So I'm new here so I'm not sure if I even posted this in the right section.
I'm 23 years old. I have been with my BF for 5 1/2 years. We've lived together for the past 4 1/2 years. So I've been working and supporting myself in that time.
So I'm ready for kids. I want kids more and more each day, and sometimes I want to cry when I see other people so happy to be pregnant or with their kids. I cried the first time I held my neice, not because I was happy... but because I realized in that moment that I wanted a baby, BAD!
So I'm not financially well off. I've been struggling to pay bills, becuase DBF is currently looking for a job. He was laid off in April. But I'm paying my bills. I mean I haven't been late on the rent and my utilities are still on and I've been paying my car payments and insurance. I'm getting by.
So here is my delemia. I mentioned the other day to my mom all my friends have kids and they're all so cute. She said I should wait until I'm financially stable.
I agree, to a certain extent. I mean once BF gets a job things will be easier, and he hasn't been unemployed for long. And I don't see myself getting a substaintial increase in income (besides BF finding a job of course) for at least another 5 years. And by that time I'll be 28!
What I'm getting at basically is I feel I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I want at least 4 kids and I don't want to pop one out right after the other, and I don't want to be having kids in my 30s. (personal preference)
I know that if I get pregnant BF would find a job right away, probably two. And I know that I'd always be able to take care of the baby one way or another. I'm not currently getting any government assistance (like food stamps) but I know it'd be an option.
So do you think it'd be wrong to go against what my parents think? I know I'm an adult and it's my decision, but is my mom right? Should I wait? I don't want to. I really don't. I don't think a few more years will make a big difference on my living situation. I just feel like there is something missing in my life. Nothing that can be bought or found. But a baby. Someone to love more than anything. I mean I know my mom means well. She just wants me to be able to provide the best life for my future children. I understand that. But I'm at the point in life to where I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon, I'm working at a good job I've been at for years. Will things ever get 'better'? Will there ever be a right time to have kids? Will I be waiting forever and miss my chance? Will I be shooting myself in the foot, so to speak?
As far as a little background: I'd never have to worry about child care. I have a sister and BF has 2 adult siblings that could babysit. Also all four future grandparents live in my city. As well as BF's 12 uncles and aunts and his grandparents. I have a lot of family to watch the baby. Also I work weekdays and BF will most likely be working nights and weekends. BF's mom supports us, and wants us to have kids. She has said that she would pay for everything for the baby (diapers, toys, etc) if I need her to. They have a big house and she has also invited us to stay with them if we were ever unable to pay rent. So basically this child would never have to go without. If anyone would go without, it'd be me. And I'm ready to make that sacrafice.
Sorry this is so long.... so opinions please.
Ok. So basically what I'm asking is, I feel like I'm ready to start a family but my parents don't agree. Should that be enough reason to wait? Or should I do what I feel is right, regardless of what my parents think?
They would the baby either way.
I would wait a bit to be a little more finacially secure. Make sure you have health insurance, and figure out how you can cut out some of your bills (like cell phone, cable, eating out, etc). Try to get a few months savings in the bank for "just in case". Waiting until your finances are perfect will mean you wait forever, but being in a finacial situation where you are planning on the strong possibility of having to rely upon goverment support or in-laws is probably not a good one to bring baby into.
As I said, take a good look at your spending habits and see where you can become more frugal. Research the cost of baby, both delivery and raising a child. And find ways you can reduce the cost (used clothes, etc.). At the very minimum I would wait until your BF has had a job for a few months FYI - he will not be eligible FMLA until he has been at the job for a year - and you will want him to have the option of being able to take time off when the baby is born. Be sure your relationship is stable, you both have jobs, you have something for savings, and then consider having children.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!