sleep/behavior problem 3 year old

[cgrayemt]

Okay, so I never wanted to be the mom who put their kid on medications for behavior issues. My three year old son is a very smart, hyper little boy. But, at a check up with his four month old sister, his father and I were speaking with the doctor about our daughter and during that time, our son was rolling n the floor in the doctors office. THe doctor says "you do realize he is adhd right and will have to be on medications when he is 6 or 7 years old" I wasn't thrilled hearing this. I thought he was normal. But when I started looking at my friends kids, they are more calm, and listen better.

Currently my hyper little man won't go to bed unless my husband and I lay down with him. Its becoming a hassle. Shouldn't a three year old go to bed when you tell them to? or is this appropriate that we have to lay down with him? if it's not normal, how do we get him out of this habit and what can I do to make him listen to me more? he has very little respect for me. He almost died after birth and up untl recently I have been afraid to punish him. I would like recomendations on punishments that would suit my three year old. Don't be afraid to answer, I really need help! THanks.

[Professor Bayliwick]

Hi there. I posted something that addresses this very issue earlier today in response to another post but I will give you some things to think about. First of all, has your pediatrician already done test for ADHD or was this just an off the cuff comment? There are ways of testing that are fairly reliable in determining ADHD. Another thing to think about is that your kid was bored at the doctors office. He may be very intelligent and gets bored with mundane things. There may be ways of challenging him intellectually. Just because a toy or activity says 5 years and up, he may be ready now.

About the sleeping thing. He is 3 year old and his imagination has kicked into high gear. These are the ages when it becomes fun to tell them about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth fairy (once they start to lose their teeth). They believe these stories because in their world, nothing is impossible. Find out if he thinks something is going to attack him or harm him at night in his room. If this is the case, which it is in over 55% of children in the 2-7 year old range, then you can use their imagination to help. Placebo monster sprays, fear me nots , monster basher night lights, bye bye monster, etc. are all effective in overcoming this problem. I am associated with one of these products but I won't tell you which one. You can decide for your self what might work best for you.

As far as making a habit of laying down with him at night, I can tell you that you are setting a precedent that will not end. You need to find a bedtime routine, let him help you create it. Make a chart that you can check off each time. Stick with it and be consistent. It will be hard at first but you will ultimately succeed.

The behavioral issues are not so simple. Discipline is a potentially volatile subject and if I offered my advice I would probably be skewered by many moms on this site. Suffice it to say that If they aren't getting enough sleep and are crabby, try and adjusting his bedtime. 3 year olds should be getting about 10.5 hours of sleep a night and another 1.5 hours during the day for a total of 12 hours. Respect is something that is earned and if you are consistent, do what you say you are going to do, with no exceptions with both reward and punishment they will come to respect you. Kids need guidance. Just like a dog, they want someone to be the leader, but you can't be a leader if you are don't carry through with your promises or statements.

Hope this helps

[vibha]

Behavioral problems are really not good signs of child mental conditions, so 1st you have to make routine about observe him neatly and then discuss all things with your doctor, have doctors suggestions and have proper treatment of him.

[Newmom!]

Okay, this is an older post, but hopefully you are still reading. Some children so have a level of hyperactivity that is difficult for parents to help redirect into more appropriate behaviors and settings, and if these behaviors are also affecting the child's social interaction skills with other children then the parents should seek out help. Every state has a federally mandated program to work with 3-5 year olds (either in the schools or through Health and Welfare) who show to be behind in their skills (social, language, thinking, or otherwise). I would look into one of these programs. If you son shows a significant need for services then he would be taught the skills needed to curb his hyperactivity and interact more appropraitely with others.

If you don't think he has such a need, but you still want to work with him, consider a parenting class with the focus on the active child.

I feel medicine should generally be a last option - that a variety of behavior modification techniques should be tried first (nothing scary, can be as simple as slowly increasing the amount of time he is expected to sit quietly and read books). It's only if these teachniques have failed, or if the child has such a hard time focusing that it impacts his daily life should medication be necessary.

Consider reading the book "Should I medicate my child" by Lawrence H. Diller - he has a "prefer to not medicate" view on ADHD and other similar disorders.

As far as sleep goes, I used to have lots of answers, but now my 2.5 yr old will not take a nap for me (but will for his dad). Keep a consistant routine. I would try to avoid laying with him, as that will be habit to break later on.

For discipline, think of using more positive rather than punative approaches. Give him choices to accomplish something he doesn't want to do (are you going to walk up the stairs or crawl up the stairs, left foot or right foot first? etc). Praise him when he is doing something good. Redirect him when doing something bad - either to get him to do something different or to do the "bad" thing in a good place (like draw on paper not the wall or jump on the floor to music rather than off the couch). Use punishments sparingly - time outs lose their effectivness if they are used too often. Studies on spanking show it does more harm than good.
If you are coming into a situation that you know you tend to have troubles, remind him of his expected behavior before the situation starts (must stay with mom in the grocery store). If their can be a reward at the end all the better (non food rewards are better overall, "you stay next to me in the store and you get to unlock the car!). During the situation praise him when he does well ("You are so close to me, thank you so much!). Again, consider taking a parenting class to gain other skills and ideas.

To get him to listen to you more, you need to follow through on what you tell him right away - which is hard with an infant around who also needs you. But what this means is if you tell him to "Stop X" and he doesn't stop right away you then go over to him, and tell him again while physically helping him stop. Then right away redirect him to acting in a more expected way. Do this every time you tell him to do anything, if he doesn't respond right away, go over and help him to respond/listen (gently, but with the expectation that what you say is to be done). His behaviors and his testing of you may increase for a while as he tries to find the loop holes and make sure you are serious, but then he will begin to get better if you are able to be consistant and follow through. Good luck.

[2wildones]

Your son sounds a lot like mine. I kept thinking he was adhd but then i read about Spirited children. Spirited kids get thrown into the add adhd category alot(in my opinion, they throw any kid who they cant explain into this category). If I were you, Id google it and read up on everything more before i let the doctor just up and decide that your son has add. you can of course trust your doctor(hopefully) but YOU have to be your child's advocate and do your homework. Some doctors ill just say add so they can put your kid in a category. As for getting him to go to bed without you having to lay ith him...make sure he has all the stuffies and blankets and hatever else he wants to sleep ith him. my son is 3 1/2 and i swear most of his bed is taken up by stuffed animals and blankets but he wont sleep without them. also, try a flax seed pillow. you can probly find it online or make one. heat it for a few minutes in the microwave and send him to bed with it. it works wonders with my son. if he still protests, you just have to give him kisses and love you's and leave the room. he may scream but he has to learn to sleep on his own. as for discipline, im not going to get into it too much because i dont know your views on things, but in our house, if they dont mind, they get a swat on the bum and sent to their room. we try to talk to them before it gets to that point. some kids just wont listen to a talking to though and a swat works better. anyway, hope this all helps.

[hellowing]

Hi, I understand how you feel now. No one want to let their kids to have any medication. I would suggest you to find another doctor to check with your kid and you pay attention to him more. A kid who has ADHD will act different than other children, you can tell the difference. I hope you can contact with doctors as soon as possible to make sure did you kid has ADHD, if yes, ask doctor for treatment, there is always better to start treatment in an earlier time! Wish all the best to you and your kid, I hope your kid is fine!

Okay, so I never wanted to be the mom who put their kid on medications for behavior issues. My three year old son is a very smart, hyper little boy. But, at a check up with his four month old sister, his father and I were speaking with the doctor about our daughter and during that time, our son was rolling n the floor in the doctors office. THe doctor says "you do realize he is adhd right and will have to be on medications when he is 6 or 7 years old" I wasn't thrilled hearing this. I thought he was normal. But when I started looking at my friends kids, they are more calm, and listen better.

Currently my hyper little man won't go to bed unless my husband and I lay down with him. Its becoming a hassle. Shouldn't a three year old go to bed when you tell them to? or is this appropriate that we have to lay down with him? if it's not normal, how do we get him out of this habit and what can I do to make him listen to me more? he has very little respect for me. He almost died after birth and up untl recently I have been afraid to punish him. I would like recomendations on punishments that would suit my three year old. Don't be afraid to answer, I really need help! THanks.