She will never know her dad.

[aimeelwaters]

My kids have two different fathers due to life situations. Divorce and then new relationship. My son's father is for all intensive purposes absent. My daughter (who is only 4 and a half months old) has no father AT ALL. He wanted me to get an abortion and I couldn't do that. Then come to find out there is a WIFE in the picture and a SON that is 11 on his end as well. Can you say excellent liar? I feel like a fool and an idiot that I didn't see it. But aside from how I feel, he wants NOTHING to do with her. Like she is the plague. So after threats I decided to not name anyone on her birth certificate. I am completely happy to handle this one myself. She is gorgeous and my son and my sunshine. But what do I tell her about no dad at all? I can handle the sometimes dad question no sweat, but the none at all, has got me stumped. Any ideas?

[Tropical Escape]

it sucks that he doesn't want to be apart of your daughters life but sometimes that's just how people are and I knwo that is sad and cruel but it happens. There are plenty of people out there who don't have a father or a mother and you just explain that not everyone needs to have a mom and a dad. My son (who has a different father) and before I met my husband (who recently died) he wondered where his father was, because he didn't want much to do in his life either. I just said "Well, I think I'm both, and just because you have only one parent doing both roles does not mean that you are any less cool. It just means you are extra special. You don't need two." and he was content with that answer, and he doesn't really wonder about his (birth) father anymore.

[aimeelwaters]

Thanks that helps. I was hoping it would be that simple. And for the most part the simple answer is the best answer, ya spose? Thank you.

[charliesmommy]

I wouldn't worry about that now that she's so young. You never know what life has in store for you later. You may meet an amazing man who will happily be her Daddy. Relax and enjoy your little girl.

[justadad]

I'm only in here cus' I happen to see this the other day at the top in the general listings; rather not bother mom-to-mom things but I wish to do so here:

I don't believe it's simple at all: your rage has unbalanced you.

When she gets older, not having real dad in her life will wear on her; she'll be upset, hurt, resentful, and adversely affected by it. He's going to regret it terribly that he missed the opportunity, you've got to worry about a little Tinkerbell (18 or younger) being around other men not her dad, and a girl needs at least one man in her life she can be comfortable around without having to worry about all the things she normally worries about when she's around other men and that man should be her dad, that is if he loves her.

Oh he'll regret it alright. How about we try something different? Next time you see him, in private tell him someone from the future gave you a message for him: Reach for his hand, place it palm up on the table and tell him, "Twenty-seven years from now, a spike is placed upon the open hand, a mallet raises high, the question asked: "how bad do you want to go back and get her". He'll regret it alright. Nothing is spoken; the head slowly lowers in silence with the other hand willingly extending next to the other, palm up as the question is met only in tears". Look to him when you meet him with this in the back of your mind. He'll sense it and perhaps begin to understand.

[cay8099]

I disagree, having this man in her life could do more harm than good. Having a father who is ambivelant or just doesn't care is much worse than having no father at all. Trust me I have seen the effects of fathers who just don't care. Maybe later on down the road he will regret his decision, but this is his loss, because this man does not sound like someone you would want in your child's life. If it had been up to him she wouldn't even be here. Don't you think having a man who never wanted her is worse than no father at all? Besides there is a huge difference between being a father and a daddy, and this man will never be a daddy.

[gostomskiart]

I think while your child is little you can say you are both and they will probably only need a simple answer. She may want more info as she gets older. I hope you meet a wonderful man who can step in as a great father one day. Until then is there a good male role model (grandfather, uncle, cousin, friend) who she can look up to understand what a "good" man is?

[justadad]

I disagree, having this man in her life could do more harm than good. Having a father who is ambivelant or just doesn't care is much worse than having no father at all. Trust me I have seen the effects of fathers who just don't care. Maybe later on down the road he will regret his decision, but this is his loss, because this man does not sound like someone you would want in your child's life. If it had been up to him she wouldn't even be here. Don't you think having a man who never wanted her is worse than no father at all? Besides there is a huge difference between being a father and a daddy, and this man will never be a daddy.

. . . yeah, I guess your right. Tough luck dad . . .