One or Two?

[kk4ku]

My husband and I are at odds as to whether or not we should go for baby #2. He definitely wants a 2nd one, me well I'm not so sure I'm up for it. I've heard the arguments for both sides, the pro's and con's for being a single child and having a sibling..I get it! But I don't know how I feel about it.

A little history: I was the girl who could care less about being married or having babies. Motherhood wasn't on my 'to do' list at all, even by my mid 30's when 'the clock' is suppose to be ticking ("I don't have a clock" is what I would say)...and then "it" happened unexpectedly (..yes, I know how "it" actually happens). The whole time I was pregnant I was so freaked out about it, I didn't really sit back and enjoy it like so many woman say they do. A few months later, and one L-O-N-G labor=C-section later, a wonderful healthy baby boy was in my life. The motherly instincts I just knew I had been born without kicked in (like everyone said they would) and it just so turns out that I am really digging this Mom gig (and I'm not bad at it either, if I might say so myself).

Hubby is awesome too. He loves being a dad and he is really great at it. Hubby and I have a great relationship with each other and our kiddo (who is officially 2 1/2 yrs old this month). So what's the deal? Why can't I get on board for another Baby on Board sign?!

Has anyone else been here? How did you cope? I'm 37 years old, I don't feel like I am in a position where I can sit around and think about it for a few years. There is about one hour out of the month where I think I could entertain the idea. I'll start the conversation with Hubby, and I'll give him a chance to talk me into it, but then the feeling fades quickly and I'm changing the subject. What's the deal? Is this indecision a sign that I'm not fit to bring another child into this world, or am I just being silly/afraid/selfish? HELP!

[ra11en]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or your family if you find you're complete with just the three of you. Having another just child for the sake of because you're supposed to is not the right reason. If you feel complete and don't really want another one, there's no reason to. Just my opinion.

Reading how much you enjoy being a mom, and how close your family is, I have no doubt you would find great joy with another child added to the family. And if you decide you want to have another one because your husband wants one a great deal, and because you want to have a sibling for your little man, there's nothing wrong with that either. But don't do it because you think you're supposed to. Does that make sense?

My husband and I didn't feel a yearning to have another child until our daughter was almost 4 yrs old. We felt complete, and we were happy with just the three of us. We hated being questioned by EVERYONE "When will you have the next one?" and "You're going to make her an only child?!" GASP! OH NO! Seriously, it's a huge personal decision that shouldn't be made by anyone but mom and dad. There is nothing wrong with stopping at just 1 child.

I say talk to your husband, really make a committment one way or another, and then let it go. My husband and I had decided that we would use my daughter's 4th birthday as THE date to make our decision. Pregnancies are super hard for me, and I knew we needed to either go for it or be done with the choice while I was still young enough to handle carrying the baby. So when we were laughing over dinner one night, we looked at each other and knew we wanted to have just one more to add to the joy in our family, and it was right before she turned 4. Had that moment not happened, we would have made the decision to not consider it anymore, we were done.

Talk with your husband, really consider what you and he want as parents and as spouses and as individuals. Maybe pick a date that you want to use as a stake in the sand so to speak.

No matter what, do NOT question yourself just because you aren't yearning for another baby. There's nothing wrong with that!

[kathybeckman]

Having been a school counselor for the last twelve years, I have seen many 'only" children. I believe that they are as happy and well adjusted as their friends that have several syblings. The thing that makes the biggest difference to a child's well being is not how many syblings that they have but how wanted and loved they feel from their parents.

If you decide that your family is complete now, make sure that as your child is growing up that you provide them with peers to interact with. Those "only" children who did not interact with same age peers before beginning school, do seem to struggle with sharing and making friends in their early school years.

If you decide that adding another child will make your family more complete and happy, I have some suggestions for preparing your child for the upcoming arrival. Preparation is key to having a smooth transition from "only" to "oldest" for your child. Visit my website at parentsharing.org for more information on this topic.

[kk4ku]

Thank you ladies, for the advice. I knew there wouldn't be a quick solve to my dilemma, but I do feel better knowing that I'm not wrong for being on the fence.

[stepmom1]

There is nothing wrong with having only one. There are many pros to it . The child gets all the love. But at the same time think about how it is great to have someone to talk to, have someone to play with, and what happens if something happens to you and your husband? It would be nice for your child to have another family tie.

[newnehi]

Regarding family tie, Its must to have more than one children, I am sure about me that i am able to have two kids and me and my husband are already prepare for everything what we have thoughts about our feature. Yah, economically right now we are not able to afford two kids but we have planned every things. I am pregnant now and just preparing to welcome our 1st angle.

[Swati88]

One should go for 2 babies for sure,else one baby can feel lonely sometimes,one needs partner to play to learn .There are many more things in life!!