out of the cookie jar to a 5 yr. old, what good does that do? As soon as your back is turned that cookie is his.
I was taught abstinence only until I met the man I intended to spend my life with. I graduated a virgin and though I didn't wait until I was married neither of us has ever been with anyone else. I think that has contributed to 24 years of a happy marriage because each of us knows the other had that much respect for their future spouse and that respect is still there.
You're right, schools don't teach children how to dance anymore, but our children are homeschooled, so they do know how to dance.
Which is precisely why we don't have a TV and take great care in deciding who our children are allowed to be friends with.All the influences in her life contradict the purity idea anyway: She sees rampant, flagrant sexual adds on TV, magazines, and music hyping beauty, slimness, and sexual promiscuity. Her peers, friends, and boys mercilessly provoke her towards sexual behavior and ridicule her if she doesn't.
That does not tick me off. I always said it wasn't right that a boys sex talk was "wear a condom." and a girls is "don't do it till your married." When I was working this one girl I worked with who is 20 she said she lost her V at 15! I was shocked! That is way too young for that kind of responsibility.
I completely disapprove of any parents doing the anything centered around "purity". Purity should be the decidees decision alone. not the parents saying "hey, I will give you this ring so you feel pressured into doing what I want you to do!"
Having sex is a PERSONAL decision that every individual has a right to make. Now I do believe that its best left to an age where you can understand the consequences of having sex (I dont believe ANY child that is 14 and under can TRULY understand that concept or understand the meaning of sex.) Sex is and expression of ones love for one another and I believe that it needs to be in a time where it takes you more than a week to run all 3 other "Bases" liek so many of our tweens are doing today. Its rediculous. I lost my virginity WAY too early. I kinda didnt even understand at the time what was going on until the guy I was with kinda did it and it was like "OH!" Needless to say I have severe regrets around it and for a long time it ruined the whole idea of sex for me. I had a hard time connecting the idea of sex and love.
I can never tell my children to wait for marriage to have sex, it would be hypocritical of me, but I will encourage them to REALLY respect themselves and value the one thing the can NEVER EVER have back. You only get to make the deicision to say "yes" to that once to where there is no going back. Its all differnet from there.
I will definatly support my children and stand by them, but I will enducate them rather that preach abstinence. I think preaching abstience makes them feel pressured to live up to your expectations and can have very detremental effects if they chose to not wait until marriage. They worry that you will be ashamed fo them and look down on them, and that is very hard for a child to fathom.
There is so much pressure in our society to have sex and I feel like when you make that decision it is a step into adult hood. unfortanately too many children want to grow up too fast and be adults. Being an adult is not all that fun!!!!