Conflicted feeling about the situation

[Blue Aurora]

Since my husband and I separated back in January and are in the process of going through a divorce. I have no where to go but to my daughter's boyfriend's place where they live.

Since I have had a couple abusive relationships and a abusive father, I have always been very cautious around men. My husband was one of very few who was never abusive. So I have been worried about my daughter.
So when I found out my daughter's boyfriend is a professional fighter for living, I cannot say I was too happy. Because of this, I have never really got known to him. I have always been civic and nice around him and never say a bad thing about him to my daughter, but inside, I cringe at the thought of her being with him, especially when I heard she's moving in with him.

But I was desperate and need a place, so my daughter told me that her boyfriend told her I could stay. I ended up here because it was only place I could stay that is nearby.
The first day I got there, I got there in the morning. I was told by my daughter that her boyfriend was asleep because he just flew in from Japan the night before and warned me that he's not in the best shape.
It was horrific when he come out after waking up. He didn't knew I was here at the time, so he came out in just his shorts. He have two black eyes with a stitches on brow. Also for first time, I saw his whole upper arm and back were full of tattoo. I hate to say this, but pretty much everything about him remind me of a shark. The way he is sleek and muscular, how he seems to move smoothly with great ease, and how his eyes seems to look like as if looking for something all of the times. It was so intimidating that I was seriously consider going back to my husband for a moment right there.

Only thing that stopped me was how he treated my daughter and me.
Even though he is cold and aloof toward pretty much everyone, he's very nice to my daughter and me. He have a very deep voice but he always talk to my daughter and me in a very soft and gentle voice. He also always touch her very delicately.
Since my daughter attend school full time, he often cook breakfast for her and do most of the chores around here and almost always help my daughter or me with dinner and the dishes.
He also would often do many little things for my daughter and me such as make us tea or hot chocolate out of blue, buy little things for us such as our favorite candies, wrap blanket around my daughter before he head to bed if she's not ready to go to bed yet, and other things.

This week my daughter was really sick with kidney infection. He was always making soup for her, going out to rent a movie for her, replacing and washing blankets frequently so she always have a fresh blankets, letting her wear his shirt, and other things.

Today I finally talk to my daughter about her boyfriend. I was mortified to learn that her boyfriend got into the whole professional fighting thing because his father was very abusive. My daughter's boyfriend would always get the worst of it because he would always try to protect his mother.
This just scared me even more. I have met men who were nice (I cannot say any come as near as nice as my daughter's boyfriend though) who eventually become abusive. The fact that he grew up in a hostile environment mean he's more likely to be abusive as well.

I really don't know what to make of this. I am really worried about my daughter, she mean the world to me. I can't help it but feel so conflicted. Part of me is saying to be grateful she have a wonderful man who take care of her but other part of me is saying if this man get mad once, she's pretty much dead.

[charliesmommy]

I'm guessing that he gets his agression out in the ring and that's why he chose that profession. Not all children who grow up in an abusive household turn out to be abusive. Some actually go the oposit way. It sounds to me like he has a good heart and he always protected the woman in his life. That right there is a great sign imho.

[Blue Aurora]

But what happen if he can no longer fight? He's almost 30 and already is showing some permanent damages. So who know if he can continue much longer.

I really hope he go the opposite way. He might be much smaller than most men, but he is far the most intimidating one. I really don't want to think about what would happen if he turn against my daughter.

Also from my experience, it tend to be those men who are nice that turn out to be abusive. But they have been together for almost two years now and haven't seen any bad sign so far.

I just find it disturbing that he choose fighting as a way to make a living instead of other more useful way. The tattoos doesn't help either eventhough his is much nicer than most I've seen. The way he is aloof toward most people also worries me. I don't understand any of those.

I am grateful that he allows me to move in with him and my daughter, but at the same time I just cannot tell if there is something wrong or if it is just I am worrying too much due to my past experience.

[Newmom!]

Does your daughter know of your history? If not it might be wise to share it with her. Let her know you really like this guy but because of your history you can't help but think what if he can get it out in the ring. Let her know that you are there for her if the unfortunate should happen, or even if she ever becomes afraid it might happen.

At the same time, make sure you realize that statistics are just that, stats of possible likely hood. Many people fit the good stats, not the bad ones.

Also, consider counseling for yourself. You are really feeling this because of your past. Counseling may help you feel more comfortable around him. Maybe family counseling with your daughter and him will help your daughter be aware of you as well as help the boyfriend make sure he will not follow his father's footsteps.

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[IHaveAGreenBaby]

While it's hard to not put our experiences on others, you have to realize this is your daughter's relationship, not yours. I watched my mom get beat up by my dad, and instead of showing me it was okay, I have a firm opposition to any abuse in a relationship, and would absolutely leave my husband if he ever hit me. Hopefully since he was defending his mother, he came out of it the way I did, firmly opposed.
Plus, the fighters I know leave aggression in the ring, and are otherwise calm people. I would not worry about him retiring, he must know how to control anger because those fights are not about being angry, it's the job of an entertainer, nothing more.
Let your daughter know of your worries, but only to express how you feel and get it off your chest, I'm sure she will reassure you and in time you'll overcome your fears for her.