OVER IT! 5 (yes five) yr old will not go

[no2usernames]

Ok - let me start off by saying that I am not a lazy mom, I am not a bad mom. However, I am at my absolute end. Outside of spanking my child, I have tried everything!!

My son is 5 years old and not potty trained. He will go potty with my husband only (husband has to be in the bathroom and door must be closed). I am not "allowed" in there - this is per my son... my husband has tried to convince my son that its ok if I take him potty and my son will still not budge.

I have tried:

1. candy
2. sticker chart to use towards rewards
3. Begging
4. Pleading
5. toys on top of the fridge
6. hoping that he will just decide that the time is right

After 3 years of failure, I quit. I'm out of ideas.

He is supposed to start kindergarten this fall and I don't see it in our future

I just wish I knew what is wrong with him. We've tried going to the doctor and the doctor was no help.

He has to start kindergarten in the fall - we've already held him back too much. He was in a pre-k program and b/c of his potty issues, the school moved him back to a younger class (three year olds! seriously??!!?!?!?!). He started acting out in that class and I felt it was not right so now I stay home with him. He is testing at a late kindergarten almost 1st grade level academically, so holding him back would be detrimental.

I'm lost - anyone else have/has had this problem?

[ra11en]

Is he wearing real underwear or what? At 5 years old, he absolutely understands the concept and execution of going in the potty. Have you asked him WHY he doesn't go in the potty??

He definitely needs to be in real underwear so he can best feel the mess when he doesn't go potty. Also, I've heard putting some cheerios or fruit loops in the toilet for target practice can be pretty inspiring for little guys.

A sticker chart working towards a big reward that he would really want could get him excited about successful days going potty like a big boy.

[rogers.julia88]

This sounds really funny and I have no idea if it will work for your son but I got this advice from a peds dr i know. What he said that if they are old enough to understand, tell them you aren't changing them anymore. If they have an accident, tell them that they are a big boy and they can change their own pull-ups/ diaper/ undies whatever. He said once they realize that a. you're serious. and b. it's ALOT easier to just go in the potty they will pretty much stop. Again, I have no idea if this works (my son isn't even 2 yet) but i thought it was a least a different approach. Good luck!

[Newmom!]

Talk to his future kindergarten teacher - they may have seen this before and have some ideas. If you are still having issues when he enters kindergarten be open and honest with the teacher and formulate a plan together. Most likely, peer pressure will at least get him to go at school. Do watch out that it doesn't backfire and he learns to hold it all day which will result in a whole different set of problems.

In the meantime, you might want to consider a few sessions with a pediatric counselor or psychologist. They may be able to find an underlying concern that your child has, and/or help him become more comfortable with toileting.

rogers has good advice too.

I don't envy you and hope something works soon.

[no2usernames]

He does wear underwear during the day and pull ups at night. I never should have bought the 1st package of pull ups when he was 2 or whenever it was to begin with...ugh.

I've asked him why he refuses to go and I've tried talking to him about using the toilet many many times, but he just changes the subject.

When he does soil himself, he is responsible for cleaning up after himself - he does a great job with that. I always tell him that he wouldn't have to do that if he would just use the toilet.