No Sex and No Love?

[Jwls83]

So here's the scenario:

When I was about 6 months pregnant, my husband and I tried to have sex. It was uncomfortable for me, not only because the belly but to my "womanly area" as well. So after that we didn't have sex anymore. Now a few months after my son was born, my husband had been whining about not having sex so I decided to fulfill his wishes, only we started having sex and it still hurt my "womanly area". After that my husband and I stopped having sex all together and haven't since. We haven't had sex for almost 2 1/2 years now. To be honest, I don't even care that I'm not having sex with my husband. Lately, especially the last year or so, I have noticed that I don't even feel attracted to my husband anymore. Its not that there is anyone else taking his place or anything, I just don't feel love for him. He tells me he loves me and want to just snuggle with me sometimes, but I can never seem to tell him I love him. Even if I do manage to say the words, I'm saying them as an automactic response. If anything, he annoys the hell out of me all the time. I just hate being trapped in a marriage where I don't even love the person I'm with. Does anyone feel this way too?

[MUM2GR8BYZ]

I find there are times I will get in a funk and feel this way towards my husband. I have noticed, when our intimacy starts to falter a bit - it is easy to start feeling detached and to start viewing the other person as some stranger that just co-inhabits the house. I would really recommend trying to reconnect with your husband sexually. In our relationship, there are times I have had to literally force myself to initiate sex with my husband and then once things get going, I feel my emotions for him firing back up. It makes a noticeable difference in our relationship, we touch more, make eye contact more often, have more meaningful conversations, laugh together, etc. Especially with young children at home, it is easy to fall into a rut! And when that happens it's necessary to take some time to focus on rebuilding that intimacy with each other.

[Newmom!]

Tell your husband how you feel and then Go get some marriage counseling. If there is a relationship to salvage, the counseling will help, and if there isn't, the counseling will help you get through it. If your husband doesn't want to go, then you go by yourself. You need guidance in either how to find your lost feeling for him, or to decided what you need instead.
For the sake of family I hope you are able to happly reinstate your relationship, but for the sake of everyone, I hope happiness can prevaile, whatever that may mean for your family.

[theoneman]

So here's the scenario:

When I was about 6 months pregnant, my husband and I tried to have sex. It was uncomfortable for me, not only because the belly but to my "womanly area" as well. So after that we didn't have sex anymore. Now a few months after my son was born, my husband had been whining about not having sex so I decided to fulfill his wishes, only we started having sex and it still hurt my "womanly area". After that my husband and I stopped having sex all together and haven't since. We haven't had sex for almost 2 1/2 years now. To be honest, I don't even care that I'm not having sex with my husband. Lately, especially the last year or so, I have noticed that I don't even feel attracted to my husband anymore. Its not that there is anyone else taking his place or anything, I just don't feel love for him. He tells me he loves me and want to just snuggle with me sometimes, but I can never seem to tell him I love him. Even if I do manage to say the words, I'm saying them as an automactic response. If anything, he annoys the hell out of me all the time. I just hate being trapped in a marriage where I don't even love the person I'm with. Does anyone feel this way too?

I don't think this is recoverable. Did you even love him very much from the get-go? Can't say vagina? You're not prudish about sex are you? No offense, just things could be a little easier I think if both of you weren't. I'm pretty sure couples can have intercourse right up to, well pretty close to delivery but need to check on that for sure. Also, they don't have to have interecourse to have sex either. And you managed to avoid sex for an astounding 2 1/2 years? I suspect you guys are still having sex but just not together; you with a vibrator and him with the internet. And you didn't allude to how you guys look. That's personal for sure but sex is more fun when you're in shape. Couples should try hard to continue looking sexy and appealing for one another, they should have a non-prudish, healthy attitude about sex, and they should spend a great deal of time learning what it takes to have a healthy marriage and do what it takes to be so if they want each other. You guys aren't doing any of that sounds like to me and you don't love him. Just don't see how any amount of counseling is going to magically cause you to "re-love" him if you ever did anyway. And if you do break-up and find someone you love, well keep in mind the other things I mentioned.

[lekha]

Its ok with you that you are not able to love your husband any more but dont you think its a good thing that your husband still loves you and your son? Think once and ask your self again that, are you seriously want to end up your marriage life?

[LisaGreene]

It's easy to feel that not in love feeling when there is no intimacy. Basically you are just roommates. At this point, it sounds like you are finding things that annoy you about him so that you don't have to deal with being close to him.

Many women lose their sex drive after having a child. It could be a physical issue, such as hormonal imbalance, or an emotional issue. Whatever it is, you deserve to be happy.
You definitely need to get some counseling. It doesn't sound like you can fix this on your own. You may not even want to fix it, but having a counselor will help you make those big decisions. Good luck!

[HappyTim]

A year is a long time to feel nothing for your partner. I agree with those who suggested marriage counseling. You both owe it to your children to see if you can fix your relationship together, and if that is not possible you owe it to yourselves to let each other go. Staying in a loveless marriage is no better for children than splitting up.