Give advice w/out making partner mad?

[carlawray]

My husband is a great dad....but he has less experience with kids than I do.
Whenever I try to give him advice, choosing my words carefully, he gets angry, cuts me off and tells me to stop telling him how to do things. Or he just says "I do things differently than you do" and ignores my suggestion altogether.

What can I do to make him understand that I'm just trying to help make both of our lives easier? How can I get him to openly communicate with me about our parenting?

[Newmom!]

First of all, if what he is doing is okay, not hurting the child and is getting the job done, then he is right, he does things differently and he should be allowed to be himself. Him doing it your way will not really make it easier on him, especailly if he isn't comfortable with your way.

However, you two do need to have open communication, especailly about rules and expectations, so you are on the same page and the children see consistancy between the two of you (even if the way you go about meeting the expectations is different).

One way you can share your strategies, is out of the blue, not when something just happend, start telling him about your day "Our kid really wanted a cookie today, I tried giving him choices between 1/2 cookie or whole apple and it worked! he chose the apple!" This way you share your strategies as your successes without belittling your husband (at least that might be how he interprets your advice).

Also, if you read a book or article that you really think is good, ask him to "please skim it over, I really want to try some of the strategies" Then ask him about what he thinks about x and y in the article. This will hopefully help to open communication without him feeling like everything he does is wrong.

[theoneman]

My husband is a great dad....but he has less experience with kids than I do.
Whenever I try to give him advice, choosing my words carefully, he gets angry, cuts me off and tells me to stop telling him how to do things. Or he just says "I do things differently than you do" and ignores my suggestion altogether.

What can I do to make him understand that I'm just trying to help make both of our lives easier? How can I get him to openly communicate with me about our parenting?

I'm a big believer in counseling even if you don't need it; just go once a year just to talk about things. Yeah right, like guys gonna' go for that . . . too bad. They know not what they do. Me too though. But not anymore. So you asked how to get him to openly communicate with you? Tell him then I am a voice from the future: when he gets older, he'll regret not doing so, other things as well and will look back with regret. Oh, to go back and change things. But you can. He can. Now. Here's your chance. .

[stepmom1]

To be great parents you have to be on the same page. Sit down sometime and hash it all out so you can both do your jobs to the fullest.

[jimmy19880]

Nice to meet you!I'm pleasant to share a interesting conversation:"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."









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[lekha]

let it be on time for some time, and don't advice him by any way, because somehow from your description i can understand he doesn't like anykind of advice. And make realize him everything with practically and dont create any dispute against children.

[diaperdad]

If he is a great dad with less experience then embrace the great dad part, the experience will happen. Let him parent in his own way, just like he let you parent in your own way.

By giving him, or anyone else, unsolicited advice you are telling them your way is better. The truth is that your way is better for YOU, not for your husband, and not necessarily for you child.

[Flyingsky]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" ( just a joke )

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[deniselujan]

I don't know about tea, but my husband makes the best cup of coffee ever. I kind of think it's because of the love they put into it.

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[lmori]

First thing, don't view yourself as the "more experienced" one who should be coaching the other one on how to raise the kids. The opinions of both parents should have equal weight regardless of your experiences. So you should approach every parenting discussion as if you are equal partners in the relationship because, welll, that's what a marriage is right?
But even in an equal partnership, someone has to take the lead every now and then, otherwise nothing gets done. So if you want to take the lead on something, start by crafting a strategy and then asking him for advice on it. For example, instead of saying "I think you should do it this way," say "boy if we had a plan for doing this it would really make my life easier, how about if we did it this way, what do you think honey?". You set the agenda and then got your suggestion out there, and now you are soliciting his advice. He won't even notice that you are the one taking the lead because you are putting yourself in the position of asking him for advice. He may not like your suggestion, but at least the dialog was started on the right note.