This is my first post. I was so happy to find this site!
I am about to be married to a great guy and a sweetheart of a 6 year old girl. She is extremely well behaved with great manners! Awesome! I only have one concern and I can't tell if I am being un informed or selfish so I need your help.
As I said she is 6 but is turning 7 this month. She normally goes to bed around 8:30pm and my FI always reads her a book in bed before she falls asleep. Now as a little background my FI goes to work around 6am and so by book time he is beat. He often falls asleep in her room while they read books and sometimes does not wake up until 1030 or 11pm when he makes his way back to our room.
Is it selfish of me to bring this up, I feel like loose a ton of time with him. Or should I just realize he is tired and its a habit of theirs to do this.
I will say that she has made big strides, before I moved in she would sleep on the couch , he says since his split with her mom she never really wants to sleep in the bed.
Any ways I am rambling. I don't want to be selfish but I miss that time with him. Is this something normal that happens , I clearly don't have any kids so this is all a learning curve for me =).
I would bring it up with him, first letting him know that you understand both that he is tired and falling asleep might be accidental as well as that his daughter might be in the habit of needing him there while she falls asleep.
However, she does need to learn to eventually to fall asleep on her own, and you are now a part of the family, he can't be there just for her as was able to be in the past. He should continue to help his daughter transition to falling asleep without him there (as you said he has made good gains already, he just needs to keep going). If he continues to help his daughter gain her independence he will find (eventually) that he has more time to spend with you after daughter goes to bed, which is truly important to help keep your own relationship strong. At the same time though, you need to recognize this is a process that will take time, and as you said your FI is tired, so let him know you will forgive/overlook the times he does fall asleep despite trying to stay awake so he can spend the time with you.
I think it is important for couples to talk about everything together. My husband and I have an understanding that we can tell each other how we feel without offending each other. Afterall, I can feel one way even if I know that it truly is another way. The heart and mind can often conflict that way. As long as he understands it's how you feel and not that he is doing anything wrong, it should be a healthy conversation.
State Certified Early Childhood Special Education Teacher
New Mom as of March 2009!
Up until this point I have felt very open to discussing everything with him, I guess I just feel like it would be a touchy subject since she was a huge source of comfort during the seperation and prior to our relationship starting. So for me I am very understanding but missing our time together, thanks for the good advice ! =)