I should start by saying I never saw myself as a mommy, I'm more the traveling, career chick who gives all her love to her hubby, her job and herself. Everyone is always so OMG pregnancy is great and my MIL says "your unhappiness about this pregnancy scares me, this should be the happiest time of your life" my response "when she graduates college and is a self sufficient successful adult with great morals that we have taught her" - that will be the happiest time of my life, right now not so much! First I had a horrible blood clot just 3 months before I conceived so when we told our families that we were expecting their response wasn't "yeah congrats" it was "OMG you are not supposed to get preg for a year. Maybe you should think about terminating" Thats now how its supposed to be when your a grown up and MARRIED. There should be no mention of the A word, medically or NOT! So after getting over feeling like my joy was stolen. I feel like my body has been hijacked. I was SO sick the first trimester puking on avg. of 3 times a day. I peed on myself- in public while barfing! I have to give my self daily injections of Lovenox twice a day, I lost my job and could only find a $10 and hour temp job because noone would hire someone 4 months into a high risk pregnancy. Now I have to apply for welfare!!! My income before this baby was 35k a year down to 200 a week!!!! Then I had to go out and purchase professional maternity clothes to get a job that paid so little when I had no money to begin with! ( I never expected to loose my job).
I cried the first trimester when I admitted to my mom that I felt like i "hated" the baby! How horrible!!!!
I'm glad to report that now I'm in the second trimester and feeling her little movements have made me feel more bonded to her. and I no longer feel like I "hate" her. ... and I am starting to feel more connected to my pregnancy - but that first trimester was rough.
Oh and PS thank Goodness I never considered terminating because my dr's say the original issue that caused the blood clot will return EVERY time I get pregnant. So it wouldn't have mattered if we waited a year or 5 years - it's the same risk!
- Thanks for letting me rant - I'd really like to hear if I'm not alone in not liking being pregnant - for any reason!
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. My pregnancy was a suprise and at first it was hard because I was excited about the baby but I felt there were things lost that I was planning on doing before kids. My hubby and I got over the initial shock of it all and are very excited (and scared). Because we just got married last Dec. our families were suprised. I went through my mother's "shock" but now she is excited for her grandchild.
I guess what I am saying is (for me) certain feeling passed and I am excited to meet my baby. My feelings were never as strong as what you are experiencing but i'm glad to hear that you are starting to feel more bonded with this baby. Now that you are in your second trimester maybe if you start planning a bit (nursery and register for things was a lot fun for me). Keep thinking of the positive (I know it hard especially with all you have been through) but remember that this time will pass. If you plan on going back to work after the baby, remember you had a good paying job and experience so you can do it again. Since you have had such strong feeling so far, please try to keep in mind how you are feeling after the baby is born (in case of post-partum) that way you can figure out the best way to get through it and become excited about your new baby.
Good luck to you!
Wow, pregnancy is life changing, but I'd say yours has been flipped upside down. No wonder you feel the way you do. I'm glad to hear that the second trimester is going well though. I'm not going to say the rest will be a picnic, but for me the 1st trimester was the worst. Since you asked, I'll tell you my story. My parents met and married young. They raised 4 kids on $30,000 a year, and believe it or not we were happy, healthy, well-fed and well-adjusted. However, I always looked at my mom, and said "I do not want to be like you. I'm not having kids, ever. We ruined your life." She always insisted we didn't, but the way I seen it was that she could have had a successful career if she'd never had us, or at least waited to have me. I kept this mentality until I was 27. I went to college, graduated with a 4.0 GPA, and started work making over $50K a year. I rarely dated, never anything serious. Then one day my friend asked me to go hang out with two guys she had met through work. Next thing I knew I'd spent three weeks straight dating my future husband, without any thoughts of escaping before I got tied down. We eventually married, and here's the shocker, started talking about kids. I had two miscarriages before my son was conceived, and that kind of put a damper on my pregnancy with him. I was constantly worried about losing him. Like you, I had terrible morning sickness, and I also had very bad allergies which I couldn't take much for while pregnant. I never actually "hated" the baby, but there were times that I wished I wasn't pregnant. Then I went into labor a month early. I was scared to death. Scared something was wrong with me, scared something would be wrong with baby. Scared that I wouldn't know how to take care of a baby once he was here. Everything turned out OK, and we brought out son home. I expected to fall madly in love right away. I expected to feel like the pregnancy was worth it. I didn't. I kind of felt numb. And tired. My son had some health problems that made him a terrible sleeper. (No more than 2 hours at a time.) After about 2 months, I did finally feel like I had a strong connection with my son, but it was still hard. No more sleeping in on weekends, no more pick up and go shopping when I wanted, no more hot meals because it never failed my son was hungry whenever I was ready to eat. I continued to work for the same employer, but I had to take a different position with a slight pay cut because my previous position required a lot of overtime that I could no longer put in. I went up 2 jeans sizes and pretty much felt like a stranger in my new body. I started doing things like clipping coupons and packing my lunch for work to save money. I'd become my mom. I was miserable. Then we found out my dad had skin cancer and only had few months to live. I spent a lot of time with my family during those months. We were all there for my mom & dad, no matter what they needed. That taught me so much. Family will be there no matter what. Your employer will probably drop you the minute you aren't making money for him. Your friends may or may not be there for you. Since then I've been making small changes in my life to be happier...like exercising, eating healthier, and taking "me" time, but overall I'm really happy with my life. I'm so lucky to have a loving husband and even more lucky to have my wonderful, funny, precious 3 year old son. I can't wait to have a 2nd child.
Anyway, sorry to rant. I guess my whole point of sharing was to say that yes, my pregnancy was rough, yes life with my son is more difficult that what my life before was, but it's so much more fulfilling than the great career/social life I used to have, and no being my mother isn't nearly as bad as I thought when I was a teenager!
Good luck to you with the remainder of your pregnancy. Congrats on that wonderful baby who will add more to your life than you can possibly imagine, and keep your chin up. Things will get better. I promise!
CLS, I thought it was great that you brought up how you felt after the baby got here. It is important to remember that if we don't fall right into the pattern of "mother" that it is ok. We just need to be aware of our feelings and get the help or support needed to overcome them. Good luck to you and your growing family!!
While I have had the world's easiest pregnancy, I freely admit that I think being pregnant sucks! I dont like all the changes my body has to endure, and the emotional roller coaster is the only kind of ride that makes me want to lose my mind! Plus, I went from being sble to do whatever I wanted, to having a very demanding boss, limiting what I can do and eat. I understand it is all for benefiting my child, but one's patience can only hold out so long. I cannot wait to get back into shape, and continue to ride horses, and just get back to myself!
The time is coming closer for pregnancy to be a thing of my past, and I am excited to be done with it. Plus, meeting my baby girl wont hurt either I keep having dreams about her! I hope she is as cute in real life as she has been in my dreams
I reccomend the book "Pregnancy Sucks. What to do when your miracle makes you miserable" It was really funny, and definatly took a light-hearted look at the crappy points of pregnancy.
Thank you all - JWills I am so getting that book! I am glad that I no longer "hate" the baby - if you think it's horrible to hear - just imagine how it felt. I get "attatched" to strange things in my life. Like Sundays - everyone in my world knows Sunday is MINE - no family obligations, no chores, no calls unless I call you! They all tease me about my "holy sundays". I've had a rough life and have realized that these are what helps me keep my sanity. I'm starting to realize that these attatchments go right out the window with a new baby. Its all about them! My family was always very selfish it was -never- about me as a child ( I ate dinner in the dining room alone at the table while they were in the living room with TV trays) so as an adult I spoil myself with alot of special me-time. Thats my "therapy". I think my hubby is aware of my "issues" and I am going to take a weekly night yoga class after the baby is a month old, where he watches her and I get 30 minutes of specific "me" time!
I figured out that I was also attached to the "married - no kids" status! I think coming from a long line of teen mothers it was my badge of honor to not only be married but not have a child either. So I have to let that go as well.
We were in the baby store and I picked out this chick stroller and he didn't like it. He picked out the most baby-ish mambo jumbo HUGE stroller, I had ever seen!!!!
We argued and I hollared at him - I don't want to look like a MOM! ( silence in Babies R Us) He said " but you are a mom"
Apparently I have some ISSUES. I really really want to be a good mom. My mom really really sucked!!!! I just don't want to be like HER!
You know, my SIL said there is a good reason it takes 9 months to have a baby, (not just baby development) but we also use that time to wrap our head around what is going on. I think it is very important you find "me" time after the baby is here. I'm glad your hubby is supportive of that because you will need it and it is healthy for you to want and need it.
I hope that you can take the things that happened in your childhood that you didn't like and use it to make sure you do differently for your own child. I've known many people who have had unhappy childhoods but turned around to be amazing parents. As long as you are aware of what you want for your child I'm sure you will do fine.
(That book sounds really funny, it will probably give you a great laugh!) :-)
The book was really funny, because it made me realize that it was okay to think that way about pregnancy. The author covered everything and anything as far as symptoms. and she hated nearly every single one. But she added an amazing sense of humor to the whole thing! she thinks alot like I do, and I think that is why I found it so entertaining
I have my "me time" planned out as well. I plan on returning to riding horses (dressage) and hopefully competing next summer that is my goal. Horses keep me sane, and I plan on keeping them in my life. I dont want my life to stop just because I am having a child. I am willing to sacrafice everything else in my life, but not horses. I wont give that up. EVER. NEVER EVER. LOL. I would not be me if I didnt have horses in my life. And remaining yourself is very important, in my opinion. Which reminds me of another book that I started to read. I think it was called "moms need time-outs too". i didnt really get that into it, so I never finnished, but if I learned one thing from it, it is not to lose your identity. and that is important to just take a break, step back, and be yourself. Wether it means riding horses, reading a book, or just watching your favorite TV show and grabbing a slice of pizza with the works on top
I know exactly how you feel! I absolutely did NOT want to have kids. My mom had my brother when I was 16, and so I really saw how much work they were, and how my mom never had any time for herself(but she never made a big effort to make the time) and so to me having a baby just seemed all bad and no good. When I found out I was pregnant I cried hysterically, and for the whole nine months I was torn up and worried. I was afraid I would hate being a mom! And what would I do if I did hate it? Last time I checked they didn't have a way to reverse mom-hood. And I felt so guilty that I felt that way. To me it was further proof that I shouldn't be a mom. But now my baby just turned 4 months old and i love being a mom and I love her. Yes, there are times where I get really mad that I haven't had a hot, leisurely meal in 4 months, and times when I miss my old schedule of how and when I did things, but I'm so proud of how good of a mom I am! I'm great at it and I love it! What a surprise ;-)
yes i know how you feel! i'm in week 5 of my pregnancy, and this is my second child! my daughter is going on 11 years, so this is like starting all over again. i am 29 i was only 17 with my first child and i was sick my whole 9 months. it was so bad, i loved my baby but i was not a good pregnant person. my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to me and i would never trade her for the world. now with this baby i just found out last week and ive only been sick once, but i now remember all of the bad things that i didnt like about the first. i guess i'm just scared. i dont know i'm so emotional. good luck to you, it is well worth it!